DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married more than 30 years. In the last five, I have had so many doctor appointments, medical procedures and surgeries that I have lost count. My husband thinks it is perfectly fine to tell family, friends and strangers about my medical conditions, tests and surgeries.

I asked a friend if she would pray for an upcoming test. She said she would, and would continue to pray until I told her otherwise. I had the test; the results were great. My husband told my friend the results without first asking me if it was OK. I realized it when she said, "Your husband told me the good news."

Now, Abby, I understand it was good news but, in my opinion, it was my medical information and I had planned to tell her the next time I saw her, which was three days after the test. My husband thinks it's "no big deal" to tell people about what's going on with me medically. I disagree! I believe it's personal and nobody's business.

I have asked, even begged, my husband not to tell anyone about my medical stuff. I went so far as to go to two appointments without telling him. He was furious that I didn't let him come along. I told him why he was left behind, but he still didn't get it, or maybe, didn't think my feelings were important. Am I being too sensitive or should he keep his mouth shut? -- VIOLATED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR VIOLATED: Your oversharing husband should respect your feelings and keep his mouth shut. You shouldn't have had to beg him not to discuss your medical information with others. Would he be equally open to your telling folks about the state of his prostate, his Viagra consumption, his colonoscopy preps? Perhaps he will get the message if you start giving him a dose of his own medicine. It's worth a try.

DEAR ABBY: I decided to get my daughter a birthday gift that would help her to relax. She is a nurse. Because she worked so hard through the pandemic, I thought a massage would be a good idea. I enlisted the help of her daughter and boyfriend to help pay for it. I work part-time and couldn't manage it without their help.

I chose the business after reviewing it online and fronted the money to get a certificate in time for her birthday. More than a month has gone by, and I still haven't received their share of the money from my granddaughter or her boyfriend. In fact, I'm now being ghosted after texting requests for what's owed.

I'm not sure what to do. I'm considering dropping it so my daughter doesn't find out. But I'm angry about getting hurt in this way. Both parties work. I don't understand the treatment I'm getting. Please advise. -- DISAPPOINTED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: You may have to chalk this up to a life lesson. You have learned that your granddaughter and her boyfriend (who I assume are self-supporting) can't be trusted to honor their word. I do not think you should tattle to your daughter about this. The distress it could cause would be counterproductive to the intent of your gift.

DEAR ABBY: When I visit my three grandchildren on Fridays, my daughter-in-law never offers me any refreshment -- not even a glass of water or a cup of tea. She will eat in front of me and not offer me anything. I was taught that this is rude. Should I bring my own refreshment? (If I did, I would feel as though I would need to feed the whole family.)

I already travel quite far to get to her house -- 45 minutes each way -- and I bring snacks for the grandchildren. I visit them because it's easier for my daughter-in-law to have me over than to haul the 1-, 3- and 6-year-olds out to my house. I would love to be invited to stay for dinner, but it never happens ahead of time. If I come at 2 p.m., then around 5 p.m. I "may" be invited, but I feel it is out of obligation, so I don't stay. What should I do? -- TOO POLITE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TOO POLITE: You were raised in a home where you were taught good manners. Apparently, the woman your son married was not. No hostess with an ounce of class would eat in front of a guest without offering them anything. The haphazard way you are included at dinner makes me wonder if your daughter-in-law dislikes you and only tolerates your presence, because it certainly isn't calculated to make you feel welcome.

Talk this over with your son. If your visits are regarded as an imposition, perhaps you should take the grands for an outing rather than watch their mother eat.

DEAR ABBY: My son has a best friend, "Earl," he has hung out with since they were 14. Earl considers me his second mother because his real mother deserted him after he graduated from high school. He has never married or had kids. I'm 76, and Earl is 55. He does small jobs for me off and on, like changing the lightbulbs in my kitchen, fixing a light switch, replacing my windshield wipers, etc. He calls me off and on, and we email a lot. We both love movies and enjoy discussing them and the actors.

When he calls, I know I sometimes become long-winded. I'm sure Earl gets tired of me going on and on about my stuff. But instead of telling me he needs to go, he quietly hangs up on me. I think it's extremely rude. I wish he would just tell me he has to go -- I wouldn't be upset about that.

Earl never mentions it later, and we just go on as usual. I could tell him I'm never speaking to him again if he does it again, but I need him to help with those small tasks, so I don't want to make him mad. Must I remain silent about it? What should I do? -- LEFT HANGING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LEFT HANGING: Tell Earl that when he hangs up on you it is extremely hurtful. Explain that you know you are sometimes long-winded, and if he needs to end the conversation, there are kinder ways of doing it. Tell him that if he lets you know he needs to go, it will not hurt your feelings, and this is what you would prefer. Then cross your fingers that this "second son" gets the message.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for five years, with two children. I have been putting my hands on her in such a bad way that she's saying we are no longer a family and she wants a divorce. I need my wife and children back. It hurts me to stay away.

I'm currently going to church and Sunday school and Bible study. I have been praying many hours these past few weeks, and it is helping me. I will do anything and everything I can to get my family back because I don't want to lose them. What can I do to get them back? -- LEARNING A LESSON IN NEVADA

DEAR LEARNING: A good first step would be for you to gain some insight about what triggers you to act out violently. Was physical abuse an example that was set by your parents? Does it happen because you have a substance abuse problem? A course in anger management could help you break this destructive pattern. Search online for a program near you. After that, if your wife sees you are making a sincere effort, she may trust you enough to risk reuniting. A warning, however: Do not pressure her. This will have to be her decision.

DEAR ABBY: I'm friends with three people who got into a series of arguments. One of them no longer talks to the other two. I have remained friends with all three and I told them I want to remain neutral. I wasn't around when the arguments took place, and I don't want to be involved. One friend says that because I'm still friends with the other two, I'm taking their side and condoning how they treated her.

I didn't see the fights and I'm not condoning anyone's behavior. The one friend has now stopped being friends with me. I would like to be friends with everyone. Is this person right about me condoning the other two's actions by remaining silent and continuing my friendship with them? -- STAYING OUT OF IT IN MONTANA

DEAR STAYING OUT: No, they are not. What they are doing is trying to manipulate you. Repeat what you told them, and tell them that if they can't accept that you want to remain neutral, they will have lost another friend.

DEAR ABBY: I have a new job in a small office. I have never been comfortable meeting new people or learning a new job, so in order to appear friendly, I'd chime in to the office conversations. A couple of times, I have revealed too much of my life. Later, I found out the owner audio records the office. Everyone else knew it, but I was NEVER informed. Now I'm more embarrassed than ever, knowing that my information is now on record. I have since learned to self-censor. Abby, is it a common and legal practice for employers to bug offices? -- BIG MOUTH IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR BIG MOUTH: This is a question you should ask an attorney who specializes in employment law. In several states, it is illegal for an employer to record conversations without first informing all the parties involved. You should have been informed at the time you were hired that this was company policy.