DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married five months. Her 40-year-old son lives in our basement. He has a job, but I have no idea if he pays rent. If he doesn't, it really doesn't bother me.

What does bother me is that at his age, he should be out on his own by now. He's trying to pay off school loans, which I understand. However, he is the one who incurred these bills. All he had to do was finish his dissertation and he would have had his doctorate. Instead, he quit school and doesn't plan on going back.

My wife doesn't think she's an enabler, but I disagree. It's getting very hard for me to put up with this situation. -- UPSET IN COLORADO

DEAR UPSET: Much depends upon the reason your wife's son quit school instead of getting that doctorate. I wish you had mentioned whether he has been living in his mother's house since childhood, or if this is something relatively recent. He may have emotional or mental health issues that need addressing.

Because this is creating friction in your marriage, it may be something you and your wife should talk through with the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I am 30 years old and single. I met this guy while I was working downtown three or four months ago. He is almost twice my age. At first I didn't think of him as more than just a customer, but he's very attractive for his age.

One day last month he told me he had lost his phone during my shift, so I asked him to give me his number so I could call him in case somebody found his phone, which I did. Later that night he called me asking, "Who is this?" so I told him who I was. We have been talking ever since and I have been spending every weekend at his house.

I'm starting to think I can see a future with this guy because I feel butterflies in my stomach. I like how things are between us. I care about him and maybe want more one day. What should I do? -- LIKING AN OLDER MAN

DEAR LIKING: What you should do is continue exploring a relationship and find out if he feels the same way you do. But the two of you should take things slowly and discuss the age difference before making any commitments. Although his age isn't necessarily a deal-breaker, it is significant.

DEAR ABBY: Am I hoping for too much with my husband of 40-plus years? In the evening, we (or I) watch TV, and he's very agreeable to "watch" anything -- mostly because he hardly watches at all. He's playing games on his iPad and glancing at the TV. He'll ask questions occasionally about the characters or the plotlines, but it's obvious he's not following. For some reason, I find it disappointing that he's not really watching, even if it's something he's shown an interest in or selected. Should I just be grateful he's in the same room with me and alive? -- FEELING SOLO IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FEELING SOLO: Focusing on gratitude that you are together doing things you both enjoy is healthy. If you don't care for the program he isn't watching, feel free to change the channel to something you prefer. However, the two of you should make a point of doing something together in which you are both fully engaged because if you do, it will bring you even closer to each other.

DEAR ABBY: I am 19 and have been kicked out of my house. I'm grateful for everything my parents have done for me. My dad continues to compare me to my older siblings, although I'm the exact opposite of them. They are not going to college, they barely graduated from high school and continue to abuse alcohol and drugs.

I'm in college earning almost all A's. I graduated from high school with flying colors and have a steady job. I provide for myself (food, gas, buying anything I need) and pay for car insurance. I have tried my hardest to be the best daughter and a good influence for my younger siblings.

I have asked my father multiple times during the last year to stop comparing me to my older siblings. He hasn't. Our last conversation was a few weeks ago, when he told me to pack my stuff and get out of the house because I was an "ungrateful daughter" and "hoeing around just like my older siblings."

I have been focusing on my education and can't understand how he came to that conclusion. Frankly, I was very hurt he thought that of me. I'm not my siblings; I am myself, and I'm doing the best I can to give myself a successful future. My father refuses to see that. What should I do? -- BEWILDERED DAUGHTER IN TEXAS

DEAR DAUGHTER: I don't know what's wrong with your father, but something is. You appear to be mature and responsible and doing your best to lay the foundation for a successful future. I applaud you for it.

If it's possible for you to live elsewhere, perhaps with other relatives, and avoid your father's uncalled-for verbal abuse, it might be healthier for you. Do not expect him to be pleased about it, because no matter how hard you try, you may never be able to please him, so be prepared.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for three years. The one issue we argue about is religion. I am a Catholic and he's from another Christian denomination. I respect all religions and am open-minded.

However, after going to his church three times, I didn't like it at all. They have many strict rules which, if not obeyed, will result in a person being shunned. What kind of church does that? They compare Catholics to themselves and say everything Catholics do is wrong according to the Bible. I have never felt so unwelcome in my life.

My boyfriend's parents want me to convert, but I don't want to. Because of this, his relationship with his parents is being affected. He plans to quit his church and become an atheist. I don't know how to feel about this. It would be hard to convince him to join my church. We have had many fights over this, and I wonder if we should just break up. That way we wouldn't have to discuss who is converting or where we are going to marry. Please give me some advice. -- STRESSED IN THE ISLANDS

DEAR STRESSED: Considering the stance your boyfriend's family's religion has on marrying out of the faith, I'm surprised your relationship has made it this far. Fighting benefits neither of you. Talking about this calmly and rationally might bring you closer.

If he quits his church, his family and friends will make every effort to isolate and punish him. He may have to completely rebuild his social relationships. If he has any sort of religious inclination, rather than him overreacting by "becoming an (instant) atheist," the two of you might like to explore finding a denomination together that fills your needs. But be prepared for pushback because his parents (and possibly yours) are not going to like it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I married two years ago. A year later we welcomed our first child. I never imagined I would ever want a divorce. Well, I found out early this year that my husband has a fetish/fantasy about bigger women. (He actually said it.) He is a "feeder." He has purchased books related to these things and watches videos and reads stories about it while sitting next to me on the couch! It turns him on. He has asked me to consider gaining weight. I told him he needs help.

I made an appointment for him to see a therapist, and am forcing him to go. I feel cheated on and disrespected. I don't know how to handle this bomb he dropped on me. I don't know how to be with someone who has such a strong impulse. I hate to feel at fault for walking away and breaking up our family, but I can't go along with this and risk my health. I also don't know how to live apart from him. Any help is appreciated. -- WIFE OF A FEEDER

DEAR WIFE: Your husband should have discussed this with you before you married. Gaining weight to feed your husband's fetish would not be healthy for you physically or -- feeling as you do -- emotionally.

Because you already have a licensed mental health professional in your database, schedule an appointment for yourself to help you rationally decide what you need to do. (Can your husband be content to have his fantasy but not involve you?) You may not want to "feel at fault" for walking away, but you aren't going to change him, and your first responsibility must be to maintain your health so you can parent your child to adulthood.

DEAR ABBY: This has been weighing on me for a long time. A guy I've known for years receives tons of food from a food pantry his sister runs. It sickens me because he's financially set. He brags to me about never ever having to buy groceries again. I think about the children and families who are in need of food during these terrible times. He is the worst kind of cheapskate and doesn't like spending money on anything.

Obviously, if his sister is allowing this, she is doing the same thing. I told him he should be ashamed of himself for taking advantage of this program. His response was that he served our country, so he's entitled! (He was dishonorably discharged after seven months.) He truly feels the food is owed to him. This has been bothering me for a long time and, to be honest, I wish he had never told me. -- DISGUSTED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR DISGUSTED: And your question is? Those two appear to have no conscience. Contact the head of the organization that sponsors the food bank and tell the person what you have written to me. I don't think I'm being too harsh to point out that "Sissy" is guilty of theft by funneling food to her brother and preventing a needy family from having it. Shameless.

DEAR ABBY: Is it possible to be in love with someone who is incarcerated? -- ROMANTIC IN TEXAS

DEAR ROMANTIC: Yes. However, it depends upon the length of the relationship and whether you met the person before he or she was incarcerated. If you knew the person before, it is possible. However, if your relationship began while he or she was serving time, it is extremely important that you verify anything you are being told and refrain from sending the person money.