life

Baked Beans Recipe Wins Smiles at Family Gatherings

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 13th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I love your column. Some years ago, you printed a recipe for baked beans. I believe they were called St. James' Baked Beans. I have lost my copy. I would get lots of compliments about how great they were at family gatherings and potlucks. Would you please reprint the recipe? -- SHIRLEY IN BROWNSVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR SHIRLEY: Thank you for your kind words and for letting me know how much you enjoyed that recipe. It's included in my Cookbooklet set, which contains more than 100 tasty recipes for soups, salads, appetizers, main courses and desserts that can be used when friends and family get together to celebrate holidays and special occasions. Shirley, I am pleased to share it, knowing you will continue to enjoy it.

ST. JAMES' BAKED BEANS

(Serves 8)

6 slices bacon, diced

1/2 cup chopped onion

1 (16-ounce) can pork and beans, drained

1 (16-ounce) can lima beans, drained

1 (15-ounce) can kidney beans, rinsed and drained

1 (10-ounce) package sharp cheddar cheese, cubed

1 cup ketchup

3/4 cup firmly packed dark brown sugar

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce

Heat oven to 325 degrees. Butter a 1 1/2-quart casserole. In a small skillet, saute the bacon and onions until the bacon is crisp and onions are lightly browned; drain well. In a large bowl, combine the remaining ingredients. Add bacon-onion mixture; mix well. Pour bean mixture into prepared casserole. Bake uncovered at 325 degrees for 1 1/2 hours.

For readers who are interested in having my cookbooklets, they can be ordered as a set. Once you start reviewing "Cookbooklet II" you will discover that a sweet tooth runs in my family. The pecan pie recipe has won blue ribbons at county fairs, while others were featured on the covers of women's magazines. The booklets can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $16 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. I know the recipes will become among your favorites because dinner guests, family members -- as well as many readers -- have raved about them.

Also included in this collection are tips on entertaining, when those days return, for anyone who is inexperienced or nervous about it. Remember, although what you put on the table is important, it's who you put on the chairs that makes for a great party.

Holidays & Celebrations
life

Internet Search Reveals Roommate's Possible Criminal Past

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 13th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am seeing a guy whose roommate is a sex offender. I found out after I typed the address on the internet. I'm not sure how to ask my friend about it. Should I come right out and ask, or just leave it alone? I'm not sure he knows, but I would be surprised if he didn't. I don't want it to be awkward when I ask. -- SHOCKED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SHOCKED: There are various levels of sex offenses, and the roommate's offense may be minor. Double-check to make sure the roommate's name, address and photo match what you found on the site. Tell the man you are seeing what you discovered, but not in an alarmist manner.

Love & DatingHealth & Safety
life

Late Wife's Best Friend Stiff-Arms Man's Interest

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 12th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My wife passed away, and I have fallen in love with her best friend. She feels she would be disrespecting my wife's name if she went out with me. How can I let her know my wife would not object to us dating?

I don't know how to get her to understand my vows to my wife have been fulfilled with her passing. I will never forget her, and she will always be in my heart. But I feel I have room in my heart for this woman. She is a great person, and at some point I would like to have her as my wife. Advice, please? -- GOING FORWARD IN TEXAS

DEAR GOING: You have stated your points both succinctly and pragmatically. It's understandable that you would be drawn to her, considering the close relationship you already had, I assume for many years. If you have told this lady what you have written to me as plainly as you stated it in your letter, and her feelings remain unchanged, it is possible that she is not as attracted to you as you are to her. And, if that's the case, she should say so in plain English so you can look elsewhere.

Love & Dating
life

Couple Planning Wedding Hope Parents Will Volunteer to Contribute

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 12th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I got engaged a few months ago and have been getting mixed messages from our parents about our wedding next year. Overall, they seem happy for us, but they don't show much interest in our relationship, or the wedding either.

Since we are gay, we are unsure whose, if any, parents we should ask to help us pay for the wedding. My fiance's parents are very conservative and most likely wouldn't volunteer to contribute. My parents are likely the only ones who would help, but they haven't made any offers.

