life

Mom Vetoes Grandma's Plan To Flout Distancing Rules

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 14th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My parents have strong opinions. I don't agree with them in areas such as how to raise or discipline my children. If I try to explain why, they mock me with their tone of voice. Then they get mad if I try to discuss it with them and won't speak to me for a couple of weeks.

Currently, they are insisting that I am making a mountain out of a molehill because of the coronavirus. I stay at home with my children and run out only to buy food. Abby, my parents are ignoring all the health recommendations. They still go out in public places where people are close to each other.

They now want to have all their grandkids over to play and are upset with me because I refuse. It has reached the point that I don't answer my phone when I see Mom's number because I know she'll lecture me on how I am "tearing the family apart over this nonsense that we'll just laugh about next year." How do you get family members to respect your request for social distancing? -- DOING WHAT'S RIGHT FOR NOW

DEAR DOING: Here's how: Stick to your guns. Remind your mother that your children's welfare is your sacred responsibility. It is your job to ensure their safety, and it's no laughing matter. Tell her this is why you have chosen to follow the directions issued by the Centers for Disease Control. You wish she and your dad would be more careful about their own health, but you respect that they are adults making their own choices, and you expect that she will extend to you the same courtesy. Period!

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Gift Recipient Responds With Criticism Instead of Thanks

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 14th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I recently gave a family member a gift. Immediately upon opening it, they exclaimed, "I don't want this! I will never use this. Can I return it and get something else?" This was followed by repeatedly saying they didn't want the item and dragging out of the closet a similar item another family member had given them, exclaiming, "See? I already have almost the exact same thing, and I've never used it."

This relative kept repeating they didn't ever want anything like this and what I should always get them. This is the same person, by the way, who buys me whatever they want to get me whether I want it or not, and refuses to listen when I state what I would like as gifts. Am I too sensitive, or is this behavior bad manners? -- GIFT HORSE IN WYOMING

DEAR GIFT HORSE: It's an example of appalling bad manners and lack of gratitude. Because the relative is also unwilling or unable to choose appropriate gifts, why not agree to stop exchanging them? In cases like this, a nice, neutral greeting card would cause fewer hurt feelings.

Etiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting
life

Couple Asks for Ruling on Car Title

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 14th, 2020 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I disagree about something, and I'd like you to be the tie-breaker. One of us believes it's proper to keep the title to a vehicle in the glove compartment of the vehicle alongside the registration and insurance papers. The other thinks it's foolish and dangerous. What say you? -- TIE-BREAKER IN KENTUCKY

DEAR TIE-BREAKER: I say it is better to err on the side of caution and keep the title in a safe deposit box or file cabinet. The same is true for the deed to your home, as well as other important documents.

Health & Safety
life

Baked Beans Recipe Wins Smiles at Family Gatherings

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 13th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I love your column. Some years ago, you printed a recipe for baked beans. I believe they were called St. James' Baked Beans. I have lost my copy. I would get lots of compliments about how great they were at family gatherings and potlucks. Would you please reprint the recipe? -- SHIRLEY IN BROWNSVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR SHIRLEY: Thank you for your kind words and for letting me know how much you enjoyed that recipe. It's included in my Cookbooklet set, which contains more than 100 tasty recipes for soups, salads, appetizers, main courses and desserts that can be used when friends and family get together to celebrate holidays and special occasions. Shirley, I am pleased to share it, knowing you will continue to enjoy it.

ST. JAMES' BAKED BEANS

(Serves 8)

6 slices bacon, diced

1/2 cup chopped onion

1 (16-ounce) can pork and beans, drained

1 (16-ounce) can lima beans, drained

1 (15-ounce) can kidney beans, rinsed and drained

1 (10-ounce) package sharp cheddar cheese, cubed

1 cup ketchup

3/4 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

Heat oven to 325 degrees. Butter a 1 1/2-quart casserole. In a small skillet, saute the bacon and onions until the bacon is crisp and onions are lightly browned; drain well. In a large bowl, combine the remaining ingredients. Add bacon-onion mixture; mix well. Pour bean mixture into prepared casserole. Bake uncovered at 325 degrees for 1 1/2 hours.

