DEAR ABBY: My wife's family drops by our home several times a week, usually unannounced. I don't mind them dropping in, but what does bother me is they bring their kids and expect us to feed them during the visits. It has gotten to the point that I hide our snacks and beverages in the bedroom because if I leave them in the cupboard, they disappear. They often end up eating the leftovers I had planned to be my lunch for the next day.

I have talked with my wife several times about this situation. She agrees with me, but she says there's nothing she can do about it. I wasn't brought up that way. I would never think of going to someone's home, opening up cupboards and helping myself to food without an invitation. Also, I'm retired and on a fixed income. Am I overreacting, and must I just keep my mouth shut? -- FRUSTRATED IN THE WEST

DEAR FRUSTRATED: This is your wife's family, and she is the one who should deal with this. All she has to say is she would appreciate it if her relatives ASK when they'd like some food or drinks because their foraging through your cupboards has created a problem for the two of you.

DEAR ABBY: For the past few years I have encountered a problem with cashiers in stores. I pay with cash and generally have change coming back to me. When the cashiers return my change, they hand it back in one big wad along with the receipt. When this happens, I must stop, lay everything down on the counter and separate the different denominations. Then I have to place the different bills into my wallet.

I have tried asking them to place the receipt into the bag, but they usually don't listen. Also, some of them reach for the next customer while I'm still putting my change away. It is so frustrating! Is there something I can do differently? -- BOTHERED IN MARSHALL, TEXAS

DEAR BOTHERED: I have two suggestions. The first is to discuss your concerns with the store manager. The second is to shop elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: I want to thank people who are kind, generous, big-hearted and considerate. Those unsung heroes deserve all the kudos we can give them, and they rarely receive the praise they are due. It would be a lot more difficult to get through life without folks like them. I don't think I'd be alive today if not for the kindness they have shown me. To each and every one of you: From the bottom of my heart -- thank you! -- HELPED BEYOND MEASURE IN NEVADA

DEAR HELPED: I am glad you took the time to write to point out that good manners and compassion are alive and well, and demonstrated every day. Yes, there are individuals who are self-centered and others who were never taught the values you mentioned -- but many times I encounter individuals who practice the virtues you are lauding. Extending kindness to someone is beneficial not only for the recipient, but for the giver as well.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 30 years. I recently retired, and we are planning a cruise to Europe and a two-month stay, returning on the same cruise line. The cruise line is rather posh, and travelers are asked to "dress appropriately" -- which means, essentially, men should wear a jacket to dinner (no tie required).

My husband is balking at the idea he should have to wear a jacket on his vacation and now says he won't go. Abby, we have already invested several hundreds of dollars in deposits, so what do I do? I'd rather not spend 14 days at sea with a husband whining over wearing a jacket for 30 minutes a day and end up dining alone (we reserved a table for two so we wouldn't be stuck making small talk). We are cruising because he will not fly. -- TEXAS WIFE

DEAR TEXAS WIFE: You have already accommodated your husband by booking a cruise instead of flying. Could his problem be that his jackets no longer fit him? If that's the case, buy him one that does. However, if his objection is that he really doesn't want to go, why not take your husband up on his offer to stay home and ask one of your girlfriends to accompany you? Then all three of you might have a better time.

DEAR ABBY: I am 61 and dating a 63-year-old man, "Charles." I live in my own apartment, pay my own bills, and I like and enjoy life. Charles is constantly over at my apartment and ends up falling asleep for hours at a time. It irritates me when he sleeps six, seven and even eight hours at my place. I feel he has a place of his own, and he should be doing that there.

He has told me numerous times that he doesn't feel safe at his apartment because of the neighborhood. He says that is why he is spending time with me. I like my alone time, which I don't have often. Prior to him, I wasn't in a relationship for seven years.

I feel that Charles is needy. Am I being unreasonable? I don't think I am, and it always ends up in an argument. If you could please give me some advice, I would appreciate your input. -- NOT HOTEL ACCOMMODATIONS

DEAR NOT HOTEL: Wake up and smell the coffee. Charles told you he spends all that time with you because he doesn't feel safe in his apartment, not because he loves your company so much he cannot stay away. What did he do before he met you?

From where I sit, it appears he's angling to move in. It isn't unreasonable to want your own space, particularly if you are the one paying for it, while he snores away the hours. If the status quo isn't what you want, it is up to you to change it.

DEAR ABBY: In class, I sit next to a girl who is constantly telling me that she likes the way I smell. I don't know if she's flirting with me or actually likes my cologne. She is making me very self-conscious. Should I confront her or tell my teacher? Or should I drop out and move to Alaska? I'm scared. -- READY TO MOVE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR READY TO MOVE: Your classmate is trying to pay you a compliment. Tell her the name of your cologne and where she can buy some, if you are wearing any. As to moving out of state, that smells very unnecessary to me.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an adoptive mother who has had more than my fair share of inappropriate comments directed at me and my children. They usually come from strangers or acquaintances. I'm about up to here with them, so I thought I would write you about etiquette for interacting with adoptive families:

Though we may stand out to you, we think of ourselves as a family like any other. Please do not start a conversation with us that has the sole purpose of pointing out the obvious. Remember that my children have ears.

Please do not ask questions in front of them about them or their adoption. Don't ask in private unless you are a close friend. Better yet, let me broach the subject.

Please do not ALWAYS comment on my daughters' hair. Yes, it is nicely braided and decorated with beautiful beads. But isn't there something else you can say about them? Maybe just once? And please don't talk in front of them about how hard it must be for me to do their hair. I LOVE braiding it.

Please don't say I am a saint for adopting them. I chose to adopt because I never wanted to have biological children. And please don't say how nice it is for me to love them so much. Why would you expect that I wouldn't love my children?

Please do not pity my children. They have amazing lives, are fiercely loved and have bright futures ahead. And please do not introduce me to others as someone "who has adopted two girls from Africa." Because my daughters are black does not mean they are from Africa! I would much prefer you simply say, "Anne has two 8-year-old daughters."

And last, please remember that you and I are both people who love our families, and we have more in common than you might think. -- ANNE FROM CALIFORNIA

DEAR ANNE: Thank you for a great letter. Sometimes well-meaning people simply don't think about the impact their words can have when they begin a conversation. I hope my readers will take your words to heart because they are valid.

DEAR ABBY: While separating photographs after my divorce from my wife, I found some photographs of relatives' and friends' weddings. Is there any protocol on what to do with them? In some cases, the marriages (and friendships) have ended, so I assume I should just dispose of them, correct? I will send my ex-wife any photos of her and her family, but none that include my family. Is this the right way to go?

We don't live in the same area anymore, and our families were never close. I would be interested to hear what you think should be done with family photos that include me, my ex-wife and our children. Should they go just to the children? I am in a new committed relationship, and I do not wish to keep any photos of my ex for any reason. Can you please help? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN NEW YORK

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: Send the family pictures to your children and instruct them to share them with your ex if she would like to have them. If you still have a relationship with the friends and relatives, inform them that you found the photos and ask if they would like to have them. That would be the considerate thing to do.