DEAR ABBY: My mother and I have never been close. We talk to or see each other five or six times a year at family functions. Honestly, I am fine with this.

I recently had a baby (her first grandchild), and suddenly she wants to come over all the time. I have tried to set boundaries (giving a day and time when she may come over), but it makes me look like a bully, and she tells people she doesn't feel welcome. My issue is she struggles with boundaries. She asks about my finances, inappropriate questions regarding my pregnancy, etc. -- topics I don't feel comfortable discussing with her.

I honestly don't view this as my problem. We barely have a relationship and haven't for a long time, so I think she should take what I am offering. I simply do not care to see a lot of her. If she wants to see the baby, I feel I must be present because her having time alone with the baby is not an option that will work. Should I feel bad that she doesn't feel welcome? -- IT'S COMPLICATED

DEAR IT'S COMPLICATED: I am sorry you weren't willing to share what caused your estrangement from your mother because it would have given me more to work with. Assuming there is a good reason for it (which I am), your mother is correct about what she's telling people. She ISN'T welcome. In fact, she's quite the opposite. If she doesn't know the reasons for it, you should make them clear to her. Because you are hearing her complaints repeated by others, feel free to explain to them the reasons. You are within your rights to set boundaries regarding your mother's visits, and you should not be made to feel guilty for doing it.

DEAR ABBY: I have known my friend "Isabella" since elementary school. When we were teenagers, we both developed medical problems. I tried to help her as much as I could, but it became clear that she was having trouble dealing with her condition. She was headed down a bad path and struggling emotionally, so we gradually grew apart.

I friended her on Facebook because I still wanted to remain friendly, but she never posted anything until recently. Now she has started posting about heavy drug use and how much it "helps" her.

I don't want to be associated with this. I'm building a career, and I don't want anyone assuming I use drugs, too. However, I want to remain friends with Isabella on Facebook, since it's our only method of communication, and I want to help her overcome this. What do you suggest? -- DISCREET HELPER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HELPER: I'm suggesting you unfriend Isabella immediately for the reason you mentioned: the fear of guilt by association. As much as you would like to help your old friend with her addiction problem, and while you might suggest she enter a treatment program, it won't happen until she finally realizes the drugs are not only not improving her life, but preventing her from accomplishing it. From what you have written, Isabella is still neck deep in denial, and you cannot fix that.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy babysitting for the children of family and friends. But while I have nothing to hide, I hate how everyone seems to have inside cameras. I feel like I'm in a fishbowl, like if I let their kids veg in front of the TV or the computer, I'll be judged as lazy. I also hate having my picture taken, so the idea of being on a live feed all day is off-putting.

Do I ask them to turn off the cameras, or stop babysitting? I can't be the only person who is uncomfortable being monitored all day like a caged animal. What's a good way of handling this? -- MONITORED IN OHIO

DEAR MONITORED: People usually have cameras inside their home for security reasons, and so they will have a warning or evidence in case of a break-in. Parents and pet owners enjoy peace of mind knowing they can periodically check to see how their precious angels are doing. The intent is not to spy on you.

If you feel you are being watched excessively, ask the parents how they think you are doing. Unless they complain about your performance, a good way of handling this would be to simply accept the situation, or restrict your babysitting to homes that are camera-free.

DEAR ABBY: I have had a crush on a man since we were in our teens. We're now in our mid-40s. Both of us ended long-term relationships about a year ago. We have stayed in contact every now and then, but only as friends -- more like family. He was best friends with my beloved late uncle.

We have decided to meet, with sex at the forefront of our thoughts. How do I prepare myself to go into this with a sex-only mind frame? Do you think this could damage our 30-year friendship? -- NERVOUS IN OREGON

DEAR NERVOUS: It has been my observation that men and women view sexual relationships differently. Women often let their emotions get involved. Men can more easily separate the two. It could absolutely damage your 30-year friendship if what he expects is a casual friends-with-benefits relationship and at some point you decide you need more from this man you have had a crush on since your teens.

DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old daughter has stopped talking to me. She said I need counseling to discuss the abuse during her childhood. I asked, "What abuse?" She won't say! I can't think of any. She was never spanked. She was given anything she asked for and allowed to join any club or sport she was interested in.

The only thing she finally mentioned was that my husband and I had arguments. We didn't argue often. I'm at a loss. Should I step back and leave her alone? I send texts and call her once a week. Most go unanswered. When she does answer, she asks if I have started counseling. Please advise. -- CUT OFF IN INDIANA

DEAR CUT OFF: Tell your daughter that you are open to counseling, but only if it is joint counseling with her to figure out why there is such a disparity in your -- and her -- memories of her childhood. If you do, it may -- I can't guarantee -- resolve what's happening now.

DEAR ABBY: Because my fiance and I had bad experiences in the past, we settled on just living together for the last 17 years. He has been like a husband to me and faithful all these years. Recently, however, I caught him in an online affair.

I checked his phone one day out of the blue -- something I have never done before because we respect each other's privacy. The emails were daily, back and forth, with only one mentioning a sexual encounter at the beginning.

He confessed that he had made a big mistake once and refused to see her again in person but had kept up the correspondence. He begged me to forgive him and I agreed, since we were together for so long.

The problem is, now we argue about his phone. He still expects the same privacy with it. I don't feel comfortable with that now. Does he still deserve the same privacy? -- HUNG UP IN OHIO

DEAR HUNG UP: No, he does not. What he deserves is the chance to rebuild your trust, and that involves accountability on his part, which includes allowing you access to his phone if you feel insecure.

After 17 years together, both of you have a large emotional investment in this relationship. Because of that, it might be beneficial to schedule some sessions with a licensed relationship counselor to figure out where it went off the rails.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column every day. I know sometimes you suggest people see a doctor, either medical or psychological. What do you do if you are terrified of doctors?

I have asthma and consult my doctor via a computer, but some doctors (like dentists) can't do that. I have horrible panic attacks and anxiety. Then my asthma kicks in, I can't breathe, and I cry uncontrollably. I don't want to take medications because they make me sleepy.

Because I'm so doped up, someone has to come with me to the doctor to drive me home and watch me be an uncontrollable mess. Also, missing a whole day of work for a one-hour doctor appointment is, in my opinion, ridiculous. I think I'd rather be sick than go to the doctor.

My family insists it's all in my head and I should just get over it, but because of many horrible experiences at doctors' offices, which I believe caused my fear, I just can't. The current situation with the worldwide COVID epidemic has made my anxiety worse. Your thoughts? -- TERRIFIED TO GO THERE

DEAR TERRIFIED: My thought is that you need to ask your doctor or your insurance company for a referral to a licensed psychologist who specializes in phobias and panic attacks. Many of them consult with their patients online these days. Once you finally get a handle on that problem, the rest will be easier. While few people relish the idea of going to the doctor or dentist, NOT doing what is necessary to protect your health can be dangerous.