DEAR ABBY: My adult granddaughter, "Kaia," is in a relationship with "Jenny." Jenny's stepmom doesn't believe in gay marriage or homosexuality. I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that Jenny's family doesn't accept Kaia or allow her in their home. Kaia is excluded from all holidays and family functions.

I don't know what to do or say to her about this. They are getting married in two months, and Jenny's family is still shunning her. How do I deal with these "holy rollers" who use the church as a reason to hate my granddaughter? I don't want to die knowing she'll have a miserable life ahead of her. Please help me. -- SUPPORTIVE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SUPPORTIVE: If Jenny's family are truly good Christians, they may not dislike your granddaughter. They may be following a misguided directive to love the "sinner" but hate the "sin."

I cannot advise strongly enough that Kaia and Jenny discuss the ramifications of that family's stance BEFORE they marry. I am surprised Jenny would attend family gatherings from which Kaia is excluded. If this continues after the marriage, it could damage their relationship. A counselor at the nearest LGBTQ center would be helpful in facilitating this discussion.

Be as supportive to your granddaughter and Jenny as you can so they know you're always in their corner. Encourage them to cultivate their own "chosen family" as they move into their future.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jonah," comes from a large family. They are rude people who live in a small, rural town, and they don't like outsiders. Jonah and I have been together 15 years (married for eight), and I have never been invited to his mother's home or some of his siblings' homes.

We love to entertain, so they attend our holiday parties, where they literally walk in without greeting me. They eat all our food and leave without saying goodbye or even helping with the cleanup. It's "pack behavior." They do this all together.

I have reached the point that I no longer want to host these events. I feel uncomfortable in my own home. Jonah and I have started cutting back on the number of parties we host, and now they are making rude comments about it. My husband acknowledges that they're a bunch of miserable, rude people, but that doesn't help the situation.

I don't want anything to do with them, and I don't want to be forced to keep inviting a bunch of ungrateful individuals who don't have even the common courtesy to speak to me. How can I make Jonah understand how I feel? Please help. -- ANNOYED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ANNOYED: If you have expressed to your husband what you have written in your letter, he does understand, but doesn't want to acknowledge it. The way his family has treated you is deplorable. If you don't wish to entertain them, let your husband buy and prepare the food and do the cleanup with no help from them afterward, while you go and do something alone or with people whose company you enjoy. He can also visit his relatives without you if he wishes.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 17 years with three great kids. My wife and I have struggled on and off during those 17 years. I often feel like maybe I don't love her. We are complete opposites. I'm adventurous, daring and extroverted. She denies me sex a lot. This last time was for four months.

During that time, I met someone who has the same adventurous spirit as I do. We have hung out and we text often. She's currently getting a divorce. I'm falling for her and I have expressed it to her. She likes me, but she doesn't want a relationship right now because she isn't sure what she really wants. She's also afraid we both won't really leave our spouses if we start something.

I stopped texting her, but she said she will wait for me. How do I manage this because I'm hurting in my marriage and hurting by not texting her? -- TORN IN OHIO

DEAR TORN: Inform your wife that the current status of your marriage is no longer acceptable. Denying marital relations appears to be her way of punishing you, which is unfair, so offer her the option of marriage counseling. If she refuses, I hope you will go alone to help you decide rationally which, if any, next steps you want to take.

If you decide to leave your marriage, there is no guarantee the woman you have been seeing will follow through with her divorce, but let her know what your plans are. I should add that for many people, the first relationship after a divorce does not lead to marriage, if you're contemplating jumping from the frying pan into the fire.

DEAR ABBY: I was a birth mom 45 years ago. My mother forced me to give up my child at birth. Not one person supported my wish to keep my child. My heart and mind screamed, "No, don't do it!" Now, the birth father says he's sorry because he's having serious health problems and thinks he could be dying. I have forgiven everyone involved, over and over. But I've lived with depression, PTSD, etc., all these years and I cry about it still. The older I get, the more loss I feel.

I found my adult child 15 years ago. It started out OK and went downhill from there. My heart aches so much to have a connection with this child of mine. I'm shutting down inside while still waiting. I'm too tired to keep going on. My dreams are gone. My hopes are shattered. I'm ready to curl up and die. What can I do? -- DESTROYED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR DESTROYED: I am sorry for your overwhelming pain. What you need to do -- and quickly, before you shut down further -- is summon the strength to seek help from a licensed mental health professional.

Forty-five years ago, attitudes about out-of-wedlock births were far different than they are today. Neither you nor the father of that child were equipped to properly care for the baby. Because you have forgiven everyone else over and over, it is time to find a way to forgive yourself and put a stop to your endless grieving.

DEAR ABBY: The pandemic has put a strain on relationships. Last year, I lost my best friend of 40 years over the COVID vaccines. I believe the vaccine helps to keep me safe, as well as helps my family and friends. This friend decided he and his family would not take the jab. He quit his job rather than get vaccinated. This caused a rift so wide that, in his eyes, he and his family could not continue being friends with our family. I'm sad about it.

The big problem my wife and I are contending with concerns our 8-year-old daughter. She has been best friends with my (former) best friend's daughter since birth. There have been eight years of sleepovers, birthdays, park visits, get-togethers and everything in between. We haven't seen them in six months. We can't keep telling our daughter the pandemic is the reason she can't see her best friend. This situation is so simple and so complicated. What do I tell my daughter about her best friend? -- VICTIM OF THE TIMES

DEAR VICTIM: Tell your daughter the truth -- that her friend's parents will no longer allow it. Then explain why. That way she won't think that this is in any way her fault.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently contacted by my graduating class to help organize a reunion. Since then, one of the organizers has decided that our committee is an inseparable trio who must get together regularly by Zoom and occasionally in person.

We were not in touch before the reunion and we have little in common, but I can tell she's lonely, so I've indulged her so far. However, she now wants to convene periodically for long weekends at a nearby inn. I do not want to leave my spouse for long weekends or spend money and time on a person whom I don't care to befriend.

When I've tried to demur with "unavailability" excuses, she insists we are a trio and we simply will wait a few weeks until I can find an open date. I don't want to be rude, but I can't figure out how to politely tell her that I have no interest in accepting her suggestions for an extended slumber party. How should I handle this? -- RELUCTANT ALUMNA IN THE WEST

DEAR ALUMNA: Handle it by being frank with this needy individual. Tell her, "This isn't going to happen. I do not wish to leave my husband for a weekend. I don't mind helping with the reunion, but your demands on my time have increased to the point where they are too much for me."

DEAR ABBY: The season of pleasant weather and outdoor concerts is approaching. Invariably, we end up sitting by the chatterboxes. These folks seem oblivious to anyone else, including the performers and the rest of us who want to enjoy the performance. I realize these are free concerts, but I don't want to have to listen to these rude people. Any suggestions for silencing them so we can hear what the rest of us came for? -- DISGUSTED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR DISGUSTED: Keep your tone civil. You might ask, "Would you please talk more quietly? We are trying to enjoy the performance." However, if they aren't receptive to your suggestion, consider moving as far away from them as possible.