DEAR ABBY: My mom is mad at me. I have been a little bad, but I always do the dishes, sweep, clear the table and take out the trash. Every day when school is finished, I wait for Mom to get off work so she can help me with my homework, but when I do, she gets upset, mad and frustrated and stops talking to me. She tells me to do it myself, but I don't know how to do some. She says I'm smart, but I don't know if I am. Please help me because I want my mom happy. -- STUCK STUDENT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR STUDENT: Of course you do. When your mother becomes frustrated while trying to assist with your homework, the reason may be she is stressed about something else after a hard day at work, or she doesn't know the solution. Please take that into consideration, because I have no doubt you are smart and want to please her.

When you get stuck, ask your teacher for help if he or she is available. If that isn't workable, another solution to your problem may be as simple as your mom finding someone who can tutor you in areas you are weak in. High school and college students do this (online for now) for extra money. You may also find help online with Khan Academy or other nonprofit educational organizations.

DEAR ABBY: A couple of our family members habitually come late to gatherings, making the grand entrance. They attended a wedding shower several years ago. They arrived late, ate the food and socialized minimally. Just as the gifts were being opened, the two of them got up, smiled at everyone and walked out. The rest of us were shocked.

Fifteen months later, the two attended a baby shower for the same relative. Again, they arrived late and barely interacted with anyone. When the meal was served, they ate and, just as the presents were about to be opened, they got up and left. Several attendees commented on their rudeness.

How do you deal with relatives who feel this is acceptable behavior? We were brought up to believe that if you attend an event, you stay for the event, rather than eat and run. If you can't stay, don't come.

Older family members are having a hard time accepting their behavior. Are we older folk out of step with today's society? -- HATES RUDENESS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HATES RUDENESS: The way to deal with this kind of rudeness is to point out to the offenders that what they are doing is disrespectful. And if it happens after the warning, omit them from the guest list.

DEAR ABBY: I clipped and saved a quote you published years ago. Given today's challenges, I thought it might be a good time to reprint it: "Things turn out for the best for those who make the best of the way things turn out." -- BOB IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR BOB: Amen to that. And it applies to so many different situations.

DEAR ABBY: My now-ex and I had a complicated, four-year on-again, off-again relationship. I finally ended it five months ago, but I'm still not sure whether I made the right choice.

Every guy I date I compare to him. It's hard to imagine myself with anyone else. We were so similar, and we made so many plans together. Our families weren't crazy about us being together. I backed away many times because I wasn't sure of us in the long term.

Maybe it was because I'm only 22 and scared of committing forever, or because I want to be a doctor and have years of schooling ahead of me. Our relationship was always very hot and passionate, but it turned very cold and distant sometimes.

I'm confused. Did I leave for the hope of something better or a fear of commitment? Or was it because I'm young and still trying to figure out my life and felt he was holding me back? -- SECOND THOUGHTS IN ARIZONA

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Your life is just beginning. If you are sincere about your desire to be a doctor, you may have to postpone other aspects of your life until you are closer to your goal. The last thing you need in the near term is the distraction of a hot and passionate/cold and distant romance.

You mentioned that you backed away "many times" because you were unsure about the two of you in the long term. Please stop tormenting yourself. When you meet Mr. Right, you won't have those second thoughts because you will know the relationship is right.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in a profession that I don't enjoy anymore, and I would love to venture into another field of interest. I have been in this industry for 10 years, and it carries a lot of stress that I'd like to rid myself of. My concern, however, is that my husband is not working, so I bear all the financial weight.

We have two kids, and he's a stay-at-home father, which is what we want for our children. We have been fortunate to be able to do this on my income alone, but I'm afraid this has obligated me to maintain a job in which I'm not happy in order to ensure my family's financial security.

How can I try to discover my passion so I can be happy in my day-to-day while keeping bills paid and food on the table? Is this even possible, or must I suck it up and do what's best for my family? -- SEEKING SOMETHING NEW

DEAR SEEKING: If you haven't already begun, start a dialogue about this with your husband. If he's willing to change the dynamic of your arrangement, the answer could be as simple as his taking a part-time job to ease some of the financial burden on you while you explore your options. I'm sorry you didn't mention how old your children are, because after COVID restrictions are lifted and they are back in the classroom, he might be able to find something during their school hours.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY ASIAN READERS WHO CELEBRATE THE LUNAR NEW YEAR: The Year of the Ox begins today. I wish a happy, healthy new year to all who celebrate this holiday. People born in the Year of the Ox are steadfast and determined, and that's no bull. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I have never been close. We talk to or see each other five or six times a year at family functions. Honestly, I am fine with this.

I recently had a baby (her first grandchild), and suddenly she wants to come over all the time. I have tried to set boundaries (giving a day and time when she may come over), but it makes me look like a bully, and she tells people she doesn't feel welcome. My issue is she struggles with boundaries. She asks about my finances, inappropriate questions regarding my pregnancy, etc. -- topics I don't feel comfortable discussing with her.

I honestly don't view this as my problem. We barely have a relationship and haven't for a long time, so I think she should take what I am offering. I simply do not care to see a lot of her. If she wants to see the baby, I feel I must be present because her having time alone with the baby is not an option that will work. Should I feel bad that she doesn't feel welcome? -- IT'S COMPLICATED

DEAR IT'S COMPLICATED: I am sorry you weren't willing to share what caused your estrangement from your mother because it would have given me more to work with. Assuming there is a good reason for it (which I am), your mother is correct about what she's telling people. She ISN'T welcome. In fact, she's quite the opposite. If she doesn't know the reasons for it, you should make them clear to her. Because you are hearing her complaints repeated by others, feel free to explain to them the reasons. You are within your rights to set boundaries regarding your mother's visits, and you should not be made to feel guilty for doing it.

DEAR ABBY: I have known my friend "Isabella" since elementary school. When we were teenagers, we both developed medical problems. I tried to help her as much as I could, but it became clear that she was having trouble dealing with her condition. She was headed down a bad path and struggling emotionally, so we gradually grew apart.

I friended her on Facebook because I still wanted to remain friendly, but she never posted anything until recently. Now she has started posting about heavy drug use and how much it "helps" her.

I don't want to be associated with this. I'm building a career, and I don't want anyone assuming I use drugs, too. However, I want to remain friends with Isabella on Facebook, since it's our only method of communication, and I want to help her overcome this. What do you suggest? -- DISCREET HELPER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HELPER: I'm suggesting you unfriend Isabella immediately for the reason you mentioned: the fear of guilt by association. As much as you would like to help your old friend with her addiction problem, and while you might suggest she enter a treatment program, it won't happen until she finally realizes the drugs are not only not improving her life, but preventing her from accomplishing it. From what you have written, Isabella is still neck deep in denial, and you cannot fix that.