life

Upcoming Move Prompts Best Friend To Reveal True Feelings

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 8th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been in love with my best friend for two years. We met at a summer camp where we were both working, and we hated each other in the beginning. During the process of working together, we somehow became best friends, and I fell desperately in love with him.

We talk on the phone for hours and text each other daily. He knows everything about me to the point that I swear he knows me better than I know myself. We hang out in groups mostly. We rarely spend time alone. When we are together, our chemistry is undeniable. We constantly laugh, touch, tease, etc. Everyone around us sees our connection, and they're confused when we say we're not dating.

I kind of expressed my feelings to him about a year ago, but he said he wasn't ready to date anyone. Since then, we have grown closer, and our relationship is more unclear. His actions lead me to believe that he feels the way I do and regards me as more than a friend, but he won't make a move or tell me his feelings.

The hard part about this is, I'm moving in five months. Our time together is coming to an end, but I haven't told him how I feel because I don't want his affection or our frequent communication to stop. Do I tell him my feelings again and risk being rejected? Or should I just tell him I am moving and see if he admits his true feelings for me? -- DEEP IN THE HEARTBREAK OF TEXAS

DEAR DEEP: Obviously, this person cares for you to some degree. Tell him how you feel face-to-face while you still can. That you care so much for him is a compliment. However, if he still doesn't feel as strongly for you as you hope, once you move, I hope you will regard it as an opportunity to meet new people and form new relationships until you find a special someone who reciprocates your feelings. Trust me, he IS out there.

Friends & NeighborsLove & Dating
life

Proud Mom Enjoys Close Relationships With Her Children

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 8th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have read so many letters in your column about families who have all sorts of problems with their children, husband or wife, in-laws, parents and other family members. They make me wonder how in the world I got so lucky.

My husband and I raised four children -- two girls, two boys -- and they could not be more of a blessing. We text each other every morning, and I text a daughter in Hawaii at night to let her know I'm OK. They call, they send cards, they send flowers. One son sent them to me for several years on his birthday, with a card saying, "Thank you for having me."

My heart aches for parents who don't have what I have. I can only hope they will find some peace later. And to my four children: Thank you for the happiness you have brought me over the years. -- GEORGIA MOM

DEAR GEORGIA MOM: Problems are the basis of my column. There are many functional, happy families, but few of them take the time to write and share that.

Clearly, you are a great parent, and for that you deserve congratulations. However, there is an element of luck in parenting, and I have heard from parents who devoted themselves to giving all they could to their children, and their children did not turn out to be as loving, generous and appreciative as yours. I agree that your family is fortunate to recognize their blessings, chief among them each other.

Holidays & CelebrationsFamily & Parenting
life

Guilt Remains 40 Years After Job Reference Was Withheld

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 7th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: About 40 years ago, I did someone an injustice, and I have felt guilty ever since. I worked for a consulting firm in Washington, D.C., that fired an accounting clerk who was in my small office. I didn't know why she was fired, and I never heard a cross word exchanged between her and her supervisor. She seemed to be capable and friendly.

A prospective employer called me for a reference, and because my company told me that it did not respond to requests for references, I didn't give her one. Ever since, I have wished I had shared what I knew about her. If I was allowed a do-over, I would have told the employer about my positive experience with her and my belief that she was capable and friendly. Her being Black and not having my reference may have increased her difficulty in finding a job. I am sharing this with your readers so they may avoid making a similar mistake. -- GUILT-RIDDEN IN TEXAS

DEAR GUILT-RIDDEN: Some companies, on the advice of their legal counsel, strictly adhere to a policy of disclosing only dates of hire and discharge of employees. This has nothing to do with race or ethnicity. It was not a mistake to do as your employers instructed, and you should not feel guilty for having done so.

Etiquette & EthicsWork & School
life

Daughter Is Dismayed by Dad's Lack of Concern

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 7th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My heart is heavy as I write this. Since the pandemic started, my father-in-law has called us every couple of weeks to ask if we are safe and OK. I have heard nothing from my own father.

I finally called him, mentioning that I thought he would call to check on us. His response was, "I'm the adult; you should be checking on me." (I have two grown children and two grandchildren, so I was taken aback by the thought that I was not an "adult.") I mentioned that because he is not in a nursing home, in jail or has to go to work, I figured he was much safer than my husband and me, who still must go out to work every day and be in contact with hundreds of people.

