DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are not on the same page about helping with the grandkids. We moved here six years ago to be closer to my daughter, her husband and their two daughters. The older one is 9, and the younger is 6.

Although the 6-year-old has multiple physical challenges and developmental delays, our son-in-law thinks "we" babysit far too often. My intention is to help my daughter with the challenges that a special needs child presents to the family. Mostly, I am the one providing the care; my husband does the minimum.

Every time I agree to watch the children, I feel huge stress because I know my son-in-law will complain about it. It's tearing me apart. Thank you for listening. Just writing this helps. -- HELPING IN THE EAST

DEAR HELPING: I agree that parenting a child with special needs is challenging. You are a loving, caring mother and grandmother, but this is something your daughter and her husband have to reach a meeting of the minds about. The last thing she needs is dissension in her household. Counseling for them might help your son-in-law understand that your daughter's health might be compromised if she does everything herself. Some sort of compromise about your level of involvement could be key.

As to your husband, I'm not sure what more you think he should be doing. He agreed to move closer to your daughter so you could help her. It has to have been disruptive for him. Please give him points for that, because I do.

DEAR ABBY: I have a couple of weddings coming up, and I have a small dilemma. They are both in my husband's family and only a month apart. One is his brother's, and the other is his cousin's. My question is, can I wear the same dress to both weddings?

I normally don't care about what people think, but I also don't want to be the subject of ridicule or scorn at a family event. I'll also add, it's not about financial concerns. It's just that it's a beautiful dress, and I really don't see the point in going out and getting another fancy dress. I worry about pictures at both weddings. I guess I'm confused and could really use some advice. -- BEAUTIFUL DRESS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR BEAUTIFUL DRESS: You are not a Hollywood actress during awards season, who "must" have a radically different look for each ceremony. Your family weddings are special events, but there is no reason you can't use the dress you have in mind for both. If you're afraid it may cause a problem in wedding photos, consider accessorizing your dress differently for each one -- gold jewelry for the first, silver for the second and a different colored shawl or wrap. I'm sure you can pull this off. Please write back and let me know.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY IRISH FRIENDS:

May you always have

A sunbeam to warm you

Good luck to charm you

And a sheltering angel

So nothing can harm you.

Laughter to cheer you

Faithful friends near you

And whenever you pray,

Heaven to hear you.

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY! -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I had a miscarriage. The guy was nothing more than a fling. We were careful and never did anything without protection, but it happened anyway.

I have now been in a relationship with a really great guy for four months. I said I wanted to take it slow, and he has been very supportive, but we are both getting antsy to move to the next step of intimacy. My problem is, I can't seem to stop having anxiety attacks when I think about the possibility of getting pregnant again, even using two forms of birth control. Neither of us wants kids now or in the future. How do I get past this fear? -- WORRIED IN WYOMING

DEAR WORRIED: A way to do that would be to talk to your doctor or pharmacist about what your options would be for using a long-term form of birth control such as a slow-release implant or an IUD.

If your state had a Planned Parenthood clinic nearby, I would normally recommend going there. However, when I checked online, I was shocked to discover there is no longer a clinic in your entire state, which means you may have to go as far as Colorado to find one.

DEAR ABBY: I am increasingly frustrated with a colleague's daily demeanor. She's a supervisor in my department, although I no longer report directly to her. But my office is adjacent to hers, and I see her frequently.

Every day when she arrives, I greet her with my standard, "Good morning, how are you?" and she replies with a heavy sigh and some vague remark about how tired she is or some other general complaint. Even if I don't ask about her welfare, she will still offer the same negative remarks. She does this with other co-workers as well. Is there an effective response I can offer that would help her to reframe, or at least stop with the heavy martyrdom? -- TIRED OF HEARING IT

DEAR TIRED: Because she constantly volunteers (with a heavy sigh) that she's "tired," consider pointing out that she has been saying this same thing for a long time and suggest she consult a doctor about it. The one thing you should definitely stop doing is personalizing it the way it appears you do.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, a successful attorney, and I are in our 50s and have been married 10 years. He is an educated man. The problem: He does not like to wash his hands.

I often ask him to please wash his hands when he exits the bathroom, but he refuses. He sees no problem with it. He also has no problem sticking his bare hands in the candy jar or any other dish with food in it. Not only is this unsanitary, but I find it disgusting.

What are your thoughts? I've done away with the candy jar, but this happens at dinner, too. -- WASH UP! IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WASH: Your husband should wash his hands after using the bathroom, if only out of respect for your feelings. That he refuses speaks volumes about him. I would suggest having sanitary wipes on your dinner table, but he would probably refuse to use them.

Doing away with the candy dish was smart. Now it's time to plate your husband's food for him in the kitchen so that his fingers won't touch the communal food. And if he pitches a fit, plate your own so he can't touch it.

DEAR ABBY: My wife's family drops by our home several times a week, usually unannounced. I don't mind them dropping in, but what does bother me is they bring their kids and expect us to feed them during the visits. It has gotten to the point that I hide our snacks and beverages in the bedroom because if I leave them in the cupboard, they disappear. They often end up eating the leftovers I had planned to be my lunch for the next day.

I have talked with my wife several times about this situation. She agrees with me, but she says there's nothing she can do about it. I wasn't brought up that way. I would never think of going to someone's home, opening up cupboards and helping myself to food without an invitation. Also, I'm retired and on a fixed income. Am I overreacting, and must I just keep my mouth shut? -- FRUSTRATED IN THE WEST

DEAR FRUSTRATED: This is your wife's family, and she is the one who should deal with this. All she has to say is she would appreciate it if her relatives ASK when they'd like some food or drinks because their foraging through your cupboards has created a problem for the two of you.

DEAR ABBY: For the past few years I have encountered a problem with cashiers in stores. I pay with cash and generally have change coming back to me. When the cashiers return my change, they hand it back in one big wad along with the receipt. When this happens, I must stop, lay everything down on the counter and separate the different denominations. Then I have to place the different bills into my wallet.

I have tried asking them to place the receipt into the bag, but they usually don't listen. Also, some of them reach for the next customer while I'm still putting my change away. It is so frustrating! Is there something I can do differently? -- BOTHERED IN MARSHALL, TEXAS

DEAR BOTHERED: I have two suggestions. The first is to discuss your concerns with the store manager. The second is to shop elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: I want to thank people who are kind, generous, big-hearted and considerate. Those unsung heroes deserve all the kudos we can give them, and they rarely receive the praise they are due. It would be a lot more difficult to get through life without folks like them. I don't think I'd be alive today if not for the kindness they have shown me. To each and every one of you: From the bottom of my heart -- thank you! -- HELPED BEYOND MEASURE IN NEVADA

DEAR HELPED: I am glad you took the time to write to point out that good manners and compassion are alive and well, and demonstrated every day. Yes, there are individuals who are self-centered and others who were never taught the values you mentioned -- but many times I encounter individuals who practice the virtues you are lauding. Extending kindness to someone is beneficial not only for the recipient, but for the giver as well.