DEAR ABBY: My husband of 20 years has had DUIs in the past. He has always been a binge drinker when socializing. He has been going out once a week after work for three hours, during which he drinks and then drives home. He tells me he has a couple beers, but his tab and his face tell a different story.

We have three teenagers who see his behavior, and it sets a bad example. My other worry is that he may take the kids somewhere after he gets home from his weekly outing. I have instructed them not to let Dad take them anywhere on Wednesdays (his regular bar day). I have also asked him not to drive them anywhere on Wednesdays. I make sure I work from home on that day, but all of this doesn't seem like enough, and I want him to stop.

I have thought about divorce for this and other reasons, but I worry his drinking would get worse. I've also considered doing an intervention with family. I'm at the end of my rope and ready to do something, but what is the next step? -- REACHED MY LIMIT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR REACHED: Step one should be to attend some Al-Anon meetings. This is an organization founded to help the friends and families of someone with an alcohol problem, which it appears your husband has. Those meetings will give you perspective. Your next step will be to figure out what divorce may mean for you and your children financially. Once you have that information, tell your husband -- while he is sober and you are calm -- that you have reached your limit and, unless he is willing to quit drinking, you are going to leave him. See how he reacts and, if nothing changes, follow through.

DEAR ABBY: Seven years ago, my husband and I were going through a rough patch. Unfortunately, he shared all the details with his parents. We are still together going on 24 years. I was so upset when I found out he had told them our business because I loved them and knew it wouldn't be the same.

My father-in-law acts like he loves me, but my mother-in-law doesn't talk to me, and I haven't received a birthday card since. On Christmas we receive a check with only my husband's name on it. Only my daughter and my husband are acknowledged on their birthdays. I love my in-laws, and with my own parents gone, I miss just being loved. My husband thinks it's no big deal that they ignore my birthday. Is it really no big deal? -- DREADING MY BIRTHDAY NOW

DEAR DREADING: I disagree with your husband. That his parents continue to punish you because he tattled about your marital problems IS a big deal. And now the tattler should tell his folks it's time to bury the hatchet and welcome you back into the fold. If he's not man enough to do that, then some sessions for YOU with a licensed marriage counselor might help you to accept the status quo. You said you want to be loved, and by that I assume you mean unconditionally. In the case of your in-laws, that may not be possible, and you may need to learn to accept it.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently discovered that for the last seven years -- or more -- my husband has been lying to avoid conflict. What he has been lying about greatly upsets me, but knowing he has lied about these things makes it worse than finding out the truth at the time things happened.

The lies are about his relationships with his female "friends." He has always had a wandering eye. He has lied so many times that I'm wondering what else he has lied about that I don't know about. I find out because he tells on himself without realizing what he has said.

I am now questioning our whole life together. We have been together 31 years, and I'm thinking our entire marriage has been built on his lies. When I confront him about it, he says he "never said it," but he did. How do I live with a lying spouse? -- LIED TO IN GEORGIA

DEAR LIED TO: Solid marriages are built on trust. Unfortunately, yours is lacking in that department. Your first task is to determine whether you want to remain married to a lying husband, who attempts to gaslight you by denying he said something you clearly heard. It would be in your best interest to schedule some sessions with a licensed counselor who can help you to gain enough emotional strength to make that decision rationally rather than emotionally. If you decide to end your marriage, discuss this with an attorney before informing your husband so he or she can guide you in the process.

DEAR ABBY: I am the oldest of four children. I'm closest with my youngest sibling, "Louanne." I have not had a relationship with the other sister, "Emily," for close to 10 years. I tried to reach out a few times and was rejected or received cold responses. My feelings toward Emily have grown numb.

Emily now has some mental issues, and Louanne, who does have a relationship with her, helps her almost to the extreme. She's now talking about relocating Emily from South Carolina to New Jersey, and wants my help arranging it. Until two weeks ago, Emily lived on her own as she had for many years. She's had some ups and downs, but Louanne is treating this as though Emily is no longer able to care for herself.

I'm having a hard time feeling compassion for Emily, and Louanne is upset with me because I don't want to help. It's destroying our relationship. I tried to explain my feelings to her, but she keeps reminding me that this is about "family," so I need to put my feelings aside. I feel torn and alone. Any advice? -- CHALLENGED IN THE EAST

DEAR CHALLENGED: It might help to view this from a different perspective. Although you are distant from Emily, who you acknowledge has mental problems, you are close to Louanne. If you maintain your current stance and refuse to help Louanne, the entire responsibility of relocating Emily will fall on her shoulders, and it is quite a load. You would be doing a good deed by helping Louanne with this burden she has assumed and, if you regard it this way, it may make taking on that responsibility easier for her.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's job brings him a great deal of unhappiness, but he doesn't want to quit. He has been a high school Spanish teacher for 13 years. It's the only career he's ever known. There have always been ups and downs, but the problems over the past few years seem to be that the majority of kids at his school, and the school environment in general, has become increasingly apathetic, dysfunctional and lacking in civility.

He hesitates because he knows that if he left, he would lose interaction with the few kids who make his workdays worthwhile, plus he'd be giving up his pension. He is afraid that another job, if there is even one that he's qualified for, would only make him unhappy in a different way. He comes home seriously downtrodden more days than he comes home feeling OK, let alone happy, and I feel so helpless. What should I do? -- TEACHER'S WIFE IN NEW YORK

DEAR WIFE: Remind your husband how important the work he's doing is, and that his efforts are appreciated by at least some of the students he is trying to teach. He is performing a service that will help those kids who pay attention for the rest of their lives. I speak from experience.

When I was in high school, like many teens who hadn't been exposed to international travel, I thought the whole world spoke English. My heroic Spanish teacher, Sr Ruben Beltran, somehow managed to force a rudimentary knowledge of Spanish grammar and vocabulary into my shrunken head. I have used what he taught me so many times, because Spanish has become increasingly prevalent in the southwestern part of the U.S., where I live.

In years to come, students who make the effort will remember your husband with respect and gratitude. Please tell him I said so, and not to take the dysfunction personally. In recent years, I have often thought group therapy should be offered in the teachers' lounge.

P.S. If he continues to be unhappy, he might benefit from talking to his financial adviser and possibly a career counselor about his options. He should also keep his eye open for other jobs while he's still employed at the school.

DEAR ABBY: I started dating a guy two months ago. It's going really well. I believe we are both on the same page on how invested we are in the relationship. My brother and sister-in-law are having an informal wedding reception next month here in my town, because they had a shotgun wedding originally. It's supposed to be very casual. This guy met my sister-in-law, and right in front of him, she mentioned I can bring a guest.

I kind of laughed it off at the time. It's not that I don't want him there, I just wonder if it's too early to invite him to an event where my whole family will be and if it would seem like I am rushing the relationship. Should I tell him he's welcome to come, or is it too soon? -- UNCERTAIN IN THE WEST

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Because this person knows about the party, why not ask if he would be "interested" in going? I hardly think that telling someone he is welcome would come across as pushy.