DEAR ABBY: My physician husband recently had a total hip replacement. (Orthopedics is not his specialty.) I'm a board-certified registered nurse with 40 years of experience who used to work inpatient orthopedics. He refuses to follow the surgeon's directions or mine, which are the same. He believes he knows more than all of us combined. However, when the home health nurse and physical therapist came, he accepted everything they told him. When I told him he doesn't respect my professional opinion, he didn't respond. Then I told him he'd insulted my integrity, and he blew up and accused me of being crazy.

History will soon repeat itself because he has to have his other hip done in a few months. I am to the point of letting the chips fall where they may and letting his outcomes (good or bad) be his sole responsibility. However, this is difficult to do as a wife and nurse. Plus, I will have to live with the fallout of any suboptimal outcomes. Your advice? -- HIP SERVICE IN FLORIDA

DEAR HIP SERVICE: Whether caused by a painful recovery or the drugs he has been prescribed, your husband's behavior is self-defeating. Because he ignores your and his surgeon's advice, you have no choice but to let the chips fall where they may. You can suggest and warn until you're hoarse, and your husband will continue to tune you out. The person who will have to live with the consequences is your noncompliant husband.

Allow me to offer a suggestion: Hire a nurse to tend to him after the second hip replacement and stay safely out of the line of fire. The peace of mind will be worth the money.

DEAR ABBY: I have a niece who is bipolar. She was put into rehab at the age of 20 and has been clean and sober for the last three years. We have always been close, but on a family visit, she asked my opinion about a job choice, and I was honest with her. Because it wasn't what she wanted to hear, she is extremely distant now. I am no longer "Auntie." She calls me by my first name only. Weekly calls have ceased.

I have championed my niece, supported her emotionally when she had problems and helped her out financially. Her mother says if you don't agree with her (even though she solicits your opinion), you are then "against" her. What's the best way to reach out to her? Due to extreme drug abuse for many years, she seems emotionally stuck at age 14. -- AUNTIE NO MORE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR AUNTIE: With the clear understanding that I am not a psychotherapist, may I point out that some individuals who suffer from mental illness find it necessary to place people into two categories: friends and enemies. Disagreeing with your niece has landed you in the latter. Her mother has explained this to you, so try not to take it personally.

I don't think this troubled young woman will be receptive to a reconciliation until she has found another target. In the meantime, remain open, stay cordial and fill your life with activities that bring you joy rather than pain. I'm sure her mother will update you on your niece's progress.

DEAR ABBY: My brother "Patrick" and I have known "Bobby" for about 20 years. Patrick is closer friends with him because they live in the same town. Recently, we found out that Bobby's best friend was arrested for child pornography. While Bobby knew nothing about this before the arrest, he still wants to support his friend.

I told Patrick he will no longer be welcome in my home (I host for all the holidays) if he doesn't cut off all contact with Bobby. My brother says I'm being too harsh because you can disapprove of someone's behavior and still be a friend. I think that child pornography is morally and ethically wrong and there is no middle ground here. What do you think? Should Bobby have a seat at our table? (He has no other living family.) -- NOT WELCOMED IN THE EAST

DEAR NOT WELCOMED: I do not think you should excommunicate your brother because of something Bobby's friend did. I believe the Bible says that while you can hate the sin, you should still love the sinner, and that is what Bobby is doing. If you wish to check the reference, you may discover you have a copy somewhere in your home. You can review that chapter with your brother at your holiday table.

DEAR ABBY: I am 35, and my boyfriend is 31. We met at work and moved in together. It has been five years now and still no proposal. I thought we were on the same page, but he just purchased a brand-new muscle car and is only concerned about that, buying new sneakers (he has a sneaker obsession) and making more money. I currently share a rental lease with him and am considering going my separate way in three months, mainly because he is complacent and our relationship has become stagnant. It is going nowhere. Please help. -- HOPED FOR MORE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HOPED FOR MORE: Getting to know someone takes time. Be glad you have realized this man isn't husband material before you wasted more time waiting for him to mature. Hang in there until the lease is up, then move resolutely on, parting I hope, as "friends."

DEAR ABBY: I am 35, and my boyfriend is 31. We met at work and moved in together. It has been five years now and still no proposal. I thought we were on the same page, but he just purchased a brand-new muscle car and is only concerned about that, buying new sneakers (he has a sneaker obsession) and making more money. I currently share a rental lease with him and am considering going my separate way in three months, mainly because he is complacent and our relationship has become stagnant. It is going nowhere. Please help. -- HOPED FOR MORE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HOPED FOR MORE: Getting to know someone takes time. Be glad you have realized this man isn't husband material before you wasted more time waiting for him to mature. Hang in there until the lease is up, then move resolutely on, parting I hope, as "friends."

DEAR ABBY: I am a lover of and rescuer of cats (and dogs). I rescued a beautiful and loving cat with horrible wounds on his neck. I got him neutered, his wounds cleaned and sewn up, and became attached to him. I had asked my elderly neighbor if she wanted him. She said she'd think about it. She visited him at my house as his wounds healed, and a few months later she took the cat.

When I visited her a few months after that, I saw she was feeding him so many treats that he was (I'm not exaggerating) morbidly obese. When I told her so, she got insulted. She didn't believe me so she took the cat for a checkup at the local veterinarian.

The vet told her the same thing in no uncertain terms, and to feed the cat no treats and a certain low-fat dry cat food. With my help she ordered the food and I measured it into bags to make it easier for her, as she gets a bit confused.

I weigh the cat every Monday and he has lost a bit of weight already. Slowly is the best way. But she's not pleasant to work with and is fighting me all the way. I'm a patient person and do my best, but sometimes it's hard not to lose my temper. Any suggestions? -- CARES ABOUT FUR BABIES

DEAR CARES: Unfortunately, we don't always get to know people until we see them in action, as you are now doing with this neighbor. For that cat's sake, hang onto your temper and continue to help her and her fur baby. If she's becoming increasingly confused, it is important that someone not only keep an eye on the feline in that household, but also her -- to ensure that she is able to take care of herself.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I divorced five years ago. We have four grown children. He wanted to sell the house, but I ended up buying him out because two of our kids were still living at home.

Fast-forward to now: We are expecting our third grandkid. Since the divorce, he doesn't want to co-parent with me. He keeps saying we are no longer a family. The holidays and main events are now celebrated separately. I am increasingly sad about this. He refuses to be civil with me. He's a racist, and I happen to have a boyfriend of a different race living with me now.

His attitude is affecting our children, especially the one still living with me. I want to be able to share the joy of our new grandkids and the successes of our children, and the dilemmas as well, but I can't. Should I confront him? Or should I just consider him "dead"? -- SOMEONE'S MISSING IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SOMEONE'S MISSING: I seriously doubt that "confronting" your ex-husband will work out well. You are a loving, enthusiastic parent and you do not need your ex's negative attitude putting a damper on your happiness.

Continue hosting these celebratory events, and extend invites to your ex if you wish. However, because of his racism, do not expect him to show up. That's a good thing, all things considered. Continue to dwell on the positive, and you and your children will all be happier.