DEAR ABBY: Fifty years ago, at the age of 17, I was raped by a high school classmate. At the time, I was living in an apartment with a friend, "Becky." She and three male classmates witnessed the attack, stood by and did nothing. (They were drunk.)

I never reported the assault because I was scared, embarrassed and ashamed. No one ever spoke about it, and Becky and I went our separate ways. I eventually married, moved away from my hometown and tried to put the incident behind me.

Fifteen years ago, I moved back and married a local man. I see all those people frequently around town, which reminds me of that terrible night. I don't think it's fair that I have had to live with this for 50 years while the others appear to have forgotten and gone on their merry way. None of them ever apologized or acknowledged their part in the attack. I remember it as vividly as if it were last week.

I would like to confront those involved. A friend suggested I privately confront my attacker. I believe calling out these people will give me peace of mind. My husband and I are planning to move out of the area, so I will never have to see any of them again. Should I confront all of them or just my attacker? Or should I let sleeping dogs lie? -- ASSAULTED IN IDAHO

DEAR ASSAULTED: Before deciding whether to confront these people after 50 years or let sleeping dogs lie, what I think you should do is discuss what happened with a licensed therapist, specifically one who works with patients who have PTSD. Whereas a half-century ago there was a tendency to blame the victims of sexual assault, we have come a long way since then, and help is available for you if you're willing to get it.

A way to find help in making this important decision would be to contact RAINN (rainn.org). The toll-free phone number is 800-656-4673. RAINN is the free, confidential national sexual assault hotline, and it's available 24/7.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a beautiful 77-year-old woman in excellent health who has fun traveling internationally. I will soon be taking my oldest daughter to Europe at my expense because I want a companion.

I'm 19 years older than she is. She also is in great health and has a fun-loving personality. We look like sisters and have fun together wherever we go. However, I don't want her to call me "Mom" while we are out in public places. Can I ask her not to call me that?

She is stubborn and always has been, but I love her and want her around while I'm traveling, rather than friends. She's single, but I'm not. My husband can't go because of health issues.

I need my daughter to go with me. Can you give me some ideas on how to approach her to not call me "Mom" in public? What if she refuses to go with me? -- ONE STIPULATION IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STIPULATION: I can't help but wonder why not being called "Mom" is so important to you. I have read your letter several times, and I'm struck by the fact that it's all about you and what you want. Your daughter is long past 21, and I'm sure she can make her own decisions. You can ask her not to call you "Mom," but whether she will agree and won't forget to not address you that way is anyone's guess. Old habits die hard.

DEAR ABBY: On a recent Saturday afternoon, two of my daughter's 13-year-old friends came to our house. My daughter answered the door, and after being denied access, both pushed their way in.

During their stay, the girls were rude and disrespectful, going through the refrigerator and pantry and helping themselves to whatever they wished. My wife and daughter repeatedly asked them to leave, but the girls laughed and ignored the requests.

What do you suggest in an event such as this without getting physical, as my wife didn't have their parents' phone numbers? (I was away on a work trip during all of this.) -- DISRESPECTED IN OUR HOME

DEAR DISRESPECTED: These are "friends"? Your wife should have done what anyone should do when unwanted intruders burst into one's home. She should have called the police, had the girls removed and filed a formal complaint. She should also have reported the incident to the school, gotten the parents' phone numbers and informed them about what occurred so it doesn't happen to her and your daughter or some other family again. And by the way, your daughter should be taught to never open the door unless she wants to let someone in.

DEAR ABBY: I have managed to tangle myself in a sticky situation. Two close friends of mine have asked me to be a bridesmaid in their weddings.

When "Maya," who has been a huge support system for me the past two years through nursing school, informed me that she would ask me to be a bridesmaid as soon as her "gift" for me came in the mail, I yelped with excitement. However, my childhood friends "Lily" and "Byron" are engaged and have formally asked me to be a bridesmaid in their wedding on the SAME DAY that Maya said she would ask me to be in HER wedding.

Unfortunately, I forgot that Maya's date was the same as Lily's, and I told both of these close friends I would stand beside them on their wedding day. How do I decide whose wedding to attend? -- DESPERATE BRIDESMAID IN VIRGINIA

DEAR BRIDESMAID: Yes, you are in a pickle. Now you must decide who you really want to be with.

Frankly, from what you have written, it seems you are more excited about Maya's nuptials than Lily and Byron's. Technically, you accepted Maya's "almost invitation" before you were invited by Lily and Byron. But you're on your own in determining to whom you're more comfortable giving your regrets and apologies.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years got mad at me and destroyed all my late mother's vintage jewelry. It had been in the family for 70 years. He apologized when I returned home, but I don't think he is sincere. What should I do? -- STOLEN MEMORIES IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STOLEN MEMORIES: Your boyfriend appears to have serious anger management problems. What you should do is realize that the longer you two are together, the greater the chances of him damaging not only more of your property, but also even you. Continue this relationship only if he starts anger management classes. If he refuses, end the romance.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law is his own worst enemy. While my husband and I were dating, we visited his father regularly. Since our marriage, our visits have become less frequent. This is because my husband and I both have demanding jobs, and I am in school. We are BUSY trying to secure a stable life together.

My FIL has taken offense to this. He insists that the real reason we don't visit is because we are angry with him and hate him. We have tried explaining that it isn't so, but he refuses to believe us. He's convinced that he has somehow deeply offended us, and we are refusing to talk about it.

Unfortunately, he obsesses over this every time we DO visit and makes it awkward by guilt-tripping me and my husband, begging us to tell him what he did wrong. He also tries to prevent us from leaving when it's time to go by distracting us with conversation, refusing to see us out the door, and sometimes physically sitting in front of the car so we can't drive off. Neither my husband nor I look forward to visits anymore because they have become such a chore.

My FIL has issues with mental illness (which contribute to his behavior), but he refuses to get help. Worse, he has an elementary school-age child who believes everything he says. The child is convinced we hate and have abandoned them because of hearing my FIL talk. I am frustrated and sad for the child, but my words to my FIL fall on deaf ears. Do you have any advice? -- DAUGHTER-IN-LAW IN THE SOUTH

DEAR D.I.L.: Frankly, I am surprised your FIL is not focusing his entire attention on the child who is living at home rather than obsessing about his adult son and you. The man appears to be not only disturbed but also irrational.

Because your husband has dealt with his father his entire life, take your cues from him. If your father-in-law is currently married (I assume he must be because he has a young child living with him), talking to his wife might help. She may be able to help counteract the damage that is being created with the child.

DEAR ABBY: My son is welcoming his first child at the age of 39, and I will be hosting a baby shower for him and his girlfriend. The problem is, I asked him for a list of attendees, and at the top of the list is someone my son and daughter were friends with since middle school. However, a few years ago, she interfered with my daughter's marriage and caused a lot of heartache, so my daughter cut all ties with her.

My son travels a lot. He is not home often and doesn't know the extent of what happened between my daughter and their mutual friend. I'm not sure how to handle this. Should I not invite her, or should I tell my son what happened and suggest he not invite her out of respect for his sister? Or do I tell my daughter this is about her brother, it's only one get-together, and she needs to respect her brother's wishes?

I'm in the middle and not sure what to do. At one time I was close with this girl, but after what she did to my daughter, I haven't spoken to her either. -- GETTING ALONG IN THE EAST

DEAR GETTING ALONG: Your son may travel a lot, but he has a phone. Call him, fill him in and ask how he and his girlfriend want this handled. I'm betting he will tell you to scratch "Miss Troublemaker" off the list.