DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have a 45-year-old nephew who married for the first time two years ago. Before that, he was engaged to a woman I'll call Anita for two years. We assumed the reason for their breakup was she wanted children, and he did not. Last year, we attended Anita's wedding, as we are still friendly with her.

Our nephew was, and still is, furious with us for going. He claims "only 5% of people attend one's ex's wedding." He says we should have been loyal to him and abstained because Anita was a "vicious, lying, rumormonger."

He still emails and calls us, ranting and raving to the point that we might lose the relationship with him forever. We feel we did nothing wrong and were not obligated to get his permission to attend that wedding. What do you think? -- BIG SIN IN OREGON

DEAR "BIG SIN": I think you were right to attend Anita's wedding, in light of the fact that you are still friendly. You didn't need your nephew's permission. I seriously doubt his breakup with Anita had anything to do with whether she and your nephew disagreed about having children. More likely it had everything to do with the fact that your nephew is stubborn and behaves irrationally.

DEAR ABBY: My wife has no friends of her own and no hobbies. She's miserable most of the time, and happiness with her seems fleeting. I think she needs to see a counselor, but she refuses. In couples counseling, when the counselor pushed her on her issues, she quit.

I realize now that she is able to hide these issues from everyday acquaintances. But we have a 1-year-old daughter, and I'm certain that as she gets older, she'll see these issues as well. What do I do? -- LOOKING FORWARD IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR LOOKING: Whether your wife has postpartum depression or longstanding mental health issues I can't guess, but something is not right with her. I think it could benefit you greatly if YOU go back to that counselor, if only to ask for advice on how to handle this situation and provide as healthy an environment for your daughter to grow up in as possible.

DEAR ABBY: I am having issues with one of my good friends. When we hang out one-on-one, she's great. We laugh at just about everything and agree on a lot of different topics. However, when we hang out with other people, it's a different story. It seems as though all attention needs to be on her. It's not something I'm jealous of. It's more an uncomfortable feeling for everyone else. She's almost like a 4-year-old who needs constant attention and all eyes on her.

I enjoy hanging out with her when it's just us because I don't see this side of her, but in groups or even with one other person, it's like it's her world and we are just living in it. We are planning a trip soon, and I feel hesitant about being with her for long periods of time. -- WEARING THIN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WEARING THIN: I'm puzzled as to why, knowing your friend behaves the way she does, you would be planning a trip with her. Unless it's a road trip -- just the two of you -- I think it could end the friendship. Considering who she is, the less time you spend in groups larger than two, the better.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 30 years. I still work full time, and my husband is now retired. We have had issues during most of our marriage, mainly concerning his not getting enough sex. A couple of times a week isn't sufficient.

In the past, he looked at porn a lot. He likes to take pictures of me that he stores on his phone, wants me to wear seductive clothing when we go out and demands that I send him naked pictures of myself from work. It makes me very uncomfortable, but he gets angry when I don't play his game.

He tells me often that I am no fun. When he gets angry, he says I am not sexy enough, too fat, not smart enough, etc. Yes, we have gone to marriage counseling in the past, and I have gone to counseling alone.

I've tried to learn to cope with living with him because I really don't want to divorce and destroy our family unit. We have three grown children, and in the past he bullied our only son for not being the best sports player he could be, even though he excelled.

I would like to retire soon, but now I wonder if he expects me to be his entertainment once I do. He has no hobbies. Do you have any advice? -- PLAYTHING IN TEXAS

DEAR PLAYTHING: I am amazed you were willing to tolerate your husband's criticism and abuse for the length of time you have. Not once in your letter did you mention a single positive trait in the man. You wish to keep together a family that your husband has eroded.

My first tidbit of advice is this: Go back to counseling! If you actually plan to live out your life this way, you will need every ounce of support you can pay for. My second tidbit would be to talk to a lawyer. You may want to keep the family unit intact, but the price seems exorbitant to me.

DEAR ABBY: I have a very close friend, "Sandy." Sandy and I talk about everything. She suffers from bi-polar disorder, which, for the most part, is controlled. However, she has hit a downswing.

A few months ago, she volunteered to start babysitting my child, one evening a week for a few hours. Sandy has never had the first complaint about my child or her behavior. Recently, she came over for a visit and unloaded on me. She said she finds my child annoying, that my child has a problem listening and constantly interrupts and complains. I was completely taken aback. Abby, I have never received complaints about my child's behavior, and over the course of the months, Sandy never indicated that something was wrong.

I have been a great friend to her, always welcoming her in my home and helping however I can. I don't know what to do. I am hurt and angry. I feel like she just barged in and insulted my kid. I'm no longer sure I want to remain close to her because of this. Is this characteristic of bi-polar disorder? How do I express my feelings to her without risking having her fly off the handle? Please help! -- HARSH WORDS IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HARSH WORDS: Not having met your child, I am not going to weigh in on whether what Sandy said was a slight. She may have been conveying something she thought you needed to know.

That said, because Sandy finds your child annoying, she should no longer babysit for you. All children interrupt at one point or another. They don't always behave perfectly. I hope you won't take what Sandy told you as an insult worthy of ending a longtime friendship over, particularly knowing the woman has mood swings and has been cycling down.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Cynthia," and I are a middle-aged couple who have been married four years. Shortly after our wedding, she suffered a stroke during a heart transplant. After she returned home from the hospital, a "friend" told her I was having an affair (I wasn't). Without telling me why, Cynthia threw me out of the house and returned to a distant state to be near her family. She had most of her belongings shipped there.

After I presented proof of my innocence a year later, we reconciled. The first couple of years of marriage were chaotic, and I know I wasn't perfect. But I did the best I could and stood by her throughout the medical ordeal.

Now, Cynthia is saying I should have to pay to have her items shipped back simply because I'm "the man." Abby, we have roughly the same income due to pensions. We have always kept our finances separate. I think she should pay to have her own items returned because she is the one who shipped them over there based on a lie. The money itself isn't the issue; it's the principle. I feel like this is a slap in the face. What do you think? -- MR. NICE GUY

DEAR MR. NICE GUY: You shouldn't have to pay for anything "because you're the man." You didn't cheat, and you aren't responsible for the fact that Cynthia overreacted and ran away the way she did.

You say that until now you have kept your finances separate because you each have your own incomes. My advice is to refuse to be manipulated. Your wife should pay to have her belongings returned, just as she paid to have them sent away without verifying whether the story was true.

DEAR ABBY: When I was a child, my dad told me, "If it weren't for you kids, there are so many things your mother and I could have." What I remember most was the intensity in his voice.

When I was old enough to work, I had a job after school so I could pay for my own clothes although my family wasn't poor. My father repeatedly let me know I was "lucky" I didn't get taken out of school to help support the family. When I graduated from high school at 17, I immediately went to work, and I paid for my board.

I married at 18 to get out of the house and paid for my own wedding. It never even occurred to me to ask for help. When I ended up divorced, I worked my way through college. When I graduated, my mother had to make my father go to my graduation because he didn't want to.

I have never been able to shake the feeling that I don't have a right to anything, and I'm not good enough. My other siblings are a mess, too. How do I shake this feeling of not being worthy? -- WORTHLESS IN FLORIDA

DEAR WORTHLESS: Children develop their feelings of self-worth from their parents. It appears at least one of yours was missing in action from the time you were little.

I don't have a magic wand, and I can't make the negative message your father implanted in your head disappear. On the upside, your upbringing made you independent, if only out of necessity. It may take help from a licensed mental health professional to make the scars from the way your father raised you fade.