DEAR ABBY: After 40 years of marriage, I just found out my husband has been having an emotional affair, in addition to an actual girlfriend he had 15 years ago. I forgave him the last time. This time, he has only said he is wrong, but he hasn't offered an apology, nor is he remorseful.
How can this be resolved? I have removed my wedding rings and refuse to go to his family gatherings. I have read that if he doesn't have remorse and ask for forgiveness, it just won't work. Moreover, he blames me for his poor, impulsive choices. Then he minimizes what he did and tells me I'm "overreacting."
How do I gain his respect? How do you convince someone how badly they have hurt you, and get them to make better choices? -- WRONGED IN DELAWARE
DEAR WRONGED: It may be time for some self-examination. Ask yourself what your husband may be looking for in these strictly emotional affairs. (I assume they aren't physical, or you would have written otherwise.)
If you want to stay married to him, put those wedding rings back on and tell him it is apparent that you two aren't communicating with each other effectively. Tell him you want to work to improve your marriage with the help of a licensed marriage and family counselor, and make an appointment. During those sessions, it will become apparent to him that you have been deeply hurt. However, be prepared to hear some critical comments about you from him. For many couples, this has healed an unhealthy relationship.