DEAR ABBY: I'm in mourning for my husband. He's still alive, but he up and left six months ago and sent me a text saying he's done. He is living with another woman. I didn't see it coming. We were planning our retirement move up to our cabin. One weekend he kicked me out of the cabin, and three hours later had her join him there.

I feel so lost. At this point, I don't want him back because I feel he has committed the ultimate betrayal. I have started counseling because I'm so confused, grieving and upset. My counselor seems to think he is leaving the door open to one day return. He still comes once a month to pay the bills. However, when he does, he doesn't want me there. He texts to make sure I will be gone for a few hours, so I leave.

I miss him, but I can't get beyond the pain and betrayal. He has lost a ton of weight and looks terrible. He has aged so much. He's 66, clinically depressed and an alcoholic. He's also a narcissist. He would never admit he did something wrong; it was always "my fault." I never knew what I would be facing after work.

I'm still in the house and slowly packing up his clutter that I was never allowed to touch. (He is a hoarder.) I'm lonely, but I'm enjoying my peace. We don't communicate at all. My question is, do you think he is going to come walking back in like nothing happened? -- ABANDONED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ABANDONED: I hope not! And if he did show up, why on Earth would you want him back? (Frankly, I am surprised that your therapist would suggest you would open the door to him.) You are free. Consult an attorney, clear out the physical and emotional debris in your life and enjoy it.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are preparing to move south because we're tired of cold weather. The biggest issue is my cat, "Buster." He isn't a kitten anymore; he is 9. Buster's in good health, but we are being advised not to take him from the apartment we share with my dad due to Buster's age. My father is a mediocre caretaker at best. Half the time he doesn't clean the litter box or even take out the garbage. I'm convinced Buster would end up being neglected. I have been accused of planning to steal him.

Yesterday, I found out Dad tested positive for COVID and didn't tell anyone until we were in the apartment, too. He put us all at risk. This kind of carelessness scares me about leaving Buster with him. Should I take him with us, or heed the advice about not stressing an older pet and leave him with dad? I will be heartbroken if I can't take him. -- SAD, STRESSED CAT MOM

DEAR SAD: If the advice about "stressing an older cat" came from a veterinarian, it merits consideration. If it didn't, then have no qualms about taking Buster with you when you make the move. It would be better to do that than to leave him in an environment where you would worry that he's being neglected.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding "Baffled in Iowa" (Nov. 4), it appears the letter writer's friend may be in danger. As you stated, the man her friend became involved with is "more than a little controlling." At the least, this woman, once located by social services or police, needs a welfare check -- i.e., a serious look at her situation by a well-versed professional familiar with these kinds of situations.

This is just the type of thing that could result in "Baffled's" friend losing her identity and losing all finances to what appears to be a well-heeled con man. One could also envision her being murdered for insurance money. Yes, she is an adult who "has the right to make her own decisions." But, from what we know of this woman, she may not be able to make any of her own decisions and be totally under the control of someone she has known for only a short period.

This woman's situation is more than a little concerning. As a residency-trained, board-certified emergency physician, I've seen similar situations that resulted in identity theft, loss of all assets and even murder. My wife holds a Master of Social Work and has dealt with similar scenarios with clients that resulted in terrible outcomes. We have serious concerns about her friend's physical and emotional safety as well as her financial well-being. -- EXPERIENCED IN COLORADO

DEAR EXPERIENCED: Other readers wrote to express the same concerns. They suggested the friend's new "boyfriend" may be a narcissist, sociopath or domestic abuser. They recommended that "Baffled" contact her local Department of Family and Children's Services to report potential elder abuse. Adult Protective Services may also be able to help. And guidance from the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org; 800-799-7233) should be sought, because the woman's abrupt major changes -- selling her house, moving in with the man, taking out a life insurance policy and ceasing contact with friends -- are multiple red flags.

DEAR ABBY: Some years ago, my ex and I went through a contentious, bitter and prolonged divorce. She's a foreign national, and she returned to her home country a few years afterward. Our son, who is now an adult, soon followed her. I hope to visit him there in a couple of months. My son and my ex expect that I also will visit with her. I do not wish to see her. We are divorced, after all. How do I respectfully let our son know that I do not want to see his mother? And how do I tell the ex? -- NOW SINGLE DAD IN WASHINGTON

DEAR NOW SINGLE DAD: Tell your adult son that while you are looking forward to seeing him, considering the circumstances of the divorce, you prefer no contact with his mother. Hopefully, it won't affect his willingness to see you. If it does, however, you will have to decide whether seeing her is a price you are willing to pay to see your son. (And make that "family reunion" short and sweet.)

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my husband, unhappy in his job, decided he wanted to be a real estate agent. He quit his job to do full-time real estate, and really struggled. The company he joined offered little training, and he had no office skills. The dramatic drop in our income almost bankrupted us. He asked me to also get a license to help (I have a great office job). I didn't want to at first because I knew I would end up doing almost all the work, but I did it anyway.

Shortly after I got licensed, he was offered a position at his previous company. It was a blessing, and he took it. I have been selling real estate in addition to my job and having a lot of success. I believe it's due to my 20 years of office management experience and social media skills. Although I'm an introvert, I'm a hard worker, and my business is growing. People seek me out.

Abby, my husband is jealous. When I sell a home, he pouts, acts depressed or picks arguments around that time. He hates going to business dinners or training with our company, and if I go without him, he barely speaks to me the next day. Sometimes he gets excited and talks about how he needs to sell some houses. When he does, I encourage him and talk about how great he is at working with people, but ultimately he does nothing to make it happen.

I really enjoy real estate. I love getting out and showing houses and networking with other agents, and the extra income has really helped. I don't know what to do. -- PAYING THE PRICE OF SUCCESS

DEAR PAYING: Your husband may be jealous because you have outdone him in his (day)dream job. Or, he may be punishing you out of fear that you are becoming so successful you might want your independence. Keep going and do not allow his behavior to diminish you. None of what you have described is healthy for the future of your marriage. I'm hoping a licensed marriage and family therapist may be able to help you to navigate through this rough patch. Please don't put it off. Without counseling, the status quo isn't likely to change.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who doesn't drive and constantly asks me to take her places. As a good friend, I do it. When I take her to an event, we agree on a time that we will leave, but she invariably stays behind to chat with other people 30 or 45 minutes past the time that we agreed on. In addition, she never offers anything for fuel. I think she's inconsiderate, and I'm thinking about telling her she will need to find her own rides. Am I wrong for this? -- OVER IT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR OVER IT: No, you are not wrong, but the next time it happens, try this: Tell your good friend you will be leaving the event at a specific time and if she wants to stick around and chat, she should find another ride home. That way you won't be inconvenienced.