DEAR ABBY: My husband wants me to stop speaking to our adult children. He says they have both offended him, and he wants an apology from them.

My daughter didn't help him when he was out of the home for a few months and had nowhere to go. At the time, she was living in her boyfriend's grandparents' home. She had asked them if it was OK, but they said no. My husband was hurt by this and wants her to apologize for "treating him this way." They no longer speak to each other and exchanged hurtful texts until my daughter blocked him.

My son, who just turned 18, is in college. He came home for a break and asked if he could stay with his girlfriend. I said yes. When my husband found out, he ordered our son to come home. My son pulled the "I'm 18; you can't tell me what to do." He then said our family crisis was causing his girlfriend to have anxiety and depression. This upset my husband because he felt he was being blamed for her issues and disrespected when my son refused to come home. My husband feels I should stop speaking to him, too, to support him.

I cannot bring myself to do this. My husband says our marriage is over if I can't support him. What would you do? -- IN A FAMILY MESS

DEAR "MESS": Your husband is a handful. With his authoritarian attitude, he cannot seem to stop himself from alienating family members. He is acting like a bullying child. Right now, he is two for two and counting.

I do not think you should stop talking to your daughter for things beyond her control or for telling the truth. If you have any power at all in your marital relationship, please insist that all of you get family counseling from a licensed professional. Your husband needs to learn to communicate more effectively with his son. If your husband refuses to participate, and he may, then you have some important decisions about your future that I cannot make for you.

DEAR ABBY: My younger sister died two years ago. She was only 43. She left behind her husband of 19 years, three children, my parents and myself (along with many other family members and friends).

Her choice was to be cremated. As a family, we discussed my brother-in-law's plans for the ashes. He discussed various options and we, of course, shared our desires and wishes. Her ashes remained in the cardboard box from the funeral home on a shelf in their living room until my brother-in-law moved into a new place a year later.

My mother finally confronted him. She said it was disrespectful not to have finalized a resting place for her daughter. She said she knew the ashes belong to him because he's the husband. His response was he was sorry she felt that way. Now we don't know what he's done with them. He became engaged 15 months after my sister's death and has been living with his fiancee.

This seems so wrong to me and so dismissive of my sister and my family. What can we do? We want a final resting place for her. We think his actions show he obviously doesn't care. -- DISILLUSIONED AND HEARTBROKEN

DEAR D&H: That's not necessarily true. Your former brother-in-law may care so much about his late wife that he cannot let the ashes go. I hope you will maintain contact with him because it's a way to keep track of those ashes. As his wedding date grows near, he may soften his stance and allow them to be divided, perhaps with some prodding from his new wife, which may be the solution that's best for everyone concerned.

DEAR ABBY: How would you suggest I deal with people who continually want to sabotage my diet? I worked very hard to drop more than 30 pounds. I also have digestive health issues that are no one's business.

An example: During the coffee break at a meeting at work, someone offered me lovely homemade baked goods. I said, "No, thank you." I then got a snide remark about being ungrateful for all the "effort that went into them" and was urged to "just try a little bit to be sociable."

Another time someone plunked a huge chunk of frosting-laden something in front of me. Or, a friend brings me a large quantity of candy or wine or strange "gourmet" stuff I can't eat, all of which wind up in the trash even after I have asked them to please don't.

When I visit my mother, she continues to pile stuff on my plate even after I repeatedly say, "No more, thank you." Then I get a lecture about wasting food. What do I need to be doing or saying differently? -- SABOTAGED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR SABOTAGED: Take your easily offended co-workers aside and tell them, individually, that you cannot eat their tempting pastries because your doctor has told you you mustn't. I am sure it is the truth, and you should not feel guilty.

As to your mother, who really should know better, the next time she accuses you of wasting food, I don't think you would be out of line to tell her in plain English that she, not you, is the one wasting food by piling more than you can comfortably eat on your plate.

DEAR ABBY: When I married my wife, "Celia," I was still in college, and she was a well-paid professional with an advanced degree. She told me that while she supported my goals, she expected me to be an equal partner and contribute my fair share. I worked, took out student loans, and we evenly divided our expenses and maintained separate bank accounts.

Flash-forward 30 years: Celia's finances are a disaster. While I saved, spent wisely and planned for retirement, she spent foolishly and is now mired in a mountain of debt with no savings at all. She ignored my commonsense financial advice over the years and chose to live beyond her means -- new cars, long vacations, expensive jewelry, etc.

I am now comfortably retired, but Celia lives paycheck to paycheck and cannot afford even the smallest of unforeseen bills. I pay for all home repairs, vehicle maintenance, new appliances, etc.

Realistically, without financial help, Celia, now 60, will never be able to retire. Her "plan" is for me to die first, then collect my pension, savings, life insurance and Social Security. Whichever one of us goes first, she's set, in her mind.

Question: Am I ethically or morally obligated to help her financially? Sometimes I want to, other times I don't. -- TORN IN THE WEST

DEAR TORN: You and Celia are long overdue for consulting a financial adviser who can help you get this problem under control. I suggest you find a credit counselor affiliated with the National Foundation for Credit Counseling.

I am not going to weigh in on the subjects of ethics and morals, but I will say this: As Celia's husband, you are legally obligated. (If she is truly counting on your death to be her retirement plan, you may need to hire a food taster.)

TO MY READERS: Sundown marks the first night of the Jewish holiday of Passover. Happy Passover, everyone!

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I want to host a college graduation party for our son. The problem is, one of my sisters has four children -- three teenagers and an 11-year-old who doesn't behave at parties. My sister calls her "Our Little Precious." She and her husband come to events, ignore the kids and want this to be their time to "relax." Another sister has two teenagers who are very well behaved.

My husband wants to ban Little Precious from the graduation party and invite the well-behaved teenagers. I agree with my husband that I do not want another party ruined, especially since my son worked so hard to graduate. But I don't want to cause a permanent rift in the family either. My sister is very stubborn, hot-tempered and clueless. Advice? -- SISTER IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR ABBY: At 73, I am blessed with excellent health and stamina. The only nod to my age is that I like to have a 20-minute nap after lunch. However, my kids and others treat me like I'm 90. They keep asking how I feel and if I'm tired. My son-in-law "Dave" is anxious when I babysit my 4-year-old granddaughter unless it's at their home. How can I make clear to them that I'm as capable as I was 25 years ago without either insulting or angering them? -- NAPPING GRANDMA IN L.A.

DEAR NAPPING: Your daughter and son-in-law are lucky. Their daughter has a healthy, caring grandma who is willing to look after her grandchild while Mom and Dad do ... whatever. Not all parents are so fortunate.

These days, 73 is not over the hill. Could Dave's concerns about your health be caused by ageism? Or does he prefer you do your babysitting at their house because he thinks yours isn't sufficiently childproof?

As to offending your daughter and her husband, if you prefer to babysit at your house, that should be your choice. But if they don't agree with that, suggest they hire someone because you will be playing tennis, a round of golf or training for a marathon.

DEAR ABBY: An acquaintance I see occasionally has a grooming problem I'm reluctant to tell him about because I don't know him well: He has hairs growing out of his nose, and they are not only noticeable but distracting. How can I apprise him of this without embarrassing him and myself? -- DIPLOMAT IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR DIPLOMAT: Allow me to answer that question by quoting an ancient Chinese proverb: "When in doubt, do nothing." While your intent is to be helpful, it would cause embarrassment, and I don't recommend it.