DEAR ABBY: My husband of 49 years had an affair two years ago with a woman younger than our daughter. The affair is over now, but I no longer trust him.

The "other woman" is a musician who performs with an adult ensemble that he conducts. He refuses to talk to her about discontinuing her involvement in the group, and is, in fact, including her in a tour in which many of our friends and I are involved. I find this demeaning and disrespectful, but he doesn't think there's a problem.

I am dismayed, but I haven't spoken to friends or family about the affair because I don't want my children or grandchildren to be hurt. What should I do? -- OUT OF TUNE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR OUT: If the affair is really over, the young woman is an integral part of the group and you will be accompanying your husband on that tour, do nothing. (I hope it's a big bus!) If, however, the affair is not a thing of the past, schedule an appointment with an attorney to discuss what your options are and talk with your adult children. They should be warned there may be stormy clouds on the horizon.

DEAR ABBY: I recently contacted a man I dated 32 years ago, when I was 17. He told me he was widowed 13 years ago after a 13-year marriage. Since then, he hasn't dated anyone, talked to anyone or had any kind of human intimacy whatsoever. He is 58. It isn't normal and it doesn't seem like anyone in his family has helped him get through this, so he is stuck.

We have been talking for the last seven months. We live 6 1/2 hours apart. It seems like rather than "rock the boat," he has let other people rule his life. His children are all in their 20s. He tells me he wants to visit and vice versa, to see where things go. We both say marriage is not on the table. I can't even imagine it. His daughters have referred to me as his girlfriend when he has had me on the phone and they are in the background. Please advise. -- NO DEFINITE PLANS YET

DEAR NO DEFINITE PLANS: You said your old beau has been living like a monk for the past 13 years. Ordinarily, I would advise you to invite him for a visit. However, in this coronavirus era, you need to know whether he has been vaccinated for COVID before you do that. Discuss this with him during one of your conversations and see how he feels about it.

DEAR ABBY: After 18 years of happy marriage, my husband came to me the other day and asked me to order some "leggings," or what I call "yoga pants." He said he had seen them on TikTok. Mind you, we're both 40. He said they're sexy and he'd love to see me in some. I'm not sure how to feel about this. I am 5'7", weigh about 115 and I have no booty. Should I order the pants or be offended? -- NO BOOTY IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR NO BOOTY: Order the pants! If he'd like to see you in them, what do you have to lose? While you may feel self- conscious about your posterior, never forget that it's the booty he married. Please, let that reassure you. (If you're unsure, consider wearing a tunic top with them.)

P.S. You may find them very comfortable.

DEAR ABBY: After 18 years of happy marriage, my husband came to me the other day and asked me to order some "leggings," or what I call "yoga pants." He said he had seen them on TikTok. Mind you, we're both 40. He said they're sexy and he'd love to see me in some. I'm not sure how to feel about this. I am 5'7", weigh about 115 and I have no booty. Should I order the pants or be offended? -- NO BOOTY IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR NO BOOTY: Order the pants! If he'd like to see you in them, what do you have to lose? While you may feel self-conscious about your posterior, never forget that it's the booty he married. Please, let that reassure you. (If you're unsure, consider wearing a tunic top with them.)

P.S. You may find them very comfortable.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I asked a friend to accompany me to a concert for which I offered her a free ticket. (I paid $150 for each one.) The original plan was to travel from New York state to Ohio, which would have been a three-day weekend. She responded with a grateful yes, then instantly changed the location to head in the opposite direction, planned out the entire trip, including the driving, and turned it into a five-day trip!

Well, it happened again. She's a great travel companion, so I asked if she'd like to go to Nashville with me for a couple of days. It instantly changed to a week, and she invited other people to join us without discussing it with me. Within 90 minutes of bringing up the trip to her, it no longer includes Nashville! It's like she waited for me to invite her to do something just so she could change it to something she wanted to do.

It really hurts that she oversteps my invitations. If I continue to plan the trip, including everything she wants to do, we will be gone for weeks. What can I say or do to make her see I really wanted to go to Nashville? -- DERAILED IN NEW YORK

DEAR DERAILED: Here's what to say to this presumptuous person:

"The itinerary you have planned isn't what I had in mind at all, so carry on by yourself. I am going to Nashville." And then follow through. Bon voyage!

DEAR ABBY: I currently live in my parents' house with my 1-year-old son and husband. We live here not because of unfortunate circumstances or events, but because we help my elderly and disabled parents with things such as bills, rent, groceries, etc. Unfortunately, my lazy sister also lives under the same roof. She refuses to get a job or help around the house, and often creates extreme drama. Benign events seem to set her off.

I have told my parents on numerous occasions that I can't deal with the madness, and either she goes or we do. But I end up feeling such immense guilt at the thought of my parents struggling with bills and daily rituals that I end up pushing those feelings of anger and resentment aside.

I don't know what I should do. Should I free myself from my sister's unhinged behavior and move out, or should I stick it out and suck it up in order to be a good daughter and help my parents? -- ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

DEAR ROCK: The problem with issuing an ultimatum is that for it to be effective, one has to be prepared to follow through.

You haven't done that, so your protestations aren't taken seriously. You and your husband need to have one more talk with your parents and make clear that the current living situation isn't working for you because it is too stressful. Tell them if the situation isn't changed -- and your sister at the very least finds a job and contributes -- you and your husband will be moving. Then follow through.