DEAR ABBY: After I ended a 20-year marriage, I took some time off from relationships and am now back in the dating world. My ex-husband and I never had children.

I recently met a man with two teenagers. He says I am "detached" from children. I am not detached! I just never had experience with them. How do I proceed with this relationship since his kids are very dear to him? -- NOT DETACHED

DEAR NOT DETACHED: This man's offspring are no longer "children." They are teenagers, and teens can be complicated. Reach out to them the way you would anyone of any age. Be friendly and show them you are interested in them. If they have a mother in the picture, do not try to "mother" them. See if you share any common interests (sports, music, fashion, etc.), resist the urge to lecture them, and be a good listener.

DEAR ABBY: Back around 1987, a girl asked me to take her to her high school prom. I was several years older, didn't know her well and wanted to say no but couldn't. In the end I stood her up. I don't even remember her name. She worked at a grocery store with my brother.

That was more than 30 years ago. I am married now and have two fine children. I was recently asked what my biggest regret is, and I said standing her up. Not one week has gone by in the last 30 years that I haven't thought about her and wished I could find her and tell her how truly sorry I am.

It's funny. Although I can't remember her name, there's no one from my past that I have thought about more than her. I would give anything to find her and apologize. It haunts me. Any suggestions? -- BIGGEST REGRET IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BIGGEST REGRET: What you did to that girl was brutal. Because it's not possible for you to directly offer the apology she deserves, concentrate harder on the present and always try to treat everyone with kindness and sensitivity.

DEAR ABBY: I'd like advice on how to handle a problem that crops up every time family members invite me out to a dinner they are paying for.

I know the rule of etiquette is to order an item that's the same or less than what the host is ordering, but I am often asked to order first. This means I have no idea what the payer's meal will cost. If it means ordering something on the menu other than what I'd rather have -- a burger instead of a steak -- in that case, should I offer to pay for my own meal? What if they won't hear of taking any money from me? Can I still order the steak since my offer to pay was refused? -- LIKES TO FOLLOW THE RULES

DEAR LIKES: A way to get around ordering first might be to say, "I haven't decided yet. I'd like to hear what the others are ordering." However, if you would be uncomfortable doing that, and your hosts won't let you have a separate check, be a gracious guest and enjoy every bite of your steak dinner.

DEAR ABBY: My husband recently started a new job. He works with a bunch of women, which is a switch from what I'm used to since all his previous jobs were with all men.

These women "adore" him, and I don't think most are a threat, but two of them are very flirtatious, although he's not one to notice that stuff. He says they act like that with everyone, but I have tried to explain there are boundaries of what's acceptable for how a woman acts toward a married man. He thinks I'm overreacting and they don't mean anything, but they treat me differently when he's not around.

I am confident he wouldn't flirt back, but they seem to take his kindness as "accepting" their behavior. I don't want them to think he thinks it's OK, but he doesn't want to be rude since they all work together. What can be done, and how can I get him to see what I see? Am I overreacting? -- STUCK BETWEEN QUIET OR CONFRONTING

DEAR STUCK: You and your husband will be a lot happier if you stop obsessing about his work environment. Nowhere in your letter did you state that your husband has been unfaithful.

It would be extremely inappropriate for you to confront his co-workers. If their "adoration" gets to the point where he becomes uncomfortable, he can either tell them enough is enough or enlist the help of his supervisor or his boss.

DEAR ABBY: I was lunching with a group of women when the waiter walked up and addressed us as "you guys." Men would be highly offended if a waiter approached a table of men and referred to them as "you ladies." To me, there needs to be another way of addressing women that does not insult them and expect it to be accepted. It would have been just as easy to say, "What can I do for you ladies today?" or something of that nature.

One of the women at our table informed the waiter that we were a group of women, not men. Was she right to correct him? -- PATSY IN ALABAMA

DEAR PATSY: The use of the word "guys" is decidedly casual. I'm sure your server -- who I'll bet was a young person -- didn't intend to insult anyone when he addressed your group as "you guys." While I would not have been offended, clearly your tablemate was. And because she was offended, she was right to speak up -- as long as she did it in a way that didn't embarrass the server.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of 11 years has a 16-year-old son from a previous relationship. Yesterday his son had a job interview, and not only did my boyfriend accompany him into the interview, he also answered the questions for his son. I tried to explain to him that parents don't do that, but he thinks I am just being critical. Doesn't it look bad if parents go along into interviews? -- BAFFLED IN THE EAST

DEAR BAFFLED: It not only looks bad, it is bad. It looks terrible! Your boyfriend is a helicopter parent, and as well-meaning as he may be, he is doing his son no favors. I would be shocked if the boy was hired after that interview.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter was accepted at a college of her choice in Pennsylvania that offered loads of grant money. Our out-of-pocket is about $6,000 if she gets a Stafford loan or works this summer to help with the $4,500 that would be the loan. My husband is insisting on a community college, which she doesn't want to attend. He constantly cites the fact that our house is in foreclosure and that he owes money to the IRS for his business, which is why things can't be.

I think our children should be able to do things if they're workable. I encouraged them all through school to do their best and follow their dreams. My husband offered no assistance with homework or anything else. Any compliments they got for extracurricular involvement and excellent grades, he'd always say it was because of me -- and rightly so, but it was also them.

Incidentally, our firstborn wanted to go to a particular college, but his father convinced him to go to the community college by promising he'd pay for it and get him a car. He never even taught the poor kid to drive. I offered professional driving lessons, but my son declined.

Now my husband is using the same tactics on my daughter. Should I send her to follow her dreams against his wishes? You can't stifle them forever. -- ENCOURAGING MOM IN NEW YORK

DEAR MOM: With the house in foreclosure and money owed to the IRS, your husband is right to be concerned. Sometimes the best-laid plans go awry because of circumstances beyond our control, specifically the volatile economic climate we have been experiencing.

That said, I think you may be overdue to have a frank talk with your daughter about what she may have to do in order to supplement the grants being offered by the college of her choice. If she is willing to work over the summer and possibly beyond -- and considers taking out a student loan of her own -- she should be given the chance to live her dream.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together 15 years. We used to be inseparable. He was my best friend.

Ever since our daughter was born nine years ago, we rarely spend time together. Most of his free time is spent in the basement doing woodworking; I spend my time upstairs or outside. I don't think he enjoys my company anymore.

I have told him this, and he says it's not intentional, and he loves me more now than ever. But it feels to me like we are growing apart, and I am very lonely. Because my daughter is who I spend most of my time with, she is the one who suffers my moods when I'm sad and upset with him. What can we do to be friends again instead of just parents? -- MISSING IT IN OHIO

DEAR MISSING: Explain to your husband that you are lonely and need more of him than you have been getting since your daughter was born. Start exploring child care options and then schedule some adults-only date nights for just the two of you. This works for many other couples, and it may help the two of you renew some of the excitement that was there when you were child-free.