DEAR ABBY: I am thinking about asking my stepdaughter "Gwen" (37 years old with a husband and three kids) if she would like me to adopt her. I married her mother when Gwen was 2. We divorced when she was 8 or 9, so we were out of contact for about 25 years.

Gwen really dislikes her father. Her mother and I have patched things up, so much so that we've been on a couple of vacations together. Gwen has been along on both.

We have a special bond that goes back to the first time I met her. She was a terror, and her mother, grandmother and the rest of the family had basically given up on her. But we clicked. I was patient with her, and we became close. When we were together a few weeks ago on vacation, she asked if I wanted to come to Colorado, which is halfway across the country from where I live, for her daughter's 3rd birthday party. I'm going.

I love her dearly and always have. I missed her terribly during the years her mother and I barely communicated. I was able to see my kids, but not her. Now I feel that closeness again, and I want to officially adopt her as I should have back when she was 2. What do you think, Abby? -- LOVING HER IN LOUISIANA

DEAR LOVING HER: Do not make such an important decision on impulse. Be prudent and let this renewed relationship with your ex and her daughter play out a while longer before making any decisions. Then, if you still feel the same, talk to your ex about what you have in mind. If she reacts positively, discuss it with Gwen. But I urge you to use caution because your ex may consider herself and her daughter to be a package deal and expect you to "adopt" her, too. It goes without saying that this should be discussed with your lawyer because the fact that Gwen still has a father may complicate matters.

DEAR ABBY: The sisters in my family are very close. Today we live independently and alone in different cities. After we retire, three of the four of us plan to live together in a new location. Our dilemma: The fourth sister marches to a different drummer.

Our lifestyles are very different -- completely opposite, in fact. We love her and enjoy being with her at family gatherings and doing things together. Yet we feel strongly that because she has little initiative and a "dependent" personality, she shouldn't live with us, so we haven't included her in our plans.

We know the news will upset her, and we don't want to cause hurt feelings, but we feel strongly about this. We have tried to figure out how we could make it work, but always end up knowing it won't. The only option we can think of would be that she could move to wherever we are and find a place of her own, but we're not sure she has the means to make it happen. Can you help us figure out the most compassionate way to share the news with her? -- FORWARD THINKING

DEAR FORWARD THINKING: The most compassionate way to venture into this minefield would be to ask your sister what her plans are once she retires. If she says she plans to live with you, she should be told it won't happen and why, so she can make other arrangements for herself. While the conversation may not be pleasant, it is necessary, and it should take place sooner rather than later.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25 and live with my parents. My 28-year-old sister lives in a condo about 10 minutes away. She just graduated from school and moved back here, which means she doesn't have many friends in the city.

For the last five months, she has been coming over for dinner like clockwork every day and every weekend. I'm still finding ways to be social during quarantine, but my sister doesn't seem able to find other means to meet people. Seeing this much of her is, well, too much.

She demands attention, practically forces us to entertain her and gets upset when the dinner my parents are cooking doesn't meet her specifications. At her age, spending this much time with your parents seems, quite frankly, unhealthy. I'm scared to bring it up because she's hypersensitive. How do I avoid another several months of lockdown with a person who doesn't even live with me? -- OVERWHELMED IN OREGON

DEAR OVERWHELMED: This isn't a subject you should address with your sister, but is something to discuss privately with your parents. Whether to draw the line and encourage your sister to become less dependent is something they might want to consider.

When her company becomes more than you can handle, excuse yourself, go to your room and avail yourself of your other ways to be social by firing up your computer and visiting with friends. It would also be a kindness for you to suggest ways she, too, can network with people in her field or who have some common interests.

DEAR ABBY: I want to donate to organizations that do good work. My question is, where can I find out which charities put all of the donations toward their cause rather than to staff and fundraising? I read years ago that a well-known charity paid an exorbitant salary to the person in charge, who was already wealthy. -- GIVING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR GIVING: Go online and search Charity Navigator. It's the largest evaluator of charities in the United States and provides reliable data on more than 1.8 million charities and nonprofits. Many people use it to gauge how their contributions will be spent before they donate, and sometimes that information is a real eye-opener.

DEAR ABBY: I grew up in an extremely conservative, rural area of northeast Mississippi in the '60s. I came out as gay to my mom when I was 13 in 1970, and she said three things to me that set the course for a lifetime of love. As she hugged me, she said, "I will always love you, no matter what." Then, looking me straight in the eye, she thanked me for my honesty before again pulling me into her arms and whispering, "I've known since you were a small boy."

I was overwhelmed by her acceptance, not to mention her validating words, and we wept together. Our relationship became so much closer and stronger. I never missed calling her every day of her life. We shared our ups and downs, our dreams, failures and successes. Most of all, we laughed -- a lot.

We traveled together nationally and internationally. And when she became ill, I returned to the small town where I grew up and looked after her until her death at 87. We had a wonderful final six years together.

My mother was obviously before her time. I'm sure many coming-out stories don't end this well, especially in Mississippi during the '60s (or today, for that matter). But it does go to show how well it can be handled and the benefits of handling it properly. Just wanted to share, Abby. -- OUT AND PROUD IN LOUISIANA

DEAR OUT AND PROUD: Thank you for your heartwarming letter, which I am printing today, National Coming Out Day. It brought to mind a letter I published in 2007 from a woman who, to her regret, was very late to accept her gay son. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I raised two sons and two daughters. One son and both daughters married well. Our other son, "Neil," is gay. He and his partner, "Ron," have been together 15 years, but Neil's father and I never wanted to know Ron because we disapproved of their lifestyle.

I was 74 when my husband died, leaving me in ill health and nearly penniless. No longer able to live alone, I asked my married son and two daughters if I could "visit" each of them for four months a year. (I didn't want to burden any one family and thought living out of a suitcase would be best for everyone.) All three of them turned me down! Feeling unwanted, I wanted to die.

When Neil and Ron heard what had happened, they invited me to move across the country and live with them. They welcomed me into their home and even removed a wall between two rooms so I'd have a bedroom with a private bath and sitting room -- although we spend most of our time together.

They also include me in many of their plans. Since I moved in with them, I have traveled more than I have my whole life and seen places I only read about in books. They never mention the fact that they are supporting me, or that I ignored them in the past.

When old friends ask how it feels living with my gay son, I tell them I hope they're lucky enough to have one who will take them in one day. Please continue urging your readers to accept their children as they are. My only regret is that I wasted 15 years. -- GRATEFUL MOM

DEAR GRATEFUL MOM: You are indeed fortunate to have such a loving, generous and forgiving son. Thank you for pointing out how important it is that people respect one another for who they are, not for what we would like them to be. Sexual orientation is not a measure of anyone's humanity or worth.

You could have learned that lesson long ago had you and your husband contacted PFLAG when you first learned that Neil was gay. Among other things, the organization offers support groups and education for parents who need to learn more about LGBTQ issues. It can be contacted by going to pflag.org.