DEAR ABBY: My soon-to-be husband and I are moving back to our hometown in the months prior to our wedding. This is, in part, to make wedding organizing easier since we're having it near home. We have other weddings to attend this season, and we need to reduce our living expenses while we save for a house.
Our original plan was to live with my parents for three or four months, which they have encouraged us to do. The trouble is, as the date approached, I realized that, while I love my mother, her alcoholism and the way she behaves when she drinks is difficult to be around. Actually, it's really traumatic, if I'm being honest.
My other half and I have decided to stay with the parents of a good friend instead. They have a seven-bedroom house and are happy to host us, but I'm afraid of starting a conflict or embarrassing my parents by not living with them again. I'm not sure how to handle this without creating a rift before my wedding. -- PROTECTING MYSELF IN UTAH
DEAR PROTECTING: Talk to your father. Thank him for his generosity and offer of hospitality, and explain the reasons for your decision. While he may be used to your mother's drinking, living with an abusive alcoholic is no way for a young couple to start a marriage. There's enough stress involved in planning a wedding without having to worry about your mother's alcohol-infused shenanigans. If he doesn't recognize the good sense in your and your fiance's decision, proceed with your plans anyway.
If your fiance has seen how your mother behaves when she's under the influence and doesn't want to live under your parents' roof when there is an alternative, he shouldn't have to.