DEAR ABBY: I could use some advice on the best response to my 89-year-old father's letters. He cleverly inserts insults into them without writing anything for which he could be criticized.

For example, he has always talked about how he hates fat people. I am very overweight. My father sends me letters talking about how fit and trim another relative is who had just visited. That's all he says about them, and it's all he writes to me about. I can certainly read between the lines.

This isn't a one-time thing, just one example. I know my father will never change. He was abusive to me, my siblings and my mother. I see these letters as another way for him to continue his abuse, so I ignore them. Not engaging is my way of taking the high road. Extended family and friends bug me to talk with him about it, but I have never had a good experience with talking to my father.

I would have hoped that being closer to death would cause him to reconsider his interactions with his children, but he just isn't able to do so. Could you recommend a response other than silence? -- READING INTO IT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR READING INTO IT: As a matter of fact, I can. Write him back and say something like this:

"Dear Dad, you may have been wondering why I don't respond to your letters. They contain nothing more than comparisons to other relatives who are skinnier and more fit than I am, and frankly, I find them painful to read. I am not writing this as a criticism of you, but only so you will understand my silence.

"Sincerely,

"Your Daughter 'Judy'"

You do not have to talk to him. This should get your message across.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who is divorced and struggling financially, but doesn't work other than sporadic pet-sitting jobs. I enjoy her company and we have a lot in common, but when we go on outings together, she expects me to drive and pay for her drinks and food if she doesn't have enough money. She doesn't own a credit card.

I'm starting to feel resentful and like I'm being taken advantage of. She thanks me sometimes, but I think she feels that because I am financially comfortable and she isn't, I should be a good friend and help her out. I really want to discuss the situation with her, but I am afraid of coming across as stingy and uncaring. What are your thoughts? -- USED IN ALABAMA

DEAR USED: I have to take issue with your signature. You are not being used; you have been allowing yourself to be used. It would be neither stingy nor uncaring to ask before making a date to go out together whether she has the money to pay her way. If the answer is no, suggest doing something that doesn't involve money or that's within her budget -- unless you want to treat her. But treating her should not be expected, any more than any other gift would be.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, I kindly and lovingly gave my daughter some feedback on how she berates her husband in front of my 8-year-old grandson. I told her I didn't want him to grow up thinking that's how we treat the people we love. To make a long story short, she said that if I wanted to estrange myself from her, I had succeeded. I remained calm and loving and told her she could use the feedback if it was helpful, or ignore it if it wasn't. She has now blocked me!

My daughter has had no compunction over the years about informing me about my shortcomings, but went into a rage when I spoke about her behavior. Although it breaks my heart that my daughter has cut me out of her life, my real concern is losing contact with my grandson. Fortunately, my son-in-law is still relaying messages to him, but what about when I want to visit my grandson? I have always stayed with my daughter and her family. -- HEARTBROKEN IN ANOTHER STATE

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: You may have hit the nail on the head, but you must have also struck a nerve for your daughter to have reacted so strongly. Staying with her may be off the table until she cools off, but visits with your grandson may still be possible if her husband can arrange it. Not knowing your son-in-law, I can only guess that it may be just a matter of time until he tires of your daughter's verbal abuse and exits the marriage, but if they separate, it may make access to your grandchild easier for you.

DEAR ABBY: Several of us lady friends get together periodically over coffee to catch up. We haven't seen each other since the pandemic began, but I'm thinking of inviting them to my backyard for a socially distanced get-together.

One of them is very political and dominates the conversation with her opinions and observations. Because of it, I'm considering not including her. I don't want to cause hard feelings, but I don't know what to do -- not have the gathering, lay out ground rules or put up with her political spewing? Your thoughts would be appreciated. -- MISSING MY FRIENDS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MISSING: Deal with it by leaving the choice of whether to attend up to this amateur pundit. Keep it alcohol-free and explain that you want the conversation to be "light" and strictly social, which is why you do not want the subject of politics to be mentioned. At all. It will then be up to her to decide which is more important: her soapbox or some much-needed relaxing conversation.

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear late mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

Have a safe, happy and socially distanced celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I moved to town not long before the pandemic and don't have many close friends here. One of my best friends is a co-worker, "Ronna," whom I love dearly.

Ronna has had an extremely rough past, including an extensive history of parental abuse that has left her thin-skinned and suspicious of authority figures. Because of this, she's constantly butting heads with our management team and confronting them about perceived slights.

While some of the points she makes are reasonable, many are taken too personally or blown way out of proportion, and she tends to act very dramatic/livid about it. I'm looking to move up in the company, and I'm torn between loyalty to my friend and the need to remain on good terms with our higher-ups. I'm also worried that my friendliness with management will lead to Ronna resenting or distrusting me. How can I safely navigate? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN COLORADO

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Do not involve yourself in Ronna's problems on the job. If you do, they will spill over onto you. Maintain your personal relationship with her away from the office, while networking and trying to widen your circle of friends.

From what you have written, I doubt that Ronna will be working for your employer much longer. Workers who react in a "very dramatic/livid" manner are usually laid off because their behavior is unprofessional and disruptive.

DEAR ABBY: I am having problems with my baby dad helping me with our 2-year-old daughter. I don't like the idea of putting him on child support. I have tried counseling with him. In addition to asking him to step up, I have tried giving him lists of what our daughter needs, and he still isn't helping. Instead he's asking me to help with his bills.

I don't know what to do. I really don't want to go after child support since he now has two jobs. I need his help, but I don't know how to get him to contribute. Any ideas? -- STRUGGLING MOM IN OHIO

DEAR MOM: You have tried asking, you have tried counseling. The only option left to convince him to step up to the plate and fulfill his obligations as a father is to contact Child Support Services and ask for help.

P.S. You absolutely should NOT pay his bills!

DEAR ABBY: I have been asked by a close friend to officiate at his wedding. I'm honored to have been asked, and it would be easy for me to get the credentials, but I am not comfortable doing it for personal reasons. I know it's his special day, and he really wants me to do it. How can I politely decline without hurting our friendship? I don't know how to word my refusal. -- NOT FOR ME

DEAR NOT: Be honest to the degree that you can be without causing hurt feelings. Explain that you are honored to have been asked to officiate (which is true), but would not be comfortable in that role (also true). Then deflect by offering to support your friend in some other way on his special day.