DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for six years, married for four. We have had a lot of marriage issues during the last few years, sexually and otherwise. I no longer trust him because of something I found out last year.

I have his email information, and I also was able to see the search history from his phone on the computer. I discovered that he watches a lot of porn. I don't think it's a big deal because I know many men and women do. But I saw he was also watching gay porn and searching for pictures of well-endowed guys. Does this mean my husband is gay and likes men? Or does it just mean he likes different sexual things?

I'm not sure what to do. I don't know if I should approach the subject with him. I don't want him to know I'm snooping around, so how do I ask him about it without telling him how I know? Or should I just let it go? -- KNOWS TOO MUCH IN TEXAS

DEAR KNOWS: Your husband may be bisexual, gay or bi-curious. You wouldn't have checked his phone history if you hadn't felt "something" was wrong. Do not let it go. You will never know the truth unless you ask for it. This does not necessarily have to be a marriage-breaker. However, in case your husband has wandered (off the screen), call your doctor and ask to be tested for STDs.

DEAR ABBY: My mother puts pictures of me on Facebook, usually old ones, and invariably says, "Look how skinny you were!" I'm 60 now, and I don't look skinny anymore. Her comments bother me greatly. Recently, my daughters-in-law said something to her on Facebook about commenting on my weight and how they don't see me as overweight but as a whole and wonderful person.

Now, my mother is angry. She says her feelings are hurt because she thought she was "paying me a compliment." I can't make her understand that you just don't make comments on people's weight, especially on social media. It is unkind. How do I get through to her? -- WEIGHTY ISSUE

DEAR WEIGHTY ISSUE: If you think trying to reason with someone as insensitive as your mother will work, forget it. You can get through to her by telling her in plain English that her backhanded "compliment" hurt YOU, and you don't want it repeated in public OR in private, and if she does it again, you and your family will block her on social media -- if not from your lives. You deserve an apology. You do not owe her one.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is 59. He is on long-term disability because he has been suffering from a major depression for more than a year. He has asked me not to tell our acquaintances or my co-workers about his health issues. My question is, how should I respond when people ask me what my husband does? I don't like to say he's retired because that is not the case. -- QUESTIONED IN QUEBEC, CANADA

DEAR QUESTIONED: If you are asked, tell the questioners that your husband is semi-retired. It's the truth, and no one knows how long it will be until he is again fully employed.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in mourning for my husband. He's still alive, but he up and left six months ago and sent me a text saying he's done. He is living with another woman. I didn't see it coming. We were planning our retirement move up to our cabin. One weekend he kicked me out of the cabin, and three hours later had her join him there.

I feel so lost. At this point, I don't want him back because I feel he has committed the ultimate betrayal. I have started counseling because I'm so confused, grieving and upset. My counselor seems to think he is leaving the door open to one day return. He still comes once a month to pay the bills. However, when he does, he doesn't want me there. He texts to make sure I will be gone for a few hours, so I leave.

I miss him, but I can't get beyond the pain and betrayal. He has lost a ton of weight and looks terrible. He has aged so much. He's 66, clinically depressed and an alcoholic. He's also a narcissist. He would never admit he did something wrong; it was always "my fault." I never knew what I would be facing after work.

I'm still in the house and slowly packing up his clutter that I was never allowed to touch. (He is a hoarder.) I'm lonely, but I'm enjoying my peace. We don't communicate at all. My question is, do you think he is going to come walking back in like nothing happened? -- ABANDONED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ABANDONED: I hope not! And if he did show up, why on Earth would you want him back? (Frankly, I am surprised that your therapist would suggest you would open the door to him.) You are free. Consult an attorney, clear out the physical and emotional debris in your life and enjoy it.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are preparing to move south because we're tired of cold weather. The biggest issue is my cat, "Buster." He isn't a kitten anymore; he is 9. Buster's in good health, but we are being advised not to take him from the apartment we share with my dad due to Buster's age. My father is a mediocre caretaker at best. Half the time he doesn't clean the litter box or even take out the garbage. I'm convinced Buster would end up being neglected. I have been accused of planning to steal him.

Yesterday, I found out Dad tested positive for COVID and didn't tell anyone until we were in the apartment, too. He put us all at risk. This kind of carelessness scares me about leaving Buster with him. Should I take him with us, or heed the advice about not stressing an older pet and leave him with dad? I will be heartbroken if I can't take him. -- SAD, STRESSED CAT MOM

DEAR SAD: If the advice about "stressing an older cat" came from a veterinarian, it merits consideration. If it didn't, then have no qualms about taking Buster with you when you make the move. It would be better to do that than to leave him in an environment where you would worry that he's being neglected.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding "Baffled in Iowa" (Nov. 4), it appears the letter writer's friend may be in danger. As you stated, the man her friend became involved with is "more than a little controlling." At the least, this woman, once located by social services or police, needs a welfare check -- i.e., a serious look at her situation by a well-versed professional familiar with these kinds of situations.

This is just the type of thing that could result in "Baffled's" friend losing her identity and losing all finances to what appears to be a well-heeled con man. One could also envision her being murdered for insurance money. Yes, she is an adult who "has the right to make her own decisions." But, from what we know of this woman, she may not be able to make any of her own decisions and be totally under the control of someone she has known for only a short period.

This woman's situation is more than a little concerning. As a residency-trained, board-certified emergency physician, I've seen similar situations that resulted in identity theft, loss of all assets and even murder. My wife holds a Master of Social Work and has dealt with similar scenarios with clients that resulted in terrible outcomes. We have serious concerns about her friend's physical and emotional safety as well as her financial well-being. -- EXPERIENCED IN COLORADO

DEAR EXPERIENCED: Other readers wrote to express the same concerns. They suggested the friend's new "boyfriend" may be a narcissist, sociopath or domestic abuser. They recommended that "Baffled" contact her local Department of Family and Children's Services to report potential elder abuse. Adult Protective Services may also be able to help. And guidance from the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org; 800-799-7233) should be sought, because the woman's abrupt major changes -- selling her house, moving in with the man, taking out a life insurance policy and ceasing contact with friends -- are multiple red flags.

DEAR ABBY: Some years ago, my ex and I went through a contentious, bitter and prolonged divorce. She's a foreign national, and she returned to her home country a few years afterward. Our son, who is now an adult, soon followed her. I hope to visit him there in a couple of months. My son and my ex expect that I also will visit with her. I do not wish to see her. We are divorced, after all. How do I respectfully let our son know that I do not want to see his mother? And how do I tell the ex? -- NOW SINGLE DAD IN WASHINGTON

DEAR NOW SINGLE DAD: Tell your adult son that while you are looking forward to seeing him, considering the circumstances of the divorce, you prefer no contact with his mother. Hopefully, it won't affect his willingness to see you. If it does, however, you will have to decide whether seeing her is a price you are willing to pay to see your son. (And make that "family reunion" short and sweet.)