For readers who are interested in having my cookbooklets, they can be ordered as a set. Once you start reviewing "Cookbooklet II" you will discover that a sweet tooth runs in my family. The pecan pie recipe has won blue ribbons at county fairs, while others were featured on the covers of women's magazines. The booklets can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $16 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. I know the recipes will become among your favorites because dinner guests, family members -- as well as many readers -- have raved about them.

Also included in this collection are tips on entertaining, when those days return, for anyone who is inexperienced or nervous about it. Remember, although what you put on the table is important, it's who you put on the chairs that makes for a great party.

Holidays & Celebrations
life

Internet Search Reveals Roommate's Possible Criminal Past

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 13th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am seeing a guy whose roommate is a sex offender. I found out after I typed the address on the internet. I'm not sure how to ask my friend about it. Should I come right out and ask, or just leave it alone? I'm not sure he knows, but I would be surprised if he didn't. I don't want it to be awkward when I ask. -- SHOCKED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SHOCKED: There are various levels of sex offenses, and the roommate's offense may be minor. Double-check to make sure the roommate's name, address and photo match what you found on the site. Tell the man you are seeing what you discovered, but not in an alarmist manner.

Health & SafetyLove & Dating
life

Late Wife's Best Friend Stiff-Arms Man's Interest

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 12th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My wife passed away, and I have fallen in love with her best friend. She feels she would be disrespecting my wife's name if she went out with me. How can I let her know my wife would not object to us dating?

I don't know how to get her to understand my vows to my wife have been fulfilled with her passing. I will never forget her, and she will always be in my heart. But I feel I have room in my heart for this woman. She is a great person, and at some point I would like to have her as my wife. Advice, please? -- GOING FORWARD IN TEXAS

DEAR GOING: You have stated your points both succinctly and pragmatically. It's understandable that you would be drawn to her, considering the close relationship you already had, I assume for many years. If you have told this lady what you have written to me as plainly as you stated it in your letter, and her feelings remain unchanged, it is possible that she is not as attracted to you as you are to her. And, if that's the case, she should say so in plain English so you can look elsewhere.

Love & Dating
life

Couple Planning Wedding Hope Parents Will Volunteer to Contribute

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 12th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I got engaged a few months ago and have been getting mixed messages from our parents about our wedding next year. Overall, they seem happy for us, but they don't show much interest in our relationship, or the wedding either.

Since we are gay, we are unsure whose, if any, parents we should ask to help us pay for the wedding. My fiance's parents are very conservative and most likely wouldn't volunteer to contribute. My parents are likely the only ones who would help, but they haven't made any offers.

We both have full-time jobs, but they are middle to low income, so help would be appreciated. Part of me resents them for not offering any help since their parents pitched in for their festivities and because they will undoubtedly expect invitations. Any advice you can give would be appreciated. -- MARRYING IN THE WEST

DEAR MARRYING: Welcome to the world of gay weddings, a subject that has cropped up since 2015, when it was legalized in all 50 states. There are no hard and fast rules covering this. Modern couples, both straight and gay, often pay for their own weddings to the extent their budgets allow.

While you and your fiance might raise the subject of pitching in with your parents, in the interest of family harmony, please try not to do it with prior resentments or expectations. Whether they agree or decline, you will be fine, and your day will be special.

Holidays & CelebrationsMoneyFamily & Parenting
life

What to Do With Gift Purchased for Canceled Shower

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 12th, 2020 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I was invited to a baby shower. Because of the virus that's going around, many people weren't planning on going, so they canceled the party. Should I still take them the gift I bought for their baby? Or should I just forget it because they canceled the baby shower? -- BEARING A GIFT IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR BEARING A GIFT: Do not "just forget it." The kind -- and generous -- way to handle it would be to give the mother-to-be the gift, remembering that, in spite of the shower being canceled, she will need things for her baby.

Etiquette & EthicsHolidays & Celebrations

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