DEAR ABBY: I was sexually abused by a sibling for 10 years during my childhood. I never told anyone what happened to me until I confided in my fiance after we were engaged. I have gone through counseling sessions and am at a place in my life where I am happy and healthy.

Currently, I have a relationship with my parents, but not with my sibling. My parents often express their wish for me to have a relationship with my sibling, but I always refuse. I feel that telling them what happened at this point would only cause hurt for them. But I also feel that if I tell them, I can stop getting asked uncomfortable questions. What do you suggest? -- SURVIVOR IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR SURVIVOR: I suggest you tell your parents everything. It's something you should have done years ago. Do not worry about hurting them. Once they have all the facts, they will understand why you want nothing to do with your sibling and stop pushing you to have a relationship with your abuser, and that's the goal.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with a man for five years, and we are deeply in love. We want to spend the rest of our lives together, but it bothers me that he wants to go into the military for three to five years. He says he wants me to wait for him, but three to five years seems like a lifetime to me. I can't help but feel like he is prioritizing his desire to serve his country over me and years of our life together. -- CIVILIAN IN THE EAST

DEAR CIVILIAN: It would be interesting to know how old you and your boyfriend are. I assume you are both young and graduating from high school.

This is not necessarily a question of where his priorities lie. While three to five years seems like a large chunk of time, the military may provide your boyfriend with the chance to decide what he wants to do career-wise with his life. It would also provide benefits that could positively affect his future -- and yours -- once his term of service is finished. If you feel unable to wait for him, you should let him go.

DEAR ABBY: My mother is 88 and in a nursing home. While cleaning out her apartment, I found her will. With it there was a handwritten note stating that my son should get my mother's diamond ring. The ring is unique and special. The note specifically said that my sister's kids should not get the ring because they didn't act like they loved her, while my son did. The note instructed my son to give the ring to his wife.

I have not shown the note to my sister because I know she will be upset. I want to give the ring to my son. I know my sister will see the ring on my daughter-in-law's finger and know it was my mom's. My sister will wonder how she got the ring. What should I do? -- HURT IN OHIO

DEAR HURT: Do not approach your sister with this information until you have spoken to an attorney. Show him or her the will you found in your mother's apartment and the note that was with it. If your mom is able, have the ring details added to the will. In order to avoid any misunderstandings and a possible rift in the family, your sister should be given a copy of both. After that, take your lead from the attorney.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 83-year-old mother of four. I have been living with my second husband now for 21 years. Nineteen years ago, my husband loaned one of my daughters and her husband a large sum of money so they could buy a house and pay off bills and judgments. All the necessary paperwork for the loan was signed at the time of the closing with a lawyer present, and it was agreed they would pay us back a certain amount every month.

After a few years of mostly regular repayments, the payments dwindled, although they continued to buy expensive electronics and other items. Several years have passed now, and a few checks and cash payments have arrived, but only after much begging.

Our lawyer sent them a letter a few years ago telling them to pay up or we would sue them. It resulted in their not seeing or talking to us for a couple of years. We really need the money now. Maybe she's hoping we will die. What do you suggest we do at this point? Her brother and sisters don't want to get involved. -- LOVING, GIVING MOM

DEAR MOM: I am truly sorry. But because your other children refuse to become involved in convincing your deadbeat daughter and her husband to pay what they owe you, you have no other choice but to contact the lawyer who drafted the loan agreement and instruct him to follow through.

DEAR ABBY: My husband retired four years ago. At first he seemed to enjoy not having to go to work. Then he got bored and needed something to do. For some reason, he bought an old Corvette to restore. I was supportive, until I found out it's an expensive hobby. Finding and buying all the replacement parts costs money.

He has been working on that car for 3 1/2 years now. As soon as he gets it ready to drive, something else breaks. Meanwhile, he has bought four more old Corvettes "to work on." Our backyard looks like a junkyard.

We haven't had a vacation trip since he retired, not even a weekend to the mountains. He argues that we can't afford it, but he spends thousands on those old cars. It has become an obsession for him, and it's "driving" ME crazy. Any suggestions? -- CORVETTE WIDOW IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WIDOW: Healthy couples discuss large purchases before making them. What your husband is doing is destructive to your relationship. It almost seems as though he is using his hobby as a way of avoiding spending time with you. My suggestion is that you and your husband find the money to consult a marriage counselor because what's going on is unfair to you. And if you need a vacation, consider taking one by yourself or with a friend.

DEAR ABBY: I will be turning 50 soon. How do I explain to my husband and parents that I just want to spend it alone? Is there something wrong with me for feeling this way? -- BIRTHDAY WISH IN IOWA

DEAR BIRTHDAY WISH: People react to their birthdays, especially milestone birthdays, differently. Some are elated, while others feel depressed. Not everyone wants a lot of "hoopla." If you prefer spending your 50th birthday quietly, your wish should be respected, and you should not have to go into a long explanation about why.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30-plus years cheated on me several years ago with one of his young private students. In our state, she would have been underage, but she was living in an adjacent state with different laws. I had just finished six months of nursing his mom to heaven. She had Alzheimer's, and he did very little to help.

We had one of the few fights in our marriage about his affair, but nothing was ever resolved. I suspect he's still in contact with her, but I can't prove it. He has never apologized for his behavior. Otherwise, he has been a good husband. He is sick himself now, and I don't feel right about leaving him. Any thoughts? -- NOT RIGHT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NOT RIGHT: Under the circumstances, you are a nicer woman than he deserves. If you feel you should stay with him until death -- or recovery -- I respect you for it. However, if you are one of those caring individuals who expends so much time and energy that doing it could hurt your own health, I think you're entitled to spend as much time as you need taking care of yourself.

DEAR ABBY: A friend blew me off after a 35-year friendship. I've no idea why -- just a very hurtful, nasty message. Over the years, we had many ups and downs, but we always made up. Now it has been almost two years since I heard from her.

Last week, for my birthday, she tried to contact me, but I have her blocked. She contacted my sister and said she wants to bury the hatchet. I said, "WHERE? IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD?" I haven't contacted her yet and am not sure I want to. She hurt me badly. I cried for so long. She was my best friend. I knew she wasn't perfect. She is the original Drama Queen, but we were still closer than most sisters.

I would at least like to know what made her blow us apart. Should I contact her? My pastor gave a sermon on forgive and forget, but I don't know if I can do either. -- FOE OR FRIEND IN ILLINOIS

DEAR FOE OR FRIEND: Contact the woman and get your questions answered. After that, you can decide whether the estrangement is healthier for you than her drama.

As to your pastor's sermon, I believe that while people should forgive, they should never forget.

DEAR ABBY: We're a senior couple who have been together 20 years. My wife and I have a date night twice a week. I feel our physical intimacy melds our spirits and souls together. But lately my wife's new rule is, "Don't bother me while my TV programs are on!" When I told her I feel her programs are more important to her than I am, she got upset. So did I. Nothing's been the same since. What's your take on this? -- OLD GULF COAST LOVER

DEAR LOVER: My take is that you should reschedule your date nights to ones that don't conflict with your wife's favorite TV shows, or invest in a digital video recorder so your wife doesn't miss her programs and you don't miss a trick.