DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law "Brenda" often takes it upon herself to change a baby's diaper during social gatherings with family. She never bothers to ask the baby's parents if it's OK to do this, and they never solicit her help. For years, I found it a bit strange, but never said anything to Brenda or another family member.

Some time ago, my in-laws and immediate family were at my son's baptismal party. Several babies from my wife's side as well as my own were there. My wife's relatives aren't well-acquainted with mine. Before our wedding, neither of our families had ever met the other.

During the festivities, my wife's niece -- who was still in diapers -- appeared to have a full load in her back side. Her parents were in another room. Without informing them of the issue or asking permission, Brenda took it upon herself to change the diaper. The child's mother walked into the room and began to loudly scold Brenda for doing it without her consent. You could see the mother was upset and scared, since she did not know Brenda at all.

After the party ended, my family couldn't understand why the child's mother became so upset. They thought she was some kind of nut for reacting the way she did. I fully understand why the mother became upset. Given the fact that she doesn't know Brenda, and that one must clean the baby's private parts when changing a diaper, I don't understand why Brenda would take this upon herself. What's your opinion, Abby? -- STRANGE IN THE EAST

DEAR STRANGE: What your sister-in-law did may have been fine with her own family, but for her to have changed the diaper of a child whose parents she didn't know well (and from whom she didn't have permission!) was inappropriate. I don't fault the mother for being upset. Rather than blame her for reacting the way she did, it's time someone explains boundaries to Miss Brenda.

DEAR ABBY: Being bored due to the quarantine, I signed up to Classmates.com to look for old friends. Moments later I received a response from a male classmate. We graduated the same year. I really don't remember him, although he said he remembered me. Anyway, we started texting and exchanging graduation pictures. He still lives in our hometown; I don't. We have started talking almost every day.

My problem is, we have so many things in common, from family to same make of car and insurance company, I have started getting a creepy feeling. It freaked me out to the point that I blocked him.

He was always respectful, but for us to have so much in common made my stomach lurch. Do you think this is possible? Or is there a chance he could be stalking me? -- FREAKED OUT

DEAR FREAKED: It could be coincidental that you have so much in common, but I would never advise anyone who had a gut feeling that something wasn't right to ignore it. Listen to your intuition and you will never go wrong.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 22-year-old woman who was adopted. I recently started dating an amazing man who happens to be of another race. My parents, whom I love very much, told me that if I stay with him, they will disown me. They have made many horrible comments about my relationship, and I'm at a loss about what to do. I love them, but I also love my boyfriend. Please give me advice. What should I do? -- HOPELESS IN INDIANA

DEAR HOPELESS: You need to figure out which is more important to you, the hope for a future with this amazing man who is new in your life, or your relationship with your parents. It's a tough choice to make, and there are variables to consider. Are you OK with your parents dictating who you can date in terms of race? Is this person as serious as you are about this new relationship? Are you financially and emotionally independent?

Start by making a list of the pros and the cons. Once you are finished, understanding that neither choice will be pain free, you may have a clearer idea of what your decision must be.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years still desires me. I know he has been faithful. He's a wonderful father, has plenty of friends, a warm sense of humor and even in tough times has always managed to be a good provider. We have never wanted for anything.

He is in decent shape for his age, and some women have commented that he is handsome. Yet I recoil at his advances or pretend to be asleep. I feel like I owe him sex since it's part of marriage, and then I resent him because I feel I am letting him down. -- NO DESIRE DOWN SOUTH

DEAR NO DESIRE: You need to figure out whether your negative reaction to your husband's advances is emotional or physical. Have you always felt this way, or is it (relatively) recent?

Hormonal changes as women age can be a reason for lack of libido, and if that's what's causing your problem, it is something you should talk about with your gynecologist because it may be fixable. Start there, because you owe this both to yourself and your husband.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I decided to live together. Although I knew at the time that his cousin and two younger people lived in the house with him, he promised to make sure there was room for me and my 13-year-old son, who has Asperger's. However, things are tense in the house because someone is stealing my things, and no one will admit it. There is also constant fighting about how I should raise my son because everyone in the house has an opinion and wants to be his boss.

I am at my wits' end. I love my fiance, but I can't take much more of the anxiety they put me through. What should I do? -- TORN IN TENNESSEE

DEAR TORN: Have a frank conversation with your fiance about the fact that this living situation isn't working out for you. The two of you should then discuss options. The most obvious would be that some folks need to make other living arrangements -- either you and your son, or the cousin and the two younger people. This doesn't necessarily mean the engagement has to be broken, but things cannot continue as they are.

DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law "Kirk" has issues with closing doors, kitchen cabinets and refrigerator doors. Three times my daughter has had to throw out food because it spoiled. He doesn't close cereal boxes, bags of candy or chips, either.

My husband and I tolerated Kirk's behavior until a recent visit to our home. He again left the door to our garage open, where our inside cat could have escaped. He was rough when opening our recliner, and he also didn't turn the cap all the way down on the seltzer bottle, but I know better than to shake the bottle before checking the cap because I once spilled orange juice everywhere after he failed to tighten the cap.

My daughter says she has known Kirk for 15 years, and he isn't going to change. She says he doesn't focus on the task at hand but is thinking about something else. I suppose she has given up and continually goes behind him to fasten things.

My husband and I feel he doesn't respect our home when he behaves this way. After my daughter spoke to Kirk after his last visit, she has brought our granddaughter over twice, but he stayed home. I feel like both of them think we are making much ado about nothing. -- OPEN-AND-SHUT CASE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR OPEN-AND-SHUT: Has your daughter or son-in-law actually said that to you? You were not wrong to speak up, and it's not much ado about nothing. It is consideration for the property of others. You should have drawn the line after the first time your immature and inconsiderate son-in-law left the garage door open. (Was he stoned during those visits? Distracted by his cellphone?) Address the matter directly with your son-in-law, and consider seeing them at their house instead of yours.

DEAR ABBY: My mom insists on giving my oldest child, "Jim," less money than the other grandchildren because he's my stepson. Jim is 19, and I am the only mother he has ever known since he was 2 1/2. I'm still married to his father, and Jim is part of the family.

I realized what she was doing only last Christmas, when she gave Jimmy $100 and the other 12 grandkids $500 each. (This included my two younger children.) When I asked her why, she couldn't give me a straight answer. I have always regarded Jim as my own and thought she felt the same way. Now I'm no longer sure she's going to leave him an inheritance when she's gone, and I feel crummy about the entire situation. -- LOST IN THE SOUTH

DEAR LOST: I don't blame you for feeling crummy because this is a sad situation. Unfortunately, in some -- not all -- families this happens. Bear in mind the money your mother is gifting is hers to do with as she wishes, and there is nothing you can do to force her to behave more charitably toward Jim. However, you and your husband might consider equalizing it in your own estate plans when the time comes. Have the two of you already talked with an attorney about wills, advance directives, etc.? If you haven't, now may be the time to discuss the subject.