DEAR ABBY: Where do I begin? I've been a loyal reader of your column for years. I have been married to my current husband for 14 not-good years. He was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and cardiomyopathy seven years ago and hasn't had a job since then. We have a daughter who will be 7 soon. I feel he could solve these problems by taking his medication and dieting. However, he insists his medical conditions keep him from working.

He doesn't take care of our daughter and doesn't do anything around the house. I take out the trash, wash the dishes, give the little one a bath, brush her teeth and hair and take care of ALL the bills. He makes excuse after excuse. I've been the provider for too damn long. Please help. -- TIRED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TIRED: You stated that you have been married to this man for 14 "not-good" years. Nowhere in your letter did you mention whether there is any love left between you. Does your husband's doctor agree that his medical conditions prevent him from working? Ask the question! If the answer is yes, you will then have to decide whether you can live up to your vow regarding "in sickness and in health." If the answer is no, make an appointment with a family law attorney and inquire about your options and what your responsibilities to him may be should you decide to separate or divorce.

DEAR ABBY: I met my boyfriend online last year. He lives in the U.K.; I'm in the U.S. I love him dearly and we talk about moving in together within the next year. The original plan was for him to emigrate, since I am closer to my family and have an established job. However, I'm a bit worried because he doesn't drive. It's not just because of the learning curve it will take to switch sides of the road, but he doesn't drive in the U.K. either.

I recently asked him why he doesn't, and he said he's worried he will relapse. He was addicted to drugs when he was young but has been clean for years. I don't judge him for his past; I'm proud of who he is now. But I'm worried about having to drive both of us when we live together because my city doesn't have the best public transportation. Is there a way to bring up trying to drive in the U.S. without putting him in a bad spot? Or is there no way around this? -- ONLY DRIVER IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ONLY DRIVER: Has this person been to the U.S. to visit you before? If he hasn't, and doesn't have a job that would prevent it, why not invite him to stay for three or four weeks? That way you could decide if providing all of his transportation would be workable and not too stressful in the long term for you.

Frankly, I don't see the connection between his former drug habit and his concern about driving an automobile. The two of you need to get to know each other a lot better before either of you decides to uproot your lives and relocate. If your relationship continues to grow, it might make more sense for you to move to the U.K.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years has always made me feel like I wasn't good enough for him. He would flirt with other women and say things to me about an ex-girlfriend he broke up with before marrying his first wife. (I caught him private messaging her.) He has told me four different times that we should separate. The first three times, I cried about it. The last time he said it, I told him never to say that to me again.

I have always tried my best to be a good wife to him. He's verbally abusive most of the time. When I see him coming home from work, my stomach ties in knots because I don't know what kind of mood he's in. He can be good at times, but it's not that often. I'm going to be 50 and I'm not sure if I want to live like this the rest of my life. Help, please. -- UNHAPPY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNHAPPY: It's important you recognize that you are married to an emotional abuser. He maintains his power in your relationship by eroding your sense of self-esteem. Discuss with a licensed mental health professional the treatment you have tolerated for the last 30 years and your desire to rebuild your shattered self-esteem. It may take time to accomplish, but it will be money well spent.

At some point you may ask your husband to join you, but don't expect him to automatically agree. Once you feel better about yourself, you can then make a well-thought-out decision about whether to continue being married to him.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 56-year-old man who has been with a great guy, age 50, for 20 years. We were married two years ago. He's a professor; I'm a clinician. We have spent the last 20 years building a beautiful life advancing our careers, traveling to 80 countries, wining and dining in the best places in the world and cultivating long-lasting friendships with people all over the planet.

Five years ago, I felt a sense of emptiness in spite of our happiness and talked to him about children. He was adamantly opposed. I let it go, but now that emptiness is tearing me up inside. I am at the point of giving up my life with him to have a child on my own via adoption or IVF with a surrogate. His biggest issue is how his comfortable life will be changed forever. My issue is getting those last few drops of unfulfilled happiness before it's too late. Please advise. -- HAPPY BUT INCOMPLETE

DEAR H.B.I.: If your husband is steadfast that he doesn't want his lifestyle to change, he may not be taking into account that with you out of the picture, it will change regardless. And it isn't unheard of that someone who is fearful of the responsibility of raising a child can have a change of heart and fall in love with the little person after meeting him or her. If ever a couple could use marital counseling, it's the two of you to help you determine whether a compromise can be reached.

DEAR ABBY: I became engaged to a wonderful man five months ago. We have set a wedding date for next year. I'm ecstatic -- thrilled to be planning such an important milestone in my life. I'm the youngest of five girls. Four of us are extremely close. Three of my sisters have graciously offered to help with the wedding planning and preparation. I have included them in my bridal party -- matron of honor, two bridesmaids, and two of my teenage nieces as junior bridesmaids.

There's one big issue: My parents and two of my sisters insist that I include my oldest sister, "Iris," in my bridal party even though she has a mental illness (schizophrenia). She is medicated, but still speaks to her "voices." I love her, but I don't find it appropriate to include her in my wedding.

My matron of honor is supportive and agrees it would be unwise. However, my remaining family is guilt-tripping me because Iris missed out on two of my sisters' weddings due to being in a psychiatric facility. She lives with my retired parents now and requires care and supervision. Am I wrong for not wanting to risk including her on my big day? -- FUTURE BRIDE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR FUTURE BRIDE: Weddings are family events that can sometimes strain relationships. As with all conflict, communication and compromise are key. Discuss your concerns with your parents, sisters and fiance and consider their opinions and advice. Get assurances of their help to ease your concerns and raise your comfort level.

More important, respectfully discuss your feelings and concerns with Iris. Instead of being in the bridal party, she might be happy with a less prominent role while still being part of the celebration. You may not realize how hurt she would be if she's excluded from this family milestone.

Thankfully, you are healthy and stepping into a bright future. It would be wonderful if Iris could share in this joyful occasion. However, include her only if your parents and siblings are willing to guarantee that should her presence become a distraction or disruptive, they will quietly and immediately remove her.

DEAR ABBY: While having dinner with a group of friends, the subject came up about giving Christmas gifts to grandchildren, nieces, nephews and godchildren after a certain age. Some said they stop giving at 18 years of age; others said they stop doing it when the recipients start their own families. A few of us still give to "kids" well into their 40s. Is there a certain age to stop, or is it up to the individual? -- GENEROUS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GENEROUS: There is no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. It depends on the individual, how many relatives there are and whether the gift-giving is creating a financial squeeze.