DEAR ABBY: I have been married more than 25 years and have kids. I'm also gay. I always have been, but when I was a teenager, it wasn't acceptable and I always believed I would just outgrow it, or learn to live with it. Then came the computer era and the internet -- things I never dreamed of while growing up. They changed my life, yet I'm still closeted.

I have had two gay relationships. Both lasted less than a year. I feel like my whole life has been a lie, and I pretty much screwed up my wife because of it. I did provide her with all the creature comforts financially, and gave her two beautiful kids.

I just don't know if it's worth coming out at this point in my life. I'm also reluctant because I don't have a guy in my life right now, although I am looking. It's just so difficult. I'm torn about how to live the remainder of my life. Please help. -- CLOSETED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CLOSETED: Because you are looking for a partner, it looks like you really don't plan on sticking around once you find one. Tell your wife the truth so she can decide how she would like to spend the rest of her life. She may need help from a licensed therapist to deal with the ramifications of your disclosure, so be prepared because it may be a shock when she learns the person she has spent the last quarter of a century with is not exactly who she thought he was .

DEAR ABBY: I was adopted and recently came across my biological family. It's huge. I suffer from severe depression and now know that most of my bio family does, too.

During the past year, my husband and I decided to tackle it head-on with medication, and there has been a noticeable change in me. My husband is very supportive, and we are close. Problem is, I want to meet my out-of-state bio brother alone. He's the only full sibling I have, and our connection is uncanny.

My husband is a hyper extrovert, and I don't want his charming antics to distract from this moment (although usually I love it). He, however, says he can't agree. He's afraid something with the new family will set off a depressive episode, and I'll be too far away for him to get to me. That's understandable. But what do I do? I still feel the same. Is he right or am I? -- CONNECTING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONNECTING: Not knowing how serious your depressive episodes have been, my instinctive reaction is to advise you to listen to your husband. Surely he wouldn't have to be with you every minute and could stay at a nearby hotel or motel while you are seeing your sibling.

That said, if there is any chance that an episode could result in you becoming self-destructive, it is important to discuss this visit with the therapist who prescribes your medications before making any plans to go. Do tell your husband that if he accompanies you, you would like him to tone down his need for attention so he won't distract from your experience or your brother's.

DEAR ABBY: I have come to realize that the best thing a person can do for anyone is to cook something for them. I enjoy the expression on their faces when they take the first bite, and the positive compliments I receive.

I have a cookbook collection that, at present, numbers more than 3,200 items. I actually ran out of room for all of it in my home. Nevertheless, I would like to order your cookbooklets -- I guess you could say in order to "feed" my obsession. I'd love to know which of the recipes are among your favorites.-- COOKING IT UP IN VERMONT

DEAR COOKING: For years, I, too, obsessively collected cookbooks, so I relate to your addiction. Be careful what you wish for! (My late husband used to walk by the crowded shelves muttering that he couldn't understand why I didn't actually prepare the recipes, but it was the photographs that hooked me.) The recipes in my cookbooklet set of two are ones that I have used for entertaining. Among my favorites in "Favorite Recipes" are the Company Crab Dip, Lobster Bisque, Sweet Potato Casserole (Thanksgiving), Swedish Meatballs, Everybody's Favorite Meatloaf, Burgundy Lamb Shanks, Date Cake, Fruitcake (Yes, I know -- but THIS one IS good!), the Famous Pecan Pie (a blue ribbon winner) and the Chocolate Mousse. Among my favorites from "More Favorite Recipes" are the Little Mushroom "Pies," Hearty Bean Soup, Cathy Lee's Rice, Eggplant Mozzarella Casserole, Cornish Game Hens (stuffed with raisins, walnuts and apple), Chocolate Zucchini Cake (it's healthy!), Raw Apple Cake With Caramel Glaze, Heavenly Peanut Butter Pie and Regency Brownies. For anyone not experiencing sugar shock after reading this, my booklets can be ordered by sending name and address, plus check or money order for $16 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. After reviewing this list, my mouth is watering, my toes are curling and I'm realizing what a miracle it is that I'm not six ax handles across, but these are dishes I prepare for guests -- not my own daily consumption. Readers have written to tell me some of them have won prizes at county fairs in years past, so I'm sure you will enjoy them, too.

DEAR ABBY: I've been in an off-and-on marriage for eight years. My husband drinks every day. Once he's reached a certain alcohol level, he curses me and talks trash about my family. He is no longer affectionate with me. Our marriage is toxic. We are living like roommates instead of husband and wife. He won't go to AA and is very disrespectful, and I'm going to leave him. What do you think? -- CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE IN GEORGIA

DEAR CAN'T: I think your husband has shown you he isn't going to change for the better. After eight years of living with his drinking problem and verbal abuse, the time has come to consult a lawyer and set yourself free. If you're looking for validation from me, you have it.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: It is time for the breaking of the Ramadan fast. Happy Eid al-Fitr, everyone. -- ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my second husband for more than 15 years. My 30+-year-old son from my first marriage, who was born disabled, lives with us. He walks and talks, but cannot be left unattended. He also needs medication. He cannot read or write, but looks like he has no medical issues at all.

I have no extended family members in the state. My husband and I were invited to a family wedding. However, my disabled son was not. Bride's rule: No children allowed. I pointed out that he is older than she is. He sees this relative several times a year.

Child care is hard to find and expensive. I do not know if others tried to get the bride to change her mind. My husband attended alone while my son and I spent the evening with friends and had fun. He didn't say anything to cause a confrontation.

Please share your thoughts. I get very sad whenever family events come around and she is there. Life is different when you have a family with special needs. -- HURT IN THE EAST

DEAR HURT: I agree, life is different for families in which someone has special needs. If you haven't already, I think you have the right to express your feelings to the bride. It would be better than silently nursing a grudge and fuming when you see her.

While it would have been nice if she had included your son in the invitation, she was within her rights to invite -- or exclude -- anyone if she had concerns. Because your husband was able to represent the family while you and your son had fun elsewhere, from my perspective, everything turned out well.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend never gets off his phone -- like ever! The first thing he does in the morning is wake up and grab his phone. He was off one day last week and -- I'm not exaggerating -- he didn't put it down for 13 hours.

He plays this one particular game, and it's all he does. It's affecting our relationship, but if I say anything about it, he laughs, gets mad or ignores me. I don't know what else to do. Help! -- WOMAN VS. PHONE IN OHIO

DEAR WOMAN: Was your boyfriend always like this? If the answer is no, he may have become addicted to gaming, which, as of 2020, had become a multibillion-dollar industry. According to The Addiction Center, the "average" gamer spends six hours a week glued to his or her cellphone. That your boyfriend went on a 13-hour binge is cause for alarm. One sign of addiction is when it interferes with daily life or relationships. That he blows you off when you try to discuss it tells me he is deep in denial.

There is treatment for gaming addiction, but only if the addict is willing to admit there's a problem. Treatment may involve private counseling or, in some cases, inpatient care. However, if this is unaffordable, On-Line Gamers Anonymous (olganon.org) may be a helpful alternative. It is a 12-step program based on the principles of AA. If you go online, you will find there is a fellowship of friends and family members of gaming addicts. You might want to check it out. If you intend to continue this romance, get out of the house when he binges and do something you enjoy.