DEAR ABBY: I am an 83-year-old mother of four. I have been living with my second husband now for 21 years. Nineteen years ago, my husband loaned one of my daughters and her husband a large sum of money so they could buy a house and pay off bills and judgments. All the necessary paperwork for the loan was signed at the time of the closing with a lawyer present, and it was agreed they would pay us back a certain amount every month.

After a few years of mostly regular repayments, the payments dwindled, although they continued to buy expensive electronics and other items. Several years have passed now, and a few checks and cash payments have arrived, but only after much begging.

Our lawyer sent them a letter a few years ago telling them to pay up or we would sue them. It resulted in their not seeing or talking to us for a couple of years. We really need the money now. Maybe she's hoping we will die. What do you suggest we do at this point? Her brother and sisters don't want to get involved. -- LOVING, GIVING MOM

DEAR MOM: I am truly sorry. But because your other children refuse to become involved in convincing your deadbeat daughter and her husband to pay what they owe you, you have no other choice but to contact the lawyer who drafted the loan agreement and instruct him to follow through.

DEAR ABBY: My husband retired four years ago. At first he seemed to enjoy not having to go to work. Then he got bored and needed something to do. For some reason, he bought an old Corvette to restore. I was supportive, until I found out it's an expensive hobby. Finding and buying all the replacement parts costs money.

He has been working on that car for 3 1/2 years now. As soon as he gets it ready to drive, something else breaks. Meanwhile, he has bought four more old Corvettes "to work on." Our backyard looks like a junkyard.

We haven't had a vacation trip since he retired, not even a weekend to the mountains. He argues that we can't afford it, but he spends thousands on those old cars. It has become an obsession for him, and it's "driving" ME crazy. Any suggestions? -- CORVETTE WIDOW IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WIDOW: Healthy couples discuss large purchases before making them. What your husband is doing is destructive to your relationship. It almost seems as though he is using his hobby as a way of avoiding spending time with you. My suggestion is that you and your husband find the money to consult a marriage counselor because what's going on is unfair to you. And if you need a vacation, consider taking one by yourself or with a friend.

DEAR ABBY: I will be turning 50 soon. How do I explain to my husband and parents that I just want to spend it alone? Is there something wrong with me for feeling this way? -- BIRTHDAY WISH IN IOWA

DEAR BIRTHDAY WISH: People react to their birthdays, especially milestone birthdays, differently. Some are elated, while others feel depressed. Not everyone wants a lot of "hoopla." If you prefer spending your 50th birthday quietly, your wish should be respected, and you should not have to go into a long explanation about why.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30-plus years cheated on me several years ago with one of his young private students. In our state, she would have been underage, but she was living in an adjacent state with different laws. I had just finished six months of nursing his mom to heaven. She had Alzheimer's, and he did very little to help.

We had one of the few fights in our marriage about his affair, but nothing was ever resolved. I suspect he's still in contact with her, but I can't prove it. He has never apologized for his behavior. Otherwise, he has been a good husband. He is sick himself now, and I don't feel right about leaving him. Any thoughts? -- NOT RIGHT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NOT RIGHT: Under the circumstances, you are a nicer woman than he deserves. If you feel you should stay with him until death -- or recovery -- I respect you for it. However, if you are one of those caring individuals who expends so much time and energy that doing it could hurt your own health, I think you're entitled to spend as much time as you need taking care of yourself.

DEAR ABBY: A friend blew me off after a 35-year friendship. I've no idea why -- just a very hurtful, nasty message. Over the years, we had many ups and downs, but we always made up. Now it has been almost two years since I heard from her.

Last week, for my birthday, she tried to contact me, but I have her blocked. She contacted my sister and said she wants to bury the hatchet. I said, "WHERE? IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD?" I haven't contacted her yet and am not sure I want to. She hurt me badly. I cried for so long. She was my best friend. I knew she wasn't perfect. She is the original Drama Queen, but we were still closer than most sisters.

I would at least like to know what made her blow us apart. Should I contact her? My pastor gave a sermon on forgive and forget, but I don't know if I can do either. -- FOE OR FRIEND IN ILLINOIS

DEAR FOE OR FRIEND: Contact the woman and get your questions answered. After that, you can decide whether the estrangement is healthier for you than her drama.

As to your pastor's sermon, I believe that while people should forgive, they should never forget.

DEAR ABBY: After an abusive relationship ended 14 years ago, I stayed single and raised my small son to adulthood. I dated here and there, but never found anyone I had serious feelings for who also felt the same way about me until seven months ago.

My feelings for my boyfriend are strong, and it's mutual. He is giving, kind, caring, hardworking and protective. We are very much in love. He tells me he feels like he can be himself around me, something he has never had before. I've never had anyone care so much about my well-being.

We talk about everything and differ on only one point so far. I'm in education and an LGBTQ ally. He feels strongly that nature dictates that only a man and a woman belong together, and he says he hates gay people. (We both grew up in very small, conservative communities.)

Now that my son is older, I plan to use my experiences to be a stronger voice on education issues regarding tolerance and improving learning outcomes for all by instilling conflict resolution principles in my educational practices. I'm not changing my view on this, but I want to continue for us to love and support each other.

Should I tell my boyfriend I understand where he's coming from based upon where and how we were raised? Do you think down the road our basic principles will drive us apart? We have been talking about buying a house in the country together, although neither of us has intentions of marriage anytime soon. -- HESITATING IN ILLINOIS

DEAR HESITATING: You should absolutely talk to your boyfriend about your plan to become an outspoken LGBTQ ally and more active in your profession. When you become more visible, do you plan to separate your career and your personal life? It appears you are willing (and able) to respect him, and understand why he feels the way he does. But is he willing to do the same for you, and will his conservative convictions negatively affect how you plan to live your life?

It is very important that this issue be resolved before investing in real estate with him -- as well as any more precious time. A professional mediator may be able to help with the conversation if you can't do this by yourselves.

DEAR ABBY: My two grandchildren, 12 and 16, used to spend a lot of time with my husband and me, staying overnight, going on trips, etc. As they have gotten older, I recognize that they will naturally want to spend less time with us old folks.

My problem is, when I send them texts to invite them for lunch or out somewhere for the day, they don't respond or just respond with an IDK (I don't know). My question: Should I ask again to get an answer before the scheduled lunch or trip, or should I just forget it and assume they don't want to be involved with us? -- SAD MEMAW IN FLORIDA

DEAR SAD: You have asked an intelligent question, but you are asking the wrong person. The people you should be asking are your grandchildren, and when you do, it should be face-to-face.