I feel like my father doesn't care about us like my father-in-law does. What do you think? -- DISAPPOINTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: I agree that your father doesn't care about you the same way your father-in-law does. He appears to be so centered upon himself that there's little room to worry about his "children's" welfare.

What do I think? I think that if you love your father, you should give him an occasional call, but when you do, expect nothing in return. And you should thank your lucky stars you have a darling father-in-law who takes up the slack.

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Introvert Is Drowned Out by Extrovert Friends

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 7th, 2020 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have two close, dear friends. They're my inner circle. Both are extroverts and quite talkative. I'm an introvert and quieter. My problem is, I can't get a word in edgewise when we're together. I'm not sure how to tactfully address this subject with them. Any ideas? -- INTROVERT IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR INTROVERT: Yes. Speak up and say exactly what you told me -- "Hey, folks, I can't get a word in edgewise!" If you say it with a smile, it shouldn't be regarded as insulting because it's the truth.

Friends & Neighbors
life

Favorite Son's Jabs at Brother's Wife Causing Family Friction

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 6th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I married "Darius" two years ago. I have had problems with my brother-in-law ever since Darius and I first began dating five years ago.

From my husband's perspective, his parents have always favored his younger brother, "Adonis." "Anything goes" is their attitude where he is concerned. Adonis takes things without asking, lies and constantly makes disrespectful comments toward us. He was never reprimanded as a child, and now he's an adult (24), the sniping continues.

A few months ago, he showed up unannounced at my home and insulted a guest who was visiting at the time. (She also doesn't care for him.) I asked him to leave to avoid making waves with her.

I think Adonis owes me an apology, but he refuses to give me a sincere one. My father-in-law thinks I should just "get over it" and says I am being ridiculous because I no longer want to attend family events if Adonis is present. Mostly the reason is I no longer want to tolerate his behavior while he's drinking and making constant "jokes" about me.

I feel bad for my husband because we have missed out on seeing family members and enjoying ourselves at events because I don't want to create a scene. Darius supports the way I feel, but says he can't demand an apology from his brother. I feel if I back down now, Adonis' behavior will continue for the rest of my life. I don't think I should be treated this way. How should I resolve this issue? -- FAMILY PROBLEM IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR FAMILY PROBLEM: I'm glad you wrote. Adonis is getting away with this because your in-laws are enabling it. Your husband should straighten his spine and inform his "little" brother he drinks too much, and he wants the sniping stopped. Your father-in-law is a mile off base. It isn't ridiculous to want to avoid verbal abuse from a drunk, and he, too, should have a talk with Adonis. Until that happens, you are right to keep your distance. Nobody likes pain, and your brother-in-law appears unwilling to stop being a large one in a southern portion of your anatomy.

Family & Parenting
life

Plans to Start a Family Are Put on Hold

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 6th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 32-year-old woman, engaged to a wonderful man. We were supposed to start trying to get pregnant, but because of the virus, we decided to put it off. I know we are making the right choice.

I had already started a journal/planner and was so excited. But now I feel myself slipping into depression. We are both lucky enough to still be working, so I'm not just sitting around dwelling on it. But when I canceled my prenatal vitamin subscription the other day, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I know we are lucky to not have bigger woes than this right now, but I'm heartbroken. Any advice would be appreciated. -- HOLDING OFF ON MOTHERHOOD

DEAR HOLDING OFF: I am sorry for your heartache. I know this is painful. It's important that you not hold these sad feelings inside. Talk with your fiance about them and share with close friends and family. Pour your feelings into the journal you started.

Your road to motherhood may be longer than you initially thought, but it's going to be an interesting journey. I hope you will take comfort in the knowledge that postponing your pregnancy was a decision you and your fiance made for the right reasons and didn't take lightly.

Family & ParentingMental Health

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Talking to Strangers
  • Up North With Mom and Dad
  • Circumstantial Evidence
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Father's Ex-Mistress Is Back in Town
  • Odd Family Dynamic Causes Fiancée to Question Marriage Plans
  • LW Feels Pressured by Parents to Stay Put in Disliked Job
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal