DEAR ABBY: My dad, who is nearing 80, has been married to my stepmom, "Ruth," for nearly 35 years. She has always been temperamental and controlling to a degree, but during the last few years it has become abundantly clear that she's emotionally abusive to my dad.
Twenty years ago, I moved to another coast, and although Dad wanted to visit, the decision was always up to Ruth, so they never did. However, when it comes to her immediate family, Dad is required to attend every event. During COVID I moved just a few states away, and that's when I got the full picture. Ruth took away Dad's cellphone and sold his car, so he is virtually stuck. She will not even let him mention purchasing a vehicle. He's an artist, and she never "allowed" him to get a studio.
The list is long, sad and frustrating. He forbids me to confront her, but it is giving me daily stress because I love my dad and I fear her control is something he has grown accustomed to. Any advice? -- DISTRESSED DAUGHTER IN THE SOUTH
DEAR DAUGHTER: As repugnant as the situation may be to you, I do not think you should try to reduce your stress by creating more for your father. He has forbidden you from confronting his wife about her hypercontrolling behavior, and you should respect his wishes. I don't have to like it; you don't have to like it. But this is what your father has been willing to accept for the last 35 years. He and only he could have put a stop to it or left her if he had really wanted to.