life

Altering Wife's Perfect Dishes Is Blasted by Sympathetic Cook

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 8th, 2020

DEAR ABBY: Regarding "Recipe for Disaster in Texas" (Feb. 17), I have to say I disagreed with your response. Although Michelin won't be awarding me any stars, I consider myself a good cook, and I strive to make unique, flavorful meals for my family. My husband frequently feels the need to doctor my recipes, and I think it's disrespectful of the time and care I took in preparing the meal.

He insists on combining ingredients that don't belong together. He puts cheddar cheese on spaghetti Bolognese and ranch dressing on chicken teriyaki. He knows this isn't appropriate, and he would never ask for this modification in a restaurant.

"Recipe" should learn to appreciate that his wife is preparing meals for him. If he can do better, he can take over the cooking. -- FLAVOR QUEEN OF NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR QUEEN: I enjoyed the responses to that letter about a husband reseasoning his wife's gourmet meals to her distinct displeasure. Some of the online comments made me chuckle, so I'll share them, too. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: While I was in the military, it was normal to add salt, pepper and ketchup to everything without tasting it first. The habit has followed me for 50 years, no matter where I am. I tell the host that it's normal for me and to not take it personally. Mac 'n' cheese needs ketchup; veggies, potatoes, eggs and watermelon need salt; most everything else needs pepper. For me to taste something, it has to burn my tongue. -- VIETNAM VET IN MISSOURI

DEAR ABBY: That wife sounds like an oversensitive control freak. Personally, I can't handle peppers, but I do like lots of cheese and sour cream on my enchiladas. My wife, who does the majority of the cooking, knows my preference, so she does me the honor of putting more of that on my enchiladas. I also like to dip my fries into mayo instead of ketchup, so she obliges. This is what we do for people we love. We don't threaten, "My way or the highway, Bub!" -- G.S. IN ABBYLAND

DEAR ABBY: I laughed when I was told to substitute "healthy" plain yogurt for sour cream. It never tasted anything like sour cream to me. Then I got some Greek yogurt and realized it works just as well. (It's an excellent protein source, and many older adults need more as we age.) Now I add plenty without feeling guilty. -- ONLINE LOVER

DEAR ABBY: My husband jokes that he has Mexican taste buds but a white guy stomach. Thank heavens we have separate bathrooms. -- C.K. ON THE NET

DEAR ABBY: I know when my husband gets out the Tabasco that the meal is not quite to his liking. I don't usually mind, because I don't cook just for him. I cook for the entire family. (And, just for reference, he thinks I'm an amazing cook.) -- P.M. ON THE WEB

DEAR ABBY: Oh, yes -- Tabasco sauce. My dad had so much of it in his lifetime, he should have been McIlhenny's pitchman. I can see the ad now:

Announcer: What do YOU have Tabasco with?

Man: I have it with chili!

Woman: I have it with eggs!

My dad: I have it with a straw.

-- "ABBDICT" A.C.

Etiquette & EthicsMarriage & Divorce
life

Teen Chafes Under Dad's Strict Style of Parenting

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 7th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a teenage girl in an average family. I started getting interested in LGBTQ+ and other social justice topics when I was in fifth grade.

Since then, I have realized that, among other things, I'm a lesbian, a liberal and an atheist. This wouldn't be a problem, but my father hates many of the things I am or stand for. He's an extremely conservative, Christian, gun-rights person, and he wants me and my brothers to join the military. He constantly pushes me to be the best that I can be, and I try, but his idea of "best" is very different from mine.

I have several mental problems, which resulted in me getting special privileges in school. I use them whenever I can, but it is never enough for him. He keeps searching through my grade book until he finds something new for me to do, regardless of the date it was assigned or whether it can be graded anymore.

I have various restrictions on my use of technology, so I can barely contact my friends. It has gotten to the point that I am worried about when I come out and looking forward to college just so I can get away. Please tell me what to do in the meantime because college is five years away. -- WAITING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR WAITING: You and your dad have very different outlooks on life, and that's OK. That said, you must live under his roof for the next five years, so be diplomatic and keep some of your opinions to yourself as long as possible.

