DEAR ABBY: My husband and I married two years ago. A year later we welcomed our first child. I never imagined I would ever want a divorce. Well, I found out early this year that my husband has a fetish/fantasy about bigger women. (He actually said it.) He is a "feeder." He has purchased books related to these things and watches videos and reads stories about it while sitting next to me on the couch! It turns him on. He has asked me to consider gaining weight. I told him he needs help.
I made an appointment for him to see a therapist, and am forcing him to go. I feel cheated on and disrespected. I don't know how to handle this bomb he dropped on me. I don't know how to be with someone who has such a strong impulse. I hate to feel at fault for walking away and breaking up our family, but I can't go along with this and risk my health. I also don't know how to live apart from him. Any help is appreciated. -- WIFE OF A FEEDER
DEAR WIFE: Your husband should have discussed this with you before you married. Gaining weight to feed your husband's fetish would not be healthy for you physically or -- feeling as you do -- emotionally.
Because you already have a licensed mental health professional in your database, schedule an appointment for yourself to help you rationally decide what you need to do. (Can your husband be content to have his fantasy but not involve you?) You may not want to "feel at fault" for walking away, but you aren't going to change him, and your first responsibility must be to maintain your health so you can parent your child to adulthood.