DEAR ABBY: My 23-year-old daughter is dating a transgender woman, "Holly." My family is accepting, and we love Holly. However, she has been met with varying levels of acceptance from some of our friends.
Recently, one of them, "Gina," invited our family to an upcoming poolside barbecue at their home. Gina's mother (who lives with them) told my daughter she should bring her girlfriend. Normally, Holly would not accompany us, as she works odd hours, but she happened to have this day off.
Gina and her mother are accepting, nonjudgmental people. Gina's husband is not. I don't like him, but I tolerate him for Gina's sake. My main concern was Holly's safety and well-being, but she wanted to come despite knowing what he's like. When I called Gina to make sure he wouldn't make trouble, she told me she didn't think it would be a problem, but she would give him a heads-up. She called me right back afterward, extremely apologetic, saying he reacted very badly, and she didn't think it was a good idea to bring Holly.
I think she was more than a little naive about her husband's ability to accept Holly, but I know it's not her fault and I'm not upset with her. However, I am left with an awkward situation. My daughter wants to stay home with Holly now, which I'm fine with. I told Gina weeks ago that I would attend her party. But now I feel like I am betraying my daughter and Holly, and I'm not looking forward to being around Gina's husband at all. I honestly am not sure what the right thing to do here is. Any advice would be welcome. -- PROGRESSIVE MOM IN THE SOUTH
DEAR MOM: The right thing to do would be to follow your heart. In this sad situation, that would be conveying your regrets to Gina and, in the future, seeing her apart from her husband, who you can't stand anyway.