DEAR ABBY: My husband is 6 feet, 6 inches tall. My 19-year-old son is taller, at 6 feet, 7 inches. They loathe being asked how tall they are. There are times when they are proud of their height and others when they have felt self-conscious because it can be uncomfortable to "tower" over others.

Often, the question is asked in a tone that conveys the person perceives them as some kind of "freak of nature." They have been told they "must have been really well-fed growing up," or the commenters are "so glad they never had to pay THEIR food bills." And, of course, the assumption is that they played basketball -- which they both did. But imagine if they didn't or hated the game.

They have had it with these insensitive, intrusive comments. While I, someone of average height, think a commenter may just be trying to make conversation -- and height is a respected attribute -- it's nonetheless offensive. My son or husband would never ask anyone in retort, "How short are you?" or "How much do you weigh?"

Why do people think that questions about how tall someone is don't fall into the same category? What's an appropriate response when the person asking makes you out to be some kind of freak? -- TALL PERSON SYMPATHIZER

DEAR SYMPATHIZER: Sometimes people, without intending to be rude, blurt out the first thing that comes into their heads, and height is hard to miss. This isn't the first time I have been told that some tall individuals are self-conscious about it.

A social group called Tall Clubs International was formed many years ago so they could socialize without feeling self-conscious. (Today's generations are taller by several inches than they were 100 years ago, and tourists visiting European museums have been shocked at the diminutive size of the suits of armor.)

While all of us can have a bad day, I think the best way for your son and your husband to handle these questions would be to hang onto their sense of humor and answer them honestly.

DEAR ABBY: My man and I have been together for two years. He has his own place, and I have mine. We really enjoy each other's company. I have a 13-year-old daughter. The issue is, we haven't been out on a real date since we've been together. (I understand that the pandemic had an impact on this.) I feel, at some point, something's got to give. I have mentioned it to him a few times already. What's a woman like me to do? -- HOMEBOUND IN UPSTATE NEW YORK

DEAR HOMEBOUND: If you want a mate who is a self-starter, this person isn't it. A woman "like you" should make the plans, tell her man where they are going and what they'll be doing and what time to pick her up for that date. If, after two years of expressing what you would like, your message still hasn't gotten through, please understand this will probably be the pattern for the rest of your relationship.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married more than 30 years. In the last five, I have had so many doctor appointments, medical procedures and surgeries that I have lost count. My husband thinks it is perfectly fine to tell family, friends and strangers about my medical conditions, tests and surgeries.

I asked a friend if she would pray for an upcoming test. She said she would, and would continue to pray until I told her otherwise. I had the test; the results were great. My husband told my friend the results without first asking me if it was OK. I realized it when she said, "Your husband told me the good news."

Now, Abby, I understand it was good news but, in my opinion, it was my medical information and I had planned to tell her the next time I saw her, which was three days after the test. My husband thinks it's "no big deal" to tell people about what's going on with me medically. I disagree! I believe it's personal and nobody's business.

I have asked, even begged, my husband not to tell anyone about my medical stuff. I went so far as to go to two appointments without telling him. He was furious that I didn't let him come along. I told him why he was left behind, but he still didn't get it, or maybe, didn't think my feelings were important. Am I being too sensitive or should he keep his mouth shut? -- VIOLATED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR VIOLATED: Your oversharing husband should respect your feelings and keep his mouth shut. You shouldn't have had to beg him not to discuss your medical information with others. Would he be equally open to your telling folks about the state of his prostate, his Viagra consumption, his colonoscopy preps? Perhaps he will get the message if you start giving him a dose of his own medicine. It's worth a try.

DEAR ABBY: I decided to get my daughter a birthday gift that would help her to relax. She is a nurse. Because she worked so hard through the pandemic, I thought a massage would be a good idea. I enlisted the help of her daughter and boyfriend to help pay for it. I work part-time and couldn't manage it without their help.

I chose the business after reviewing it online and fronted the money to get a certificate in time for her birthday. More than a month has gone by, and I still haven't received their share of the money from my granddaughter or her boyfriend. In fact, I'm now being ghosted after texting requests for what's owed.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm considering dropping it so my daughter doesn't find out. But I'm angry about getting hurt in this way. Both parties work. I don't understand the treatment I'm getting. Please advise. -- DISAPPOINTED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: You may have to chalk this up to a life lesson. You have learned that your granddaughter and her boyfriend (who I assume are self-supporting) can't be trusted to honor their word. I do not think you should tattle to your daughter about this. The distress it could cause would be counterproductive to the intent of your gift.

DEAR ABBY: When I visit my three grandchildren on Fridays, my daughter-in-law never offers me any refreshment -- not even a glass of water or a cup of tea. She will eat in front of me and not offer me anything. I was taught that this is rude. Should I bring my own refreshment? (If I did, I would feel as though I would need to feed the whole family.)

I already travel quite far to get to her house -- 45 minutes each way -- and I bring snacks for the grandchildren. I visit them because it's easier for my daughter-in-law to have me over than to haul the 1-, 3- and 6-year-olds out to my house. I would love to be invited to stay for dinner, but it never happens ahead of time. If I come at 2 p.m., then around 5 p.m. I "may" be invited, but I feel it is out of obligation, so I don't stay. What should I do? -- TOO POLITE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TOO POLITE: You were raised in a home where you were taught good manners. Apparently, the woman your son married was not. No hostess with an ounce of class would eat in front of a guest without offering them anything. The haphazard way you are included at dinner makes me wonder if your daughter-in-law dislikes you and only tolerates your presence, because it certainly isn't calculated to make you feel welcome.

Talk this over with your son. If your visits are regarded as an imposition, perhaps you should take the grands for an outing rather than watch their mother eat.

DEAR ABBY: My son has a best friend, "Earl," he has hung out with since they were 14. Earl considers me his second mother because his real mother deserted him after he graduated from high school. He has never married or had kids. I'm 76, and Earl is 55. He does small jobs for me off and on, like changing the lightbulbs in my kitchen, fixing a light switch, replacing my windshield wipers, etc. He calls me off and on, and we email a lot. We both love movies and enjoy discussing them and the actors.

When he calls, I know I sometimes become long-winded. I'm sure Earl gets tired of me going on and on about my stuff. But instead of telling me he needs to go, he quietly hangs up on me. I think it's extremely rude. I wish he would just tell me he has to go -- I wouldn't be upset about that.

Earl never mentions it later, and we just go on as usual. I could tell him I'm never speaking to him again if he does it again, but I need him to help with those small tasks, so I don't want to make him mad. Must I remain silent about it? What should I do? -- LEFT HANGING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LEFT HANGING: Tell Earl that when he hangs up on you it is extremely hurtful. Explain that you know you are sometimes long-winded, and if he needs to end the conversation, there are kinder ways of doing it. Tell him that if he lets you know he needs to go, it will not hurt your feelings, and this is what you would prefer. Then cross your fingers that this "second son" gets the message.