We both have full-time jobs, but they are middle to low income, so help would be appreciated. Part of me resents them for not offering any help since their parents pitched in for their festivities and because they will undoubtedly expect invitations. Any advice you can give would be appreciated. -- MARRYING IN THE WEST

DEAR MARRYING: Welcome to the world of gay weddings, a subject that has cropped up since 2015, when it was legalized in all 50 states. There are no hard and fast rules covering this. Modern couples, both straight and gay, often pay for their own weddings to the extent their budgets allow.

While you and your fiance might raise the subject of pitching in with your parents, in the interest of family harmony, please try not to do it with prior resentments or expectations. Whether they agree or decline, you will be fine, and your day will be special.

Family & ParentingMoneyHolidays & Celebrations
life

What to Do With Gift Purchased for Canceled Shower

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 12th, 2020 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I was invited to a baby shower. Because of the virus that's going around, many people weren't planning on going, so they canceled the party. Should I still take them the gift I bought for their baby? Or should I just forget it because they canceled the baby shower? -- BEARING A GIFT IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR BEARING A GIFT: Do not "just forget it." The kind -- and generous -- way to handle it would be to give the mother-to-be the gift, remembering that, in spite of the shower being canceled, she will need things for her baby.

Holidays & CelebrationsEtiquette & Ethics
life

Friendship Ends With Flood of Social Media Messages

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 11th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I had this friend that I met eight months ago at a local boxing gym here in Chicago. We got along extremely well and even hung out a couple of times. However, she left her job at the gym two months later and things started falling apart.

I started sending excessive messages on her social media, and she didn't like it. By the following month, she had enough. She told me I have an unhealthy attachment to her and we would go our separate ways. She blocked me from all social media, and she hasn't contacted me since.

Four months later, I am better, but she is still in my head. I really want to write her a nice and sincere letter and reconcile with her and have her be my friend again. I didn't know that I was doing something wrong.

I have tried reaching out to her multiple times recently via email, to no avail. In the meantime, one of her friends told me she has moved to Texas, which makes it even more heartbreaking. How can I show her I can be her friend again without exhibiting those same "toxic" behaviors? -- GUY WITH A WOUNDED HEART

DEAR GUY: You have already done enough. You have done so much, in fact, that the young woman felt she was being stalked. She has sent you clear signals that she's not interested in being friends -- or anything more -- with you. For your own sake, take the hint, leave her alone and, please, learn from this experience so you won't repeat it with someone else.

Love & Dating
life

Son Pays His Parents Rent, but Refuses to Pay More for Girlfriend

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 11th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am 60, and my husband is 64. We lost everything in the recession. A dear friend helped us get back on our feet, and my son and husband built a home on land we purchased with our last dollar. We have a mortgage and all the bills that come with it. We have no savings, pension or life insurance. I work 40 hours a week, and my husband is partially disabled from an autoimmune disease.

My son, who is studying to become an RN, is 33. He lives with us and pays $550 a month, which pays the property taxes. He has slowly brought his girlfriend into our home, whom we like, but she does not contribute financially. I have asked my son for some extra money, and he refused. We will always appreciate how he pitched in and helped us in creating a new home. What can I do without starting a family war? -- KEEPING THE PEACE

DEAR KEEPING: It would have been interesting to know what reason your son gave you for his refusal. Continue talking with him about it. Unless the girlfriend is unemployed, she should at least pay for her food and a share of the utilities if she is living in your home.

MoneyFamily & Parenting
life

Women's Health Week Is Time to Focus on Yourself

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 11th, 2020 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR READERS: This is National Women's Health Week. Because of the current health crisis, taking care of your health is now more important than ever. Make it a priority. Eat healthy, give yourself the gift of exercise, manage your stress levels, get the sleep you need, and schedule that appointment to see your doctor or dentist as soon as they are seeing patients again. Take steps to eliminate behaviors that put you at risk -- smoking, texting while driving and not wearing a seatbelt. Your health is your most precious possession, so please, take care of it. For more information, visit womenshealth.gov. -- Love, ABBY

Holidays & CelebrationsHealth & Safety

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