DEAR ABBY: I had substance abuse problems in the past. I have been in a rehabilitation program for a while now, and have been sober for more than a year. I would like to continue my sobriety and feel I could stay sober from drugs and still drink socially. My family is against me drinking at all, even though alcohol is plentiful at their holiday get-togethers. They also don't want me socializing with friends who drink at all, even if these friends don't use other substances. I should mention I am of legal drinking age.

How can I convince my family that I will stay off drugs while drinking socially? I know they want what's best for me, but I don't want to feel left out of family events or have to end friendships, which feels extreme. -- RESPONSIBLE SOCIAL DRINKER

DEAR RESPONSIBLE: While your family is well-intentioned, I agree their thinking they can maintain your sobriety "for" you by deciding what you may and may not drink on their premises is extreme. And the decision of who you can safely socialize with should be made by you.

This is an important subject you should discuss with your sponsor or the administrators of your substance abuse rehabilitation program. Please don't wait to do it. Not knowing you personally, I cannot -- and should not -- advise you further than this.

DEAR ABBY: I reconnected with my ex-husband, "Liam," a year ago, 16 years after our divorce. (We hadn't seen or talked to each other during that time.) He's remarried with four kids; I am single with two kids. We got married when we were young, but we're now in our early 40s. We know what we want or don't want in a partner, and know what we will/won't put up with, etc.

Liam is still legally married, and I have been single for a year. He and his wife have been separated almost two years. We have been intimate, which I feel has brought us closer together. We are very compatible. We get along well, have the same religious beliefs and we're both vegetarians. We had a long talk about our future a few days ago and whether we should try to get back together. Both of us feel the same way. We're still very much in love with each other after all these years.

Should we try to get back together when the time is right, or should we leave the past behind us and let it go? Any advice is greatly appreciated. -- SECOND CHANCE IN GEORGIA

DEAR SECOND CHANCE: No one can decide for you whether you and Liam should try to reconcile "when the time is right" -- which I assume means when he is divorced from his current wife. I can offer this advice: As appealing as the idea may seem right now, do not do it until you have had joint counseling with a licensed marriage and family therapist to resolve any lingering issues that "might" crop up.

Also, if Liam is really contemplating offloading his current missus, he needs to consult an attorney who specializes in family law so he will be fully prepared for the battle that's sure to lie ahead.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 40 years. Fifteen years ago, she was diagnosed with cancer and given 18 months to live. Well, she is still around. Because of the illness and experimental medications, she was bedridden, and her dementia grew steadily worse. Left with no other options because of problems with insurance, I placed her into a nursing facility six years ago.

I am still at an age at which I have, I hope, many active years ahead of me. I visit her often, but I have a need for companionship that she obviously can no longer fulfill. I'm friends with a few women (usually friends of friends), and from time to time have the urge to become closer. I go out to dinners, music venues, art shows, etc.

I am torn about whether to live my remaining days in loneliness or pursue the possibilities. Is it wrong to want companionship in my situation? At what point should I explain my situation without scaring off a nice lady friend? Your opinion would be helpful to me as another perspective. -- ANONYMOUS, OF COURSE

DEAR ANONYMOUS: What happened to your wife is unfortunate, and you both have my sympathy. Wanting and needing companionship are normal. It is important to ask yourself: If the situation were reversed and you were in a nursing home suffering from dementia, to what extent would you want your wife to go on with her life? Whatever you decide after that, it is crucial you not forget you have a responsibility to make sure she is being well cared for. This means visiting her often to ensure it, because dementia patients do better when they know someone loves them.

As to how to explain to women that you are married, well, the ones who are friends of friends already know that. And those you meet who don't know should be told during the course of your first serious conversation. It's the honorable thing to do.

DEAR ABBY: I got married six months ago to an awesome guy. Now we're expecting. Although I don't want the child, I am trying hard to want it. But I keep coming back to overwhelming regret, because it is too soon. I know this means the world to him. Truly, he is amazing, but his light is my doom.

I need time away from him to see how I feel. We are never apart, and it's making me irritable, like I have nothing of my own anymore. He's always there. I suppose it is a good thing, but I can't breathe. What do I do? I feel like an awful wife and person now. What if the baby comes and I turn into some evil mom? -- NEUROTIC IN NEVADA

DEAR NEUROTIC: Healthy relationships, marriage included, are all about honest communication. Tell your amazing husband you need time alone to recharge and process your thoughts. Was he this way before you were married, or could it be because you are pregnant and, in his eyes, "vulnerable"?

You are not an awful person for needing alone time, and it won't make you an evil mom, so calm your fears. You may just need respite, which you won't receive until you make it known. Because, I assume, you are seeing your OB-GYN regularly, it is important you discuss the emotions you are experiencing with them. You may be suffering from depression, which some pregnant women do. Your feelings may also be normal, considering your pregnancy was not planned.

DEAR ABBY: When a friend of mine "makes dinner" for invited guests, it's either takeout Chinese food or delivered pizza. Frankly, I am sick of it. Last Thanksgiving, they invited me and several others over for dinner. You guessed it! Chinese food. I told my friend I was surprised and not in the mood for Chinese food, offered my apologies and left. We didn't talk for four months.

This past year I was again invited to Thanksgiving dinner. I declined and, when asked why, said, "I'm sick and tired of what is being offered." The response was, "Then I guess I'll stop inviting you. And I don't need your friendship." I replied, "Glad we are on the same page!"

Abby, this "friend" knows how to cook and could certainly order something different. Was I out of line? I have no regrets the friendship has ended. -- FED UP IN THE WEST

DEAR FED UP: When someone accepts an invitation to someone's home, rather than criticize the menu, they should be grateful for the hospitality being extended. Were you out of line? The way you phrased your reason for declining was rude. You could have inquired about the menu and asked if you could bring something more "traditional." It's fortunate you have no regrets that your relationship with your former host has ended. I'm pretty sure the feelings are mutual.

DEAR ABBY: On Sunday evening, a much older woman I'd never met came to my door saying she was a neighbor and was there to recruit me to participate in a political lobbying event her church was sponsoring. This is not something I wish to do.

I tried to refuse nicely. But then she said several times she required my name, email address and phone number so she could send me more information as well as opportunities to pass the information to other people. I asked for her information instead, but saying "no, thank you" and trying to excuse myself to get back to my children didn't lessen her persistence. Eventually, I apologized and closed the door on her.

People should not be harassed in their home, even though she may very well be a neighbor in this small neighborhood. How could I have handled this better? -- NO SOLICITING

DEAR NO SOLICITING: The person who came to your door had an agenda; it wasn't a social call. In a situation like the one that was thrust upon you, good manners did not require you to offer an apology. Frankly, you should have closed your front door sooner.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 65-year-old woman who has never enjoyed sex. I've had lovers, and I'm a very affectionate person, but the act itself has never been comfortable for me. Now that I'm post-menopausal, it's practically impossible.

I have never been married, but I want to find someone. In fact, I yearn for a life partner. I'm on dating sites, and my question is: How should I describe myself? It seems most men want sex. Should I include my lack of interest in sex in my profile so they know what they're getting? I don't want to waste anyone's time, especially not my own. But this feels so weird and awkward to address. -- EVERYTHING BUT THAT IN NEW YORK

DEAR EVERYTHING BUT: It would benefit you to go online and search for dating sites for people who want romance only, without sex. These sites do exist, and it may comfort you to know that you are definitely not alone. If you do try one, I hope you find the man you are looking for.