DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a friend, "George," who rents our upstairs. Our home is large, and the second floor has all the amenities of a 2,500-square-foot house. He has his separate entrance and never has to come through our living space.

In the beginning, I agreed to the arrangement because he was going through a divorce and needed a place to live. Now, for the past several months, his ex has been spending nights upstairs. We just celebrated the holidays, and his family was here together.

I'm feeling very confused and uncomfortable having them both up there. Now that George seems to have worked through his marital problems, I feel it's time he moves out. My husband doesn't understand why I feel this way and can't understand why I want my house back! Please give me some insight on how to handle this. Or am I overreacting? Please tell me I'm not being selfish. -- BEING USED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BEING USED: You are not selfish, and you're not overreacting. Refresh your husband's memory about how the arrangement began. It was a safe refuge for a friend going through a traumatic life change. Those circumstances no longer apply, and if you are not comfortable with George entertaining his ex under your roof, it is understandable. Communal living is not for everyone.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, my husband booked me and our infant son on a trip to visit some of his family in California. I didn't want to go in the first place because I was, and still am, struggling with postpartum depression, anxiety and stress in our relationship.

I had one request: Do not put me and our infant son in the head-of-the-household's car. My husband's father drives recklessly and shows no regard for human life. Well, of course my husband didn't speak up about it, and we ended up in Mr. Reckless' car. Now I look like "the difficult wife" because I'd rather catch a rideshare or fly back home. Am I being dramatic or overly concerned with safety? -- SAFE OR SORRY IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR SAFE OR SORRY: Overly concerned? It's your job to be concerned with safety. Because your husband failed to speak up didn't mean that you shouldn't have.

As a mother, you are responsible for your baby's safety. You should have expressed that if you and your little one -- in a child seat, I presume -- couldn't travel in someone else's vehicle, you would be taking other transportation. In the future, when visiting your in-laws, this is what you should do.

DEAR ABBY: I have been communicating with this woman that I work with. She is currently seeing a guy she's been with for about four years. We have a clear connection and primal attraction, and have both discussed our feelings with each other. We communicate by texting. There is no communication through phone calls, for obvious reasons. Her man works for the same company but in a different building than we do. It's clear to me that he isn't good enough for her and doesn't know how to elevate himself to her level.

I let her know that if they were to break up, I would want to give it a try, and she said the same. She contacts me when she wants and flirts, but it's always at her convenience and not mine. We have "known" each other for about a year and a half now, and she claims she cares for me. My question to you is, how should I move this situation forward? -- THREE'S A CROWD IN NEW YORK

DEAR CROWD: Try to control your libido and allow me to offer a flash of insight. This woman likes things just the way they are. You may not think her boyfriend is good enough for her and can't "elevate himself to her level," but the woman you have placed on this pedestal is someone who enjoys sneaking behind the back of someone she's been involved with for four years and discusses an exit strategy with a co-worker. Open your eyes. She's not seriously interested in you. She's enjoying a flirtation on her own terms, period. What makes you think you are the only one she does this with?

DEAR ABBY: I have been overweight for half of my life. After many diets, exercises, weight loss and eventually gaining it all back, I'm planning to have gastric sleeve surgery within the next two months, or when my surgeon can place me on his schedule.

I have gone through all of the required office visits with my doctor, but haven't yet made a final decision because I'm so nervous about it. I have not mentioned this to my adult children or my parents. My parents are elderly and probably would hate it and worry, so I don't want them to know. As for my children, they probably won't like it either.

The surgery will mean I'll lose 60 to 70 pounds. Should I say something or wait until it becomes obvious? I'm a private person, and I absolutely don't want any negative or snarky remarks from neighbors or my church family.

Am I being ridiculous, selfish or silly? If I don't tell, how will I explain how I lost the weight without spilling my secret? I may tell everyone later on, but not right now. -- GOT A SECRET IN THE SOUTH

DEAR GOT A SECRET: Wanting to be your best and healthiest self isn't ridiculous, selfish or silly. If you need surgical intervention to conquer your weight issues and your doctors agree, there is no reason to be defensive about it. Attempting to hide a 70-pound weight loss would be like trying to smuggle dawn past a rooster.

As you pointed out, your weight loss will become obvious. When you are asked about it, all you need to say is that now that your weight problem is in the past, you prefer not discussing it, so please don't bring it up again. You may encounter fewer raised eyebrows if, once your doctors allow it, you start doing some walking so you can be seen by others adopting a healthier lifestyle. If you do, people may assume it's the reason you are thinner.

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with "Caroline" for more than 20 years. Her husband is present when they visit us because they live out of state, and when I visit her, he is there. I have been married for 28 years, and my husband doesn't join me when I visit Caroline.

Caroline travels worldwide for work. Her husband has family near me. One time, when he was in town and she was traveling, I invited him to meet me for dinner. He got the wrong idea and thought it was a date behind his wife's back. She knew we were having dinner, but I never revealed to her that he made a pass at me that evening. I corrected him, explained I wasn't trying to start a romance and emphasized I would never do that to my friend.

When I got home that night, my husband asked how dinner went, and I shared what happened. He took it personally. He felt disrespected and told me to tell Caroline. Others I have spoken to about this said don't say anything. This happened a year or two ago.

My husband and I are now invited to the wedding of Caroline's stepdaughter. My husband refuses to go because of what happened. He insists I should tell Caroline and explain why he isn't coming.

I have no feelings whatsoever for her husband and would never engage in anything with him. Their marriage is already rocky. Both have had extramarital affairs, and he said he planned to divorce her last year but hasn't. Should I tell Caroline what happened? -- COVERING UP

DEAR COVERING: I see nothing positive to be gained by telling Caroline at this late date. It's ancient history. Caroline already knows that her husband has cheated in the past. I do not think it would be helpful to rock the boat.

DEAR ABBY: This is a delicate subject for me, one I've never been faced with before. I have been speaking to a really nice guy I met online, and after many weeks of talking, we decided to meet up. It wasn't anyplace special or expensive; it was a lunch spot. I wore jeans and new shoes, and did my hair to look nice for him. We had a pleasant lunch, which he insisted on paying for.

Abby, in his pictures, he is very handsome. In most of them he was well-dressed and -kept. He showed up in a knit ski hat that covered nearly his whole head, and the rest of his attire was wrinkled and sloppy. It was not what I expected for our first date that we had been talking about for a long time.

I'm thinking I may be disappointed because I may have built up expectations in my head. We are talking about a second date, and I'd like to give him another chance to crisp himself up, but I would like to handle it delicately so as not to hurt his feelings. I never thought of myself as judgmental. Am I being unreasonable for wishing my new boyfriend wants to look good for me as I do for him? How do I handle this? -- SECOND THOUGHTS

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Here's how. Recognize that he is not your "new boyfriend"; he is only a candidate for the "job." Go out with him a few more times and get to know him well enough that you can have an honest conversation with him. If he doesn't shape up, at that point, tell him what you told me. Leave out the part about blaming yourself for your feelings. They are honest, and you are entitled to them, and frankly, you might be doing him a favor to speak up.