You may think your father is heavy-handed in parenting you, but has it occurred to you that when he goes through your grade book, he's trying to make sure you know how to work all the problems in it? Placing restrictions on a minor's use of technology is intelligent parenting, at least for someone just entering her teens. Please try to cut him some slack. Recognize there is a bright future ahead of you if you concentrate on your studies to the best of your ability and buckle down now.

Mental HealthWork & SchoolSex & GenderTeensFamily & Parenting
life

Mom Wants Original Engagement Ring Returned From Son's Fiancee

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 7th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My 32-year-old son, "Jerry," wanted to propose to his girlfriend, but didn't have money for a ring. My husband offered him my original engagement ring, assuming for some reason (or maybe just not thinking) that my old ring didn't hold sentimental value to me, although I wore that 1/3-carat diamond every day for 32 years before getting a new, larger one.

After the ring was offered, I felt forced to let him have it. I knew it wouldn't fit his girlfriend, and I also didn't think she would settle for such a small diamond, but I figured he would have the diamond put into a setting that fit her. I got over my feeling of loss knowing he would use the ring.

Well, he didn't. He gave her my ring, and then they went out and charged a nice-sized engagement ring that she selected. My original ring now hangs on a chain in her jewelry box. Should I ask for my ring back? -- MEANS A LOT IN TEXAS

DEAR MEANS A LOT: Because your first engagement ring is not being used as intended and was only a place holder until your son's fiancee got what she really wanted, I see no reason why you shouldn't ask, and I also see no reason why she shouldn't graciously comply.

MoneyFamily & Parenting
life

Reconnecting With Son's Dad Makes Recent Divorcee Giddy

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 6th, 2020 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I just divorced my husband. We were together for 13 years. The last three weren't great. After my divorce -- which was grueling -- I reconnected with my son's father, and we are in love. Our romance was doomed before it started back then. Our son is now 18, and we are in our 40s.

Today, our situation is very different. We are both doing well financially and individually. We are blissfully happy and don't rehash the past. I feel like we were interrupted when we were young. Am I crazy for feeling he is THE ONE? I really want it to work. -- IN LOVE IN NEVADA

DEAR IN LOVE: You aren't crazy, but you are recently divorced and didn't mention how long you have been "reconnected" with your son's father. I urge you to put the brakes on and take the time to get to know each other again. I also think you should rehash the past because unless the problems of years ago are resolved, they may be repeated. Time will tell if he is, indeed, "The One," and fortunately, you both have plenty of it. I wish you a happy ending.

Marriage & DivorceLove & Dating
life

Daughter Is Only Cousin Left Off Nephew's Wedding Guest List

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 6th, 2020 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have five nieces and nephews. With the exception of one nephew, my wife and I have attended all of their weddings. They were all invited to and attended our daughter's wedding.

The last nephew is being married next year. All of his cousins are invited, with the exception of my daughter. Why? Even though she is the same age as the rest of his cousins, he says he doesn't know her that well.

Should my wife and I attend his wedding? If we do, I will insist he invite my daughter as well. Kindly provide your opinion. -- EXCLUDED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR EXCLUDED: Excluding your daughter so glaringly guarantees that your nephew and his wife will never get to know her. However, you cannot, and should not, attempt to control your nephew's guest list by threatening not to attend if your daughter isn't invited. If you would feel uncomfortable accepting the invitation under these circumstances, send your regrets on the RSVP card. If you are asked why you won't be coming, feel free to express yourself then.

Holidays & CelebrationsFamily & Parenting
life

Affair With Married Man Is Complicated by Cancer

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 6th, 2020 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for almost a year. We connected in a way I have never felt before, and I tried to stay away from him. He's married, and his wife was diagnosed with cancer last year.

I have tried to end things three times so he could focus on his family. But he keeps coming back to me and begging me to wait, give him time and not abandon him. I feel so guilty for the things I want from him because of his wife's condition.

I don't know what to do. I want to be with him. But I don't want to cause his family to struggle more on top of everything else. Please help. -- DIFFICULT SITUATION

DEAR SITUATION: If you are sincere about not wanting to cause this man's family more pain, step away now. His wife should be the focus of his attention. If this relationship is the real thing, it can be restarted when he is free from the responsibility he assumed when he promised "until death do us part."

Health & SafetyLove & Dating

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