DEAR ABBY: For the past eight years, my son has been seeing "Tanya" and, according to him, she spends a lot. I'm concerned about it.

Because of the pandemic, Tanya got furloughed from her employer. She lives in an apartment but has all deliveries sent to OUR home address. Since the pandemic, we are receiving many more packages for her every day from online stores. Our son has mentioned to us that she has huge credit card bills. I'm worried if these two get more serious (marriage), it will cause problems in the future.

I'm tempted to say something to Tanya about the sudden increase in deliveries. Or should I keep quiet? We tell our son, but he always has no comment. Some days it's like Christmas Day for packages. -- PERPLEXED DAD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DAD: Your son and Tanya are adults. If anyone addresses her spending, it should be your son. I don't advise saying anything to Tanya because it's sure to be resented and could possibly cause a rift between you and your son. Talk to him one more time and explain your concern that his girlfriend is showing symptoms of being a spendaholic. But after that, drop it because the problem will be his, not yours, to solve.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a man living in a small town, and I frequent a local cafe for breakfast. The waitress who serves me each morning, "Rita," does a terrific job, and all of my needs are met. In turn, I leave her a generous tip.

Abby, despite exchanging small talk during coffee refills, Rita snubs me when our paths cross outside the diner. She will look directly at me, turn her head and offer no greeting.

I'm not seeking a relationship with her. In the cafe, I always sit alone and enjoy reading my newspaper while I eat my breakfast and drink my coffee. It just bothers me that she won't offer a simple, civil greeting outside the diner. Would I be justified in reducing the amount of the tip because of her behavior? -- PUZZLED PATRON IN INDIANA

DEAR PATRON: Have you tried speaking up and saying hello to her? I don't know Rita. She may be unfriendly or prefer to draw a firm line between her professional life and her personal one. You stated that you tip her generously because of the terrific service she gives you. If that's true, I don't think she should be punished for keeping her distance when she's not at the restaurant.

DEAR ABBY: My husband plays a video golf game most of the time while we watch TV together. If I ask him an occasional question or want to show him something, he says I am interrupting him and I need to wait until he takes his golf shot.

It's very frustrating to always be put on hold when we are together. I think communication is more important than a game. I'm tired of always having to wait, so I just say, "Never mind." Any suggestions? -- OUT OF THE GAME

DEAR OUT: Just saying "never mind" doesn't get your message across. The next time it happens, tell your husband how you feel about coming in second place behind his toy, because you don't "interrupt" often and you are more important than his video golf game.

DEAR ABBY: My mother, who is 80 years old, hums her own made-up tunes. She has done it for as long as I can remember, but for the last few years, the frequency and intensity has increased. She does wear a hearing aid in one ear and sees her audiologist regularly. I have asked others, who say people with hearing problems often hum to fill the empty space caused by the hearing loss.

My problem is that her constant humming is so annoying it is negatively affecting my relationship with her. I have treaded lightly on the subject with her to be sure she's aware that others can hear her, in case she was thinking they couldn't.

Mom said that once someone asked her if she was talking to herself, and she replied that she was singing to herself. My personal opinion is that it may be a soothing mechanism for her when she feels awkward during a conversation. She may feel that her humming replaces talking yet makes her feel included in the conversation.

I don't want to cause hurt feelings or add to her discomfort. She's shy by nature, but has come a long way in her confidence. Advice? -- TUNING OUT IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TUNING OUT: The first thing you should do is ask your mother to tune the humming down because it bothers you. If she doesn't, then discuss it with her audiologist. If you don't get the answers you need there, consult her physician. What she's doing may be common -- or not. But you need to get your questions answered by someone who knows your mother and is close enough to evaluate her.

DEAR ABBY: I tried to help out a friend who had damage to her truck. I took it upon myself without her knowledge to take pictures of her damaged truck. I thought it would help her in getting estimates on her vehicle.

Her truck was parked outside her son's residence, and he came out immediately when he saw me from his window. I didn't explain what I had done for reasons I would rather not say, but I planned to tell my co-worker at a later date. When I saw her at work the next day, she was furious about what I had done, and it almost destroyed our friendship.

Was I wrong in doing her a favor, or out-of-line? Was it inappropriate? I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship; I was only trying to help. Any suggestions? -- CONCERNED IN TEXAS

DEAR CONCERNED: I'm trying to understand why you didn't volunteer to photograph the damage to your co-worker's truck so she could get estimates on the cost of repairs. I am also in the dark about why you wouldn't explain what you were doing when her son came outside and, I assume, asked what you were doing. Transparency would have been better than secrecy, and I hope you will carry this suggestion into the future.

DEAR ABBY: May I share four words that planted a positive seed in my heart? They are, "Make Gratitude Your Attitude." They are strong medicine I use in coping with my disabilities, and it works. -- HINT FROM HILO, HAWAII

DEAR HINT: Thank you for wanting to share your "strong medicine." I agree it's hard to think negatively while counting our blessings.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for 12 years. He retired from the Army before I met him, and I currently serve, stationed overseas.

When we first met, I thought we had an understanding that because he didn't have to work, he would follow me and my three children wherever the military takes us. He doesn't like to get "tied down," and I don't do too well with long-distance relationships. He developed a love for golf, which takes him touring all over the world.

Now that it's just the two of us and the children are grown, I thought we would never be apart. Well, we've been apart for the four years that I've been stationed away from him, and I am tired of it. He's a good man but set in his ways. I have another 10 years before I retire, and I don't want to waste the best years of my life being lonely.

We haven't slept together in seven months, and even when he visits, we are not on the same emotional level. I plan to divorce him, which I have alluded to twice before, and now is my chance to follow through. Should I? -- SERIOUSLY DEBATING

DEAR DEBATING: Because you are unwilling to accept the way your husband is, and he is unwilling to spend time working on your marriage, you should follow through. Contact an attorney and get the process started.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I recently found out that we are expecting our second "oops" baby. We are thrilled, but I'm deeply concerned about one thing. My husband's brother and his wife are a few weeks away from completing their first round of IVF. I'm beside myself trying to think of ways to be as sensitive as possible.

My husband says that, as both of these circumstances are beyond human control, there's no need to worry, and we can reasonably expect everyone to be adult and understanding. But I understand the emotional toll taken by infertility is incredible, and I'm worried she'll feel overlooked, or, worse, if the IVF isn't successful, that she'll regard our baby as a constant reminder. Please help! -- UNEXPECTED IN TEXAS

DEAR UNEXPECTED: I applaud your appreciation of the emotional toll infertility can take on couples, which can be devastating. However, if your sister-in-law's IVF is unsuccessful and you make your grand announcement afterward, the news will be doubly painful for her. This is why I vote for telling her quietly -- before she receives the results -- so she will be prepared regardless of what they are.

DEAR ABBY: I have had two partners now who, almost every morning, would regale me for 10 minutes about their nightly dreams. It drove me up the wall, but I didn't want to hurt their feelings, so I sat and listened to their boring stories about flying or falling or my doing something bad. Would you please inform your readers that their dreams are their own and they do not interest other people? -- DREAM-FREE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR DREAM-FREE: I have a better idea. YOU tell your future partners you would rather not hear about their dreams when they start regaling you. That way they won't miss the message if they happen to skip my column today.