DEAR ABBY: I have recently discovered that for the last seven years -- or more -- my husband has been lying to avoid conflict. What he has been lying about greatly upsets me, but knowing he has lied about these things makes it worse than finding out the truth at the time things happened.
The lies are about his relationships with his female "friends." He has always had a wandering eye. He has lied so many times that I'm wondering what else he has lied about that I don't know about. I find out because he tells on himself without realizing what he has said.
I am now questioning our whole life together. We have been together 31 years, and I'm thinking our entire marriage has been built on his lies. When I confront him about it, he says he "never said it," but he did. How do I live with a lying spouse? -- LIED TO IN GEORGIA
DEAR LIED TO: Solid marriages are built on trust. Unfortunately, yours is lacking in that department. Your first task is to determine whether you want to remain married to a lying husband, who attempts to gaslight you by denying he said something you clearly heard. It would be in your best interest to schedule some sessions with a licensed counselor who can help you to gain enough emotional strength to make that decision rationally rather than emotionally. If you decide to end your marriage, discuss this with an attorney before informing your husband so he or she can guide you in the process.