DEAR ABBY: Regarding "Baffled in Iowa" (Nov. 4), it appears the letter writer's friend may be in danger. As you stated, the man her friend became involved with is "more than a little controlling." At the least, this woman, once located by social services or police, needs a welfare check -- i.e., a serious look at her situation by a well-versed professional familiar with these kinds of situations.

This is just the type of thing that could result in "Baffled's" friend losing her identity and losing all finances to what appears to be a well-heeled con man. One could also envision her being murdered for insurance money. Yes, she is an adult who "has the right to make her own decisions." But, from what we know of this woman, she may not be able to make any of her own decisions and be totally under the control of someone she has known for only a short period.

This woman's situation is more than a little concerning. As a residency-trained, board-certified emergency physician, I've seen similar situations that resulted in identity theft, loss of all assets and even murder. My wife holds a Master of Social Work and has dealt with similar scenarios with clients that resulted in terrible outcomes. We have serious concerns about her friend's physical and emotional safety as well as her financial well-being. -- EXPERIENCED IN COLORADO

DEAR EXPERIENCED: Other readers wrote to express the same concerns. They suggested the friend's new "boyfriend" may be a narcissist, sociopath or domestic abuser. They recommended that "Baffled" contact her local Department of Family and Children's Services to report potential elder abuse. Adult Protective Services may also be able to help. And guidance from the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org; 800-799-7233) should be sought, because the woman's abrupt major changes -- selling her house, moving in with the man, taking out a life insurance policy and ceasing contact with friends -- are multiple red flags.

DEAR ABBY: Some years ago, my ex and I went through a contentious, bitter and prolonged divorce. She's a foreign national, and she returned to her home country a few years afterward. Our son, who is now an adult, soon followed her. I hope to visit him there in a couple of months. My son and my ex expect that I also will visit with her. I do not wish to see her. We are divorced, after all. How do I respectfully let our son know that I do not want to see his mother? And how do I tell the ex? -- NOW SINGLE DAD IN WASHINGTON

DEAR NOW SINGLE DAD: Tell your adult son that while you are looking forward to seeing him, considering the circumstances of the divorce, you prefer no contact with his mother. Hopefully, it won't affect his willingness to see you. If it does, however, you will have to decide whether seeing her is a price you are willing to pay to see your son. (And make that "family reunion" short and sweet.)

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my husband, unhappy in his job, decided he wanted to be a real estate agent. He quit his job to do full-time real estate, and really struggled. The company he joined offered little training, and he had no office skills. The dramatic drop in our income almost bankrupted us. He asked me to also get a license to help (I have a great office job). I didn't want to at first because I knew I would end up doing almost all the work, but I did it anyway.

Shortly after I got licensed, he was offered a position at his previous company. It was a blessing, and he took it. I have been selling real estate in addition to my job and having a lot of success. I believe it's due to my 20 years of office management experience and social media skills. Although I'm an introvert, I'm a hard worker, and my business is growing. People seek me out.

Abby, my husband is jealous. When I sell a home, he pouts, acts depressed or picks arguments around that time. He hates going to business dinners or training with our company, and if I go without him, he barely speaks to me the next day. Sometimes he gets excited and talks about how he needs to sell some houses. When he does, I encourage him and talk about how great he is at working with people, but ultimately he does nothing to make it happen.

I really enjoy real estate. I love getting out and showing houses and networking with other agents, and the extra income has really helped. I don't know what to do. -- PAYING THE PRICE OF SUCCESS

DEAR PAYING: Your husband may be jealous because you have outdone him in his (day)dream job. Or, he may be punishing you out of fear that you are becoming so successful you might want your independence. Keep going and do not allow his behavior to diminish you. None of what you have described is healthy for the future of your marriage. I'm hoping a licensed marriage and family therapist may be able to help you to navigate through this rough patch. Please don't put it off. Without counseling, the status quo isn't likely to change.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who doesn't drive and constantly asks me to take her places. As a good friend, I do it. When I take her to an event, we agree on a time that we will leave, but she invariably stays behind to chat with other people 30 or 45 minutes past the time that we agreed on. In addition, she never offers anything for fuel. I think she's inconsiderate, and I'm thinking about telling her she will need to find her own rides. Am I wrong for this? -- OVER IT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR OVER IT: No, you are not wrong, but the next time it happens, try this: Tell your good friend you will be leaving the event at a specific time and if she wants to stick around and chat, she should find another ride home. That way you won't be inconvenienced.

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when I was an infant. My father had weekend visitations with me sporadically, if at all. Growing up, I was super angry at him for leaving and blamed him for not being around while I was abused by my stepfather. I haven't seen my father in person since I was 18.

As a 40-year-old woman with kids, I'm thinking about reaching out. My kids are curious about their grandfather. I'm curious about his life. Can I really be mature enough to get to know him? How do I keep my anger in check and not demand an answer for every bad deed on his part? Is it worth it? I don't want to be manipulated. The rest of his family doesn't speak to him, either. -- REVISITING HISTORY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR REVISITING: Have you ever tried discussing the reason for the failure of your parents' marriage with the other relatives? If you haven't, you should. If she stood silently by while you were abused by her second husband, she bears part of the responsibility for the abuse.

Because you feel the need to know about your father's life, reach out and ask him. There is usually more than one side to stories like this. However, your chances of getting the answers you're looking for will improve if you refrain from doing it with a chip on your shoulder.

DEAR ABBY: I have two sons, 28 and 23. My 23-year-old has pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS). He has always struggled in school, with friends, society, jobs and in dealing with his emotional highs and lows.

My older son and his fiancee tell me I should force him to go out on his own -- "make him snap out of it." I have tried to explain his condition, but they don't listen because it's not considered a severe disability disease. They are convinced he will be fine and that I need to stop caring for him. My mother and brother, who have been very involved in my son's life, feel I'm doing the right thing by looking for a home where he will have his own separate apartment.

How do I get through to these insistent individuals that I am doing what is best for him? I have supported my oldest son and his fiancee and son extensively over the years, while my youngest son never asks for financial help. I try to give equally of myself to both of my children, and I can't understand why they want to see my youngest suffer. Please advise. -- CARING MOM IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR CARING MOM: Your older son and his fiancee may have taken the stance they have because of jealousy, greed or ignorance. Your younger son should be forced out on his own so he will "snap out of it"? You are a responsible and protective parent, doing what you feel is right for a son with challenges.

That said, have you considered what his future will be if something should happen to you? For this reason, start a discussion with your son's doctor about what supportive services for him are available should it become necessary, so you -- and he -- will be prepared. Clearly, your older son and his fiancee can't be counted on.