DEAR ABBY: I have recently discovered that for the last seven years -- or more -- my husband has been lying to avoid conflict. What he has been lying about greatly upsets me, but knowing he has lied about these things makes it worse than finding out the truth at the time things happened.

The lies are about his relationships with his female "friends." He has always had a wandering eye. He has lied so many times that I'm wondering what else he has lied about that I don't know about. I find out because he tells on himself without realizing what he has said.

I am now questioning our whole life together. We have been together 31 years, and I'm thinking our entire marriage has been built on his lies. When I confront him about it, he says he "never said it," but he did. How do I live with a lying spouse? -- LIED TO IN GEORGIA

DEAR LIED TO: Solid marriages are built on trust. Unfortunately, yours is lacking in that department. Your first task is to determine whether you want to remain married to a lying husband, who attempts to gaslight you by denying he said something you clearly heard. It would be in your best interest to schedule some sessions with a licensed counselor who can help you to gain enough emotional strength to make that decision rationally rather than emotionally. If you decide to end your marriage, discuss this with an attorney before informing your husband so he or she can guide you in the process.

DEAR ABBY: I am the oldest of four children. I'm closest with my youngest sibling, "Louanne." I have not had a relationship with the other sister, "Emily," for close to 10 years. I tried to reach out a few times and was rejected or received cold responses. My feelings toward Emily have grown numb.

Emily now has some mental issues, and Louanne, who does have a relationship with her, helps her almost to the extreme. She's now talking about relocating Emily from South Carolina to New Jersey, and wants my help arranging it. Until two weeks ago, Emily lived on her own as she had for many years. She's had some ups and downs, but Louanne is treating this as though Emily is no longer able to care for herself.

I'm having a hard time feeling compassion for Emily, and Louanne is upset with me because I don't want to help. It's destroying our relationship. I tried to explain my feelings to her, but she keeps reminding me that this is about "family," so I need to put my feelings aside. I feel torn and alone. Any advice? -- CHALLENGED IN THE EAST

DEAR CHALLENGED: It might help to view this from a different perspective. Although you are distant from Emily, who you acknowledge has mental problems, you are close to Louanne. If you maintain your current stance and refuse to help Louanne, the entire responsibility of relocating Emily will fall on her shoulders, and it is quite a load. You would be doing a good deed by helping Louanne with this burden she has assumed and, if you regard it this way, it may make taking on that responsibility easier for her.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's job brings him a great deal of unhappiness, but he doesn't want to quit. He has been a high school Spanish teacher for 13 years. It's the only career he's ever known. There have always been ups and downs, but the problems over the past few years seem to be that the majority of kids at his school, and the school environment in general, has become increasingly apathetic, dysfunctional and lacking in civility.

He hesitates because he knows that if he left, he would lose interaction with the few kids who make his workdays worthwhile, plus he'd be giving up his pension. He is afraid that another job, if there is even one that he's qualified for, would only make him unhappy in a different way. He comes home seriously downtrodden more days than he comes home feeling OK, let alone happy, and I feel so helpless. What should I do? -- TEACHER'S WIFE IN NEW YORK

DEAR WIFE: Remind your husband how important the work he's doing is, and that his efforts are appreciated by at least some of the students he is trying to teach. He is performing a service that will help those kids who pay attention for the rest of their lives. I speak from experience.

When I was in high school, like many teens who hadn't been exposed to international travel, I thought the whole world spoke English. My heroic Spanish teacher, Sr Ruben Beltran, somehow managed to force a rudimentary knowledge of Spanish grammar and vocabulary into my shrunken head. I have used what he taught me so many times, because Spanish has become increasingly prevalent in the southwestern part of the U.S., where I live.

In years to come, students who make the effort will remember your husband with respect and gratitude. Please tell him I said so, and not to take the dysfunction personally. In recent years, I have often thought group therapy should be offered in the teachers' lounge.

P.S. If he continues to be unhappy, he might benefit from talking to his financial adviser and possibly a career counselor about his options. He should also keep his eye open for other jobs while he's still employed at the school.

DEAR ABBY: I started dating a guy two months ago. It's going really well. I believe we are both on the same page on how invested we are in the relationship. My brother and sister-in-law are having an informal wedding reception next month here in my town, because they had a shotgun wedding originally. It's supposed to be very casual. This guy met my sister-in-law, and right in front of him, she mentioned I can bring a guest.

I kind of laughed it off at the time. It's not that I don't want him there, I just wonder if it's too early to invite him to an event where my whole family will be and if it would seem like I am rushing the relationship. Should I tell him he's welcome to come, or is it too soon? -- UNCERTAIN IN THE WEST

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Because this person knows about the party, why not ask if he would be "interested" in going? I hardly think that telling someone he is welcome would come across as pushy.

DEAR ABBY: I am a freshman at a Midwestern university, and I love it. I finished my first semester with straight A's, and my second semester has been strong. I have a great group of friends and have already made plenty of memories. My problem is I have been having a disagreement with my mom. I would like to rush a sorority in the fall, and while my dad is fine with it, my mother won't even entertain the topic.

I've never shared a lot with her regarding my social life because she has always been very strict (for instance, my dad knows I enjoy tailgating and partying as long as my grades are good). I am very responsible and always take care of everything that needs to be completed before I let myself have fun. Dad knows this and trusts me. However, I couldn't fathom telling my mom about it.

I think part of the problem is she grew up abroad, and when she came to the U.S. for college in the 1990s, she faced a severe culture shock. We have always been very different people. Contrary to what she may think, my main reason for joining a sorority is not "to party." It's an attractive option for off-campus housing, and I think it would be an effective way to meet more people (especially at such a big school). If I don't like how rush pans out for me, I have no issue with dropping out, but I think it would be worth a try.

I want to have an open conversation with Mom, but she is very close-minded. I don't want to go behind her back, because I think that would only do more harm than good. How should I navigate this conversation? -- GOING GREEK?

DEAR GOING: As much as you dread it, you must have a sit-down, comprehensive conversation with your mother about this. Emphasize the benefits of being in a sorority. She may be concerned because in some Greek organizations there have been severe abuses of the pledges, some of which were so dangerous that students lost their lives. You may also want to research the compliance history of the Greek organizations on your campus before addressing the subject with your mother, so you can allay any concerns she has.

DEAR ABBY: My 27-year-old daughter has issues due to a bitter divorce between her father and me. She treats us poorly, blames her problems on us and feels she is justified. How do I handle this? I don't think she respects either of us much. As for our relationship, we get along as long as things are going OK for her. But if she's having a difficult day, I get the blame. Advice? -- COLD-SHOULDERED IN NEW YORK

DEAR COLD-SHOULDERED: Tolerating your daughter's behavior isn't healthy for either of you. Encourage her to seek professional help for her "issues," and when she starts the blame game or being disrespectful, shorten the visit, end the phone call or otherwise distance yourself.