DEAR ABBY: How would you suggest I deal with people who continually want to sabotage my diet? I worked very hard to drop more than 30 pounds. I also have digestive health issues that are no one's business.

An example: During the coffee break at a meeting at work, someone offered me lovely homemade baked goods. I said, "No, thank you." I then got a snide remark about being ungrateful for all the "effort that went into them" and was urged to "just try a little bit to be sociable."

Another time someone plunked a huge chunk of frosting-laden something in front of me. Or, a friend brings me a large quantity of candy or wine or strange "gourmet" stuff I can't eat, all of which wind up in the trash even after I have asked them to please don't.

When I visit my mother, she continues to pile stuff on my plate even after I repeatedly say, "No more, thank you." Then I get a lecture about wasting food. What do I need to be doing or saying differently? -- SABOTAGED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR SABOTAGED: Take your easily offended co-workers aside and tell them, individually, that you cannot eat their tempting pastries because your doctor has told you you mustn't. I am sure it is the truth, and you should not feel guilty.

As to your mother, who really should know better, the next time she accuses you of wasting food, I don't think you would be out of line to tell her in plain English that she, not you, is the one wasting food by piling more than you can comfortably eat on your plate.

DEAR ABBY: When I married my wife, "Celia," I was still in college, and she was a well-paid professional with an advanced degree. She told me that while she supported my goals, she expected me to be an equal partner and contribute my fair share. I worked, took out student loans, and we evenly divided our expenses and maintained separate bank accounts.

Flash-forward 30 years: Celia's finances are a disaster. While I saved, spent wisely and planned for retirement, she spent foolishly and is now mired in a mountain of debt with no savings at all. She ignored my commonsense financial advice over the years and chose to live beyond her means -- new cars, long vacations, expensive jewelry, etc.

I am now comfortably retired, but Celia lives paycheck to paycheck and cannot afford even the smallest of unforeseen bills. I pay for all home repairs, vehicle maintenance, new appliances, etc.

Realistically, without financial help, Celia, now 60, will never be able to retire. Her "plan" is for me to die first, then collect my pension, savings, life insurance and Social Security. Whichever one of us goes first, she's set, in her mind.

Question: Am I ethically or morally obligated to help her financially? Sometimes I want to, other times I don't. -- TORN IN THE WEST

DEAR TORN: You and Celia are long overdue for consulting a financial adviser who can help you get this problem under control. I suggest you find a credit counselor affiliated with the National Foundation for Credit Counseling.

I am not going to weigh in on the subjects of ethics and morals, but I will say this: As Celia's husband, you are legally obligated. (If she is truly counting on your death to be her retirement plan, you may need to hire a food taster.)

TO MY READERS: Sundown marks the first night of the Jewish holiday of Passover. Happy Passover, everyone!

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I want to host a college graduation party for our son. The problem is, one of my sisters has four children -- three teenagers and an 11-year-old who doesn't behave at parties. My sister calls her "Our Little Precious." She and her husband come to events, ignore the kids and want this to be their time to "relax." Another sister has two teenagers who are very well behaved.

My husband wants to ban Little Precious from the graduation party and invite the well-behaved teenagers. I agree with my husband that I do not want another party ruined, especially since my son worked so hard to graduate. But I don't want to cause a permanent rift in the family either. My sister is very stubborn, hot-tempered and clueless. Advice? -- SISTER IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR ABBY: At 73, I am blessed with excellent health and stamina. The only nod to my age is that I like to have a 20-minute nap after lunch. However, my kids and others treat me like I'm 90. They keep asking how I feel and if I'm tired. My son-in-law "Dave" is anxious when I babysit my 4-year-old granddaughter unless it's at their home. How can I make clear to them that I'm as capable as I was 25 years ago without either insulting or angering them? -- NAPPING GRANDMA IN L.A.

DEAR NAPPING: Your daughter and son-in-law are lucky. Their daughter has a healthy, caring grandma who is willing to look after her grandchild while Mom and Dad do ... whatever. Not all parents are so fortunate.

These days, 73 is not over the hill. Could Dave's concerns about your health be caused by ageism? Or does he prefer you do your babysitting at their house because he thinks yours isn't sufficiently childproof?

As to offending your daughter and her husband, if you prefer to babysit at your house, that should be your choice. But if they don't agree with that, suggest they hire someone because you will be playing tennis, a round of golf or training for a marathon.

DEAR ABBY: An acquaintance I see occasionally has a grooming problem I'm reluctant to tell him about because I don't know him well: He has hairs growing out of his nose, and they are not only noticeable but distracting. How can I apprise him of this without embarrassing him and myself? -- DIPLOMAT IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR DIPLOMAT: Allow me to answer that question by quoting an ancient Chinese proverb: "When in doubt, do nothing." While your intent is to be helpful, it would cause embarrassment, and I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who is an alcoholic. I met her when we first moved here five years ago. At that time, I wasn't aware of her drinking problem. Over the years it has become very apparent. I have yelled at her, shown deep concern for her, threatened rehab, begged her to get help, etc.

She calls me late in the evening rambling on about ridiculous things, repeating the same stories over and over, crying, claiming she's having panic attacks and all sorts of other health ailments that are most likely caused by her drinking. I am at my wits' end with her. She's a good person and has a good heart, but I know I can't save her because she's already stated she will never stop drinking.

How do I manage to keep my own sanity? I sometimes feel like I enable her by not calling her out on all her excuses for her problems when I know well they're all because of the drinking. -- ENABLER IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ENABLER: I have two suggestions for you, and I hope you will avail yourself of both. The first is to go online to al-anon.org to find the nearest location for meetings (you will find they are all over) and attend some. Al-Anon is a sister organization of Alcoholics Anonymous, and it was founded to help and support the friends and family members of people who have an alcohol problem. It will help you to understand that you cannot help your friend. Only she can do that by mustering up the resolve to quit drinking. Many alcoholics do this only after they finally realize the consequences their addiction has cost them. In this case, the price may be her friendship with you.

The second is to tell your friend -- while she is sober -- that she cannot continue calling you when she has been drinking, and that if she does, you will hang up. Then do it.

DEAR ABBY: My 53-year-old brother had an affair eight years ago. He and his wife have four children. When he told his wife about it, they started sleeping in separate bedrooms. She stays with him for the kids' sake and for financial reasons.

The other woman, "Rachael," recently contacted him saying she has cancer and has no family who want to take care of her. He put her up in his cabin in the mountains and hasn't told his wife. He asked what I thought, and honestly, I feel that although I am sad for Rachael, my brother should put his wife before his concern for this other woman. I'm angry with him for what he's doing to his wife. What should he do? -- DISAGREEING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR DISAGREEING: I assume that when your brother confided what he has been doing, you gave him your thoughts on it. If you didn't, you should.

I find it telling that the person asking me what he should do is you and not him. Rather than try to run interference for him, recognize the ball is in his court, and he has to decide for himself what he should -- or should not -- do, because he is playing a very dangerous game.