DEAR ABBY: My adult granddaughter, "Kaia," is in a relationship with "Jenny." Jenny's stepmom doesn't believe in gay marriage or homosexuality. I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that Jenny's family doesn't accept Kaia or allow her in their home. Kaia is excluded from all holidays and family functions.
I don't know what to do or say to her about this. They are getting married in two months, and Jenny's family is still shunning her. How do I deal with these "holy rollers" who use the church as a reason to hate my granddaughter? I don't want to die knowing she'll have a miserable life ahead of her. Please help me. -- SUPPORTIVE IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SUPPORTIVE: If Jenny's family are truly good Christians, they may not dislike your granddaughter. They may be following a misguided directive to love the "sinner" but hate the "sin."
I cannot advise strongly enough that Kaia and Jenny discuss the ramifications of that family's stance BEFORE they marry. I am surprised Jenny would attend family gatherings from which Kaia is excluded. If this continues after the marriage, it could damage their relationship. A counselor at the nearest LGBTQ center would be helpful in facilitating this discussion.
Be as supportive to your granddaughter and Jenny as you can so they know you're always in their corner. Encourage them to cultivate their own "chosen family" as they move into their future.