DEAR ABBY: I coordinated and paid for a 70th birthday party for my terminally ill husband. Fourteen people were invited, and seven of them were related to my only sister, "Carla."

During the dinner, her husband was rude to the waitress and at the end of the party was screaming and yelling at Carla over the valet parking ticket. As they left the restaurant, he shoved her. He then got in their car and left my sister and her stepdaughters (from a previous marriage) standing there. They had to order a rideshare to get home.

I texted her later to be sure she and the girls had arrived safely. She said yes and told me she would talk to me the next day. When I didn't hear from her, I followed up. The next time we talked, she acted like nothing had happened! When I pursued the discussion and asked what prompted his strange behavior, she said, "I don't know what to tell you." I said, "You don't know?" and she replied, "I didn't say that. I said I don't know what to tell you."

After a lengthy discussion, I told her that unless we had some assurance that the incident wouldn't be repeated, we didn't want to see her husband again. She said it wouldn't be a problem. I have invited her to numerous family events, and she comes solo, but now she is blaming me for "tearing the family apart." What can I do now, if anything? -- IN A MESS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IN A MESS: Your sister is apparently married to an abuser with a short fuse and has resigned herself to it. She has my sympathy, but she should not blame you for any of it. She could really use some help from a support group for abused partners, because things will not get better. If you prefer not to see her horror of a husband, stand your ground and do not allow yourself to be guilted or coerced into it. He owes all of you an apology.

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to a wonderful, sweet, hard-working 30-year-old man. We get along well and make each other happy. The trouble is how he comes across to others. He is so eager to be friends that he opens up much too quickly, revealing and venting about things like his work problems. It makes people uncomfortable.

He has been called out on it several times by various people (some even straight-up called him "creepy"), and he will stop for a while. But he falls into the same pattern the next time he meets somebody new. This whole thing is made worse by his anxiety; when someone calls him out on this behavior, he experiences crippling panic attacks. They cause him to apologize profusely, which only exacerbates the problem.

He refuses to seek therapy or treatment for his anxiety. I am at a loss about how to help him, other than listen to his troubles and offer support when I can. What should I do? -- CHALLENGED FIANCEE

DEAR FIANCEE: Your fiance may be a great guy, but unless you want to spend your life with a partner who refuses to get help for his emotional problems and doesn't seem to learn from his mistakes, it may be time to step back and reevaluate this relationship. Much as you would like to, you can't fix what's wrong with him. Only he can do that. If you marry him, the chances are you will wind up as socially isolated as he is. What a shame.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 16 and have had trouble with romance for as long as I can remember. I've had almost 80 crushes since kindergarten. I counted.

Right now I am close to a relationship with a boy at my school who is a year older. I have had feelings for "Ben" for almost a year, and I found it was mutual a few months ago. He invited me to coffee but later canceled, explaining that he wasn't emotionally prepared, which was clear. He feels the way he does for a reason. Ben is a transgender male, and his mother disapproves, as do many of our classmates.

Two months ago, we agreed to be "just friends ... for now." Since then, no feelings have changed for either of us. However, I know Ben still isn't ready, largely because of his mother's and his classmates' influence.

I'm getting impatient. I've been in relationships before, the middle-school kind, and I know how my brain functions. Right now, I worry obsessively about how he feels. This will subside after a real relationship starts. But before that happens, the issue is all-consuming. I constantly rehash concerns we need to talk about in my mind, and I don't know how to ignore them until we can speak again. It makes my grades suffer.

I blame Ben's mother and classmates for the stress he's under. They're the reason for his dysphoria and panic attacks. I'm angry. I want her to leave her son alone. How can I wait peacefully and get over my bitterness toward his mother? -- CRUSHING TEEN IN OHIO

DEAR TEEN: Anger, frustration and bitterness can make people sick. You need to find ways to get your mind off this budding romance and channel these negative emotions, if only because Ben isn't ready for what you have in mind. Bear in mind that he is on a long and complicated journey. (Give him props for honesty.) Then buckle down and concentrate on your schoolwork, find a sport or other activity you can involve yourself in and, if your school doesn't have a Genders and Sexualities Alliance, consider going online to gsanetwork.org and starting one at your school.

DEAR ABBY: I work in the medical field in a family practice. I love my job and helping people, but the problem is, my boss never tells the truth to our patients and overcharges them anytime he gets a chance. The sicker the patient, the more heartless he is with them. He has told some patients that we, the assistants, told him they owe him money.

It has reached a point where I cannot handle it anymore. Knowing that I see everything he does, he now can't stand me and constantly criticizes everything I do. He has become verbally aggressive and abusive.

I know this is unhealthy for me. I have insomnia because of it, and when I do get to sleep, I have nightmares about this situation. Abby, please help me because I do not know what service to contact to make a complaint against him. -- SCARED IN GEORGIA

DEAR SCARED: Document everything you have observed. Then talk to your local police about possible fraud being committed by your employer. Next, contact your state medical board and report what has been going on at the expense of the patients. If these patients are senior citizens, reach out to your Area Agency on Aging (aging.georgia.gov/locations), because the "good doctor" may be committing elder abuse, which could land him in the prison system.

DEAR ABBY: I have carried a worn clipping of your "Definition of Maturity" with me for many years because it has been inspirational to me. I even gave a copy of it to my younger brother.

Is it part of one of your publications? I feel it is relevant today because both the young and old could use a lesson in respect and self-respect. Can you reprint it? -- FRANCES IN DALLAS

DEAR FRANCES: With pleasure! Here it is:

DEFINITION OF MATURITY

Maturity is:

The ability to stick with a job until it's finished.

The ability to do a job without being supervised.

The ability to carry money without spending it.

And the ability to bear an injustice without wanting

To get even.

This definition of maturity is included in my booklet "Keepers," a compilation of humorous and inspirational items -- poems and short essays -- that readers have asked me to include in my column because they held special meaning for them. Many, like you, also have said they kept the articles until they were worn and yellowed with age. Many readers suggested the articles be put together in a booklet. Filled with clever observations, "Keepers'" subjects are diverse, covering a variety of topics, including parenting, children, aging, animals, forgiveness, etc. My booklet can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Filled with down-to-earth nuggets of wisdom, both witty and philosophical, the "Keepers" booklet is an inexpensive, welcome gift for newly married couples, pet lovers or anyone recovering from an illness. It's also an inspiring, positive, quick and easy read for anyone who could use a lift!

DEAR ABBY: I've been friends with "Brenda" for nearly 40 years. We've had our share of tough times, but I've always been a good friend to her even though it felt one-sided. The last straw for me was a few months ago, when I had major surgery.

I didn't hear from her for three weeks, and when she did call, she talked about her life the whole time and showed no interest in how I was doing. Brenda has now had major surgery. Two weeks have gone by, and I haven't called her. I want her to have a taste of her own selfish medicine.

I have been upfront with her in the past that she hasn't always been there for me. She apologizes but nothing changes. Am I being too sensitive about her lack of caring about anyone but herself? -- OVER IT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR OVER IT: I don't think so. But if you step back and review your relationship with Brenda, you will realize that it has always been this way. Perhaps it's time to reevaluate whether maintaining the kind of relationship you have with her is worth the effort because, after 40 years, she isn't going to change. Either accept her as she is or move on.