DEAR ABBY: I have a problem I just can't identify. I suppose it's a combination of a lot of issues. I live with my boyfriend and work from home. When it comes to patience about almost anything, I have the shortest fuse. Simple things trigger me, and I flare up quickly.

If I see someone driving faster than me on the road, I resent it. Something on TV or even the wrong food will trigger me. My boyfriend takes the brunt of it. Other than my lack of patience and flying off the handle, everything is going relatively well. How can I get a grip and stop overdoing it when I get angry? -- SHORT FUSE IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR SHORT FUSE: You need to deal with two separate issues. Your tendency toward competitive driving is dangerous to your health and others you encounter on the road. Our streets and highways are dangerous enough without motorists treating the privilege of driving as a competition.

The purpose of driving is to arrive at one's destination safely rather than to compete with other commuters. When your stomach starts to tighten, ask yourself: "Could something other than road conditions be what's bothering me?" Then give yourself a pat on the back for your insight and ease up on the accelerator.

Although your boyfriend may have the patience of a saint, unless you learn to control your impulses, you will drive him and others away. There, too, it's important to identify what may really be making you fly off the handle. "The wrong food" or "something you saw on TV," while frustrating, are excuses -- not necessarily the cause.

I publish a booklet, "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With it." It contains suggestions for managing and constructively channeling anger or frustration in various situations. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

It takes self-control to react maturely without exploding. If the suggestions in my booklet do not help you overcome your problem, consider discussing it with a licensed mental health professional. Becoming more in touch with your emotions will help you not only calm yourself without losing it, but also maintain the respect of others.

DEAR ABBY: I am a sophomore in high school, and I recently got into a relationship. This isn't my first rodeo when it comes to this type of stuff, but in this instance, the guy I'm dating has never been in a relationship before. This is his first time. Because I've done this before, I know what to do in certain situations and understand social cues. How do I go about teaching him about certain aspects in a relationship? Like, how do I get him to make the first move and things like that? -- WONDERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: Be patient. Don't pressure him. Remember, everyone advances at their own rate. If what you want is a kiss, ask him for one. With a little help from you, I'm sure he will figure it out.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 13, my 10-year-old cousin let a boy we did not know well into my house. Nobody else was there with us. He told her he wanted to "make out" with me, and he came upstairs. I confronted him and told him to leave. Later on, I told my mother about the incident, thinking I would be commended on my bravery.

Shortly afterward, against my will, she insisted my aunt, a hairstylist, cut my long hair up to my chin. I sobbed during the entire ordeal. My hair had given me confidence about my looks, which I needed because I was large-chested and embarrassed at that age about it. By cutting my hair against my will, my mother made me no longer trust her and think she didn't love me or like me.

In later years, I realized she may have done it so I would not attract boys and there would be less risk of my being harmed by a boy like the one who got into our house. If that was the case, she should have sat me down and explained that the boy could have hurt, raped or even killed me. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt.

Recently, my aunt and I had a falling-out, and I remembered she was the one who actually did the cutting. I am feeling resentment toward her after all these years. I would like parents to know that cutting a teenager's hair at such a vulnerable stage of their development should not be a punishment. It is disrespectful and oversteps a child's boundaries. Am I correct in my thinking? -- STILL REMEMBERS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR STILL REMEMBERS: Yes, you are. Your mother punished you for being an attractive young girl, which wasn't your fault. What she did was a form of assault and blaming the victim, and it was outrageous. It's a shame your aunt couldn't have talked some sense into your mother.

P.S. You did nothing wrong. Your cousin let the boy into the house, and your cousin should have been lectured about it.

DEAR ABBY: I went through breast cancer a few years ago. My breasts are now two different sizes because of the lumpectomy. I wear a gel prosthetic in my bra to camouflage it, and I'm extremely self-conscious about it. Because of this, I haven't dated in 10 years. How can I get past this fear of rejection? -- OUT OF THE GAME IN ILLINOIS

DEAR OUT: I wish you had joined a cancer support group right after that lumpectomy. If you had, you would have received emotional support and tips for dating from other women who have had cancer surgery. Countless women have had breast surgery similar to yours.

If a potential partner is interested in you as a person, they won't be turned off by the fact that your breasts aren't the same size. Many women are born with asymmetrical breasts and live full, happy lives. A way to get past this fear would be to open up and reach out. Another would be to talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. The only thing you shouldn't do is hide yourself away as though having survived cancer is something to be ashamed of.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is 38; I am 36. We have been together for 13 years, married for 11. We never wanted children, although we have some pets. My problem is, we've fallen into a parent-child relationship, where I'm starting to feel like the child. He enables me to the point that if I'm the least bit distressed (i.e., doing dishes and getting frustrated because there are a lot), he takes over what I'm doing. He even tucks me into bed and kisses me goodnight, turns off the light and closes the door. Because of our work schedules, we sleep at different times. I find this strange.

I have mentioned it to him before, and it hurt his feelings. I love him dearly, but seeing him as my "parent" is starting to make it hard for me to love him as my husband. I have asked him to go to therapy, but he is unwilling. I am very blunt when it comes to saying things, and it generally triggers arguments. How can I tell him all of this bothers me without starting a huge fight? -- ADULT WOMAN/WIFE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ADULT: It's interesting the way different people can view the same situation. From my perspective, you married a man who adores you and wants to help when he sees you are frustrated with something. Because you sleep separately, he comes into the bedroom to kiss you goodnight because he loves his wife. That this triggers a negative reaction surprises me. Many women -- including me -- would be thrilled.

However, because his demonstrations of affection bother you, choose a time when you can have a calm discussion and explain to him how these gestures affect you. It also might be worth your while to schedule a session or two with a licensed psychotherapist to give you some insight about why you react so negatively toward your husband's loving gestures that you would write me about it.

DEAR ABBY: I recently made the acquaintance of a woman who just moved into our neighborhood. We are both new members of a local civic club. I asked if she would like to attend an upcoming event for the group and have breakfast afterward. It was a bad move on my part, because she now seems to think I am her best friend.

She sends me text messages throughout the day -- seven yesterday alone. She constantly asks me for rides to meetings and local events, often at the last minute. I'm sure she's lonely, but I am busy with a husband. I also volunteer for a nonprofit group and manage a short-term rental property. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't have time for someone this needy. How do I tell her to back off? -- STRESSED IN RETIREMENT

DEAR STRESSED: Convey that message directly -- but kindly -- by explaining that you are busy with a husband, volunteering for a nonprofit and managing real estate and don't have time to maintain the kind of relationship she's seeking. Tell her you will reach out to her when you have an opening in your schedule. Then suggest she may meet more like-minded people and make more friends if she begins volunteering in the community, too.