DEAR ABBY: Every year for the last 15 years or so, my husband's sister has sent us a huge box of homemade cookies for Christmas. My husband is from a large family, and she does this for each family. I know it involves a great deal of time and effort on her part, and she sends them via priority mail, which means an additional expense.

The problem is, we don't eat cookies. Weight is a concern for both of us, and I avoid sugar or sugar products as I don't believe they are healthy. Before we retired, we took the cookies to work to get rid of them or they were thrown out.

Many years ago, I asked my mother-in-law what to do so as to not cause hard feelings. She advised, "Don't say anything; she needs something to keep her busy." I then asked a brother-in-law how he handled the unwanted cookies. He said, "Throw them away or give them away, but don't tell her."

My SIL suffers from mild depression, and everyone tiptoes lightly around the issue to avoid upsetting her. I feel bad that she has spent time and money on these unwanted cookies all these years.

No one on that side of the family has ever said anything, and perhaps, many of them enjoy the cookies. Evidently even a carefully worded "thank you, but we can't consume them" note would cause family problems. I tried not sending an acknowledgment; the cookies kept coming. What's your suggestion? -- SWEET PROBLEM IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR SWEET PROBLEM: I suggest you keep things the way they are. Your sister-in-law needs something to occupy her mind and give her a sense of purpose during a time of year when people can become depressed. Get creative. Those cookies might be appreciated by a church group, a residence for seniors or even holiday gifts for your neighbors if you repackage them.

DEAR ABBY: My 22-year-old daughter asked if her 23-year-old best friend could stay with us for six months. Her friend's parents had to return to Europe to finish wrapping up some things and then would return for their citizenship appointments, so we agreed to the arrangement. Rent-free, because we are nice.

My daughter got a school offer in Houston and moved there in May. Now it's just her best friend and us at the house. Well, COVID-19 happened, and the parents are banned from entering the U.S. They have asked us if she can stay until the ban is lifted, which who knows when this will happen. We agreed, but now it's November.

I miss my personal space, and I need her to move out. I feel she has overstayed. But I don't know how to approach her or her family and say this arrangement will end soon. How should I handle this? -- CROWDED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CROWDED: You have been more than generous to your daughter's best friend, and I hope your generosity has been appreciated not only by her but also her parents. She is an adult, and she needs to be told the arrangement she had with you is coming to an end. Set a date for her to leave and notify her parents that they may need to make other living arrangements for her if she can't do it herself.

DEAR ABBY: I could use some advice on the best response to my 89-year-old father's letters. He cleverly inserts insults into them without writing anything for which he could be criticized.

For example, he has always talked about how he hates fat people. I am very overweight. My father sends me letters talking about how fit and trim another relative is who had just visited. That's all he says about them, and it's all he writes to me about. I can certainly read between the lines.

This isn't a one-time thing, just one example. I know my father will never change. He was abusive to me, my siblings and my mother. I see these letters as another way for him to continue his abuse, so I ignore them. Not engaging is my way of taking the high road. Extended family and friends bug me to talk with him about it, but I have never had a good experience with talking to my father.

I would have hoped that being closer to death would cause him to reconsider his interactions with his children, but he just isn't able to do so. Could you recommend a response other than silence? -- READING INTO IT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR READING INTO IT: As a matter of fact, I can. Write him back and say something like this:

"Dear Dad, you may have been wondering why I don't respond to your letters. They contain nothing more than comparisons to other relatives who are skinnier and more fit than I am, and frankly, I find them painful to read. I am not writing this as a criticism of you, but only so you will understand my silence.

"Sincerely,

"Your Daughter 'Judy'"

You do not have to talk to him. This should get your message across.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who is divorced and struggling financially, but doesn't work other than sporadic pet-sitting jobs. I enjoy her company and we have a lot in common, but when we go on outings together, she expects me to drive and pay for her drinks and food if she doesn't have enough money. She doesn't own a credit card.

I'm starting to feel resentful and like I'm being taken advantage of. She thanks me sometimes, but I think she feels that because I am financially comfortable and she isn't, I should be a good friend and help her out. I really want to discuss the situation with her, but I am afraid of coming across as stingy and uncaring. What are your thoughts? -- USED IN ALABAMA

DEAR USED: I have to take issue with your signature. You are not being used; you have been allowing yourself to be used. It would be neither stingy nor uncaring to ask before making a date to go out together whether she has the money to pay her way. If the answer is no, suggest doing something that doesn't involve money or that's within her budget -- unless you want to treat her. But treating her should not be expected, any more than any other gift would be.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, I kindly and lovingly gave my daughter some feedback on how she berates her husband in front of my 8-year-old grandson. I told her I didn't want him to grow up thinking that's how we treat the people we love. To make a long story short, she said that if I wanted to estrange myself from her, I had succeeded. I remained calm and loving and told her she could use the feedback if it was helpful, or ignore it if it wasn't. She has now blocked me!

My daughter has had no compunction over the years about informing me about my shortcomings, but went into a rage when I spoke about her behavior. Although it breaks my heart that my daughter has cut me out of her life, my real concern is losing contact with my grandson. Fortunately, my son-in-law is still relaying messages to him, but what about when I want to visit my grandson? I have always stayed with my daughter and her family. -- HEARTBROKEN IN ANOTHER STATE

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: You may have hit the nail on the head, but you must have also struck a nerve for your daughter to have reacted so strongly. Staying with her may be off the table until she cools off, but visits with your grandson may still be possible if her husband can arrange it. Not knowing your son-in-law, I can only guess that it may be just a matter of time until he tires of your daughter's verbal abuse and exits the marriage, but if they separate, it may make access to your grandchild easier for you.

DEAR ABBY: Several of us lady friends get together periodically over coffee to catch up. We haven't seen each other since the pandemic began, but I'm thinking of inviting them to my backyard for a socially distanced get-together.

One of them is very political and dominates the conversation with her opinions and observations. Because of it, I'm considering not including her. I don't want to cause hard feelings, but I don't know what to do -- not have the gathering, lay out ground rules or put up with her political spewing? Your thoughts would be appreciated. -- MISSING MY FRIENDS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MISSING: Deal with it by leaving the choice of whether to attend up to this amateur pundit. Keep it alcohol-free and explain that you want the conversation to be "light" and strictly social, which is why you do not want the subject of politics to be mentioned. At all. It will then be up to her to decide which is more important: her soapbox or some much-needed relaxing conversation.

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear late mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

Have a safe, happy and socially distanced celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY