DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have begun planning our wedding for next year. We have both been married before, so family doesn't think we should have a "big" celebration. Mom actually told me that it can't be as special as my first one.
While lying in bed the other night, we were discussing how to address people's opinions because we don't want our wedding day to be full of people complaining about being there, choices we made regarding our celebration and thinking they need to give us a gift. We would like to include a "disclaimer" saying something like, "If you're not truly happy for us, stay home!" I realize that etiquette would not allow us to do it. Do you have any suggestions for our situation? -- OUR "BIG DAY"
DEAR "BIG DAY": Many couples today have been married more than once. Your mother was correct when she told you this second wedding should be more low-key than the first. Rest assured that no one will attend your wedding who doesn't want to be there because attendance is not compulsory.
I'm glad you recognize that the "disclaimer" would be inappropriate. If you prefer your guests forgo giving you a gift, convey that by having someone else deliver it verbally -- such as your mother or members of your wedding party -- when guests call to ask where you are registered. The wording should be: "They only want you to share in their happiness on this special day. No gift is expected or required."