DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are friendly with two other couples whose children are friends with ours. We live in a fairly small community, and the couples met and began socializing because my husband and I introduced them. It started out with board game nights, progressed to potlucks and holiday events, then eventually a three-family summer vacation. Everyone seemed to get along fine.

Two years into the friendship, it came to my attention that the two other females were getting together "for tea" about once a month, and had been doing so for some time. I won't pretend that it didn't sting. I was surprised that they were socializing without including me, and even more so to realize that they had been doing so "on the sly." It would have been easy to include me, but they repeatedly chose not to. Not only that, they actively hid their tea dates from me.

I realize we are all adults and free to do as we wish, but nothing about their behavior screams "adult" to me. At first, my husband felt my feelings were unwarranted, but the secrecy surrounding their friendship has cast a pall on the couples portion of the friendship. I'm not sure of my place anymore. What do you think, Abby? Am I off base to have hurt feelings on this? -- HURT AND LEFT OUT

DEAR HURT: That you have hurt feelings is understandable. But those women did what they did on the sly because they knew you would react exactly as you have. We talk about different things with different people. You don't own them. They are free to meet if they choose, and it's only once a month.

Because the idea that they visit with each other privately has made you unsure about your status in the friendship, tell them you know and ask why. It couldn't be more damaging to your relationship with them than the status quo, and it might clear the air.

DEAR ABBY: My father, although a well-meaning and caring man, often speaks before he thinks. The way he phrases things can come across as harsh, uncaring or rude. My husband is a sensitive person who was badly bullied in his youth, so he doesn't feel comfortable around my father and takes most things he says as insults. I have tried talking to both of them without success and even involved my stepmom.

My father and stepmom are coming for a visit, and I can't get it through my father's or my husband's heads that the only way for them to get on the same page is to talk. My husband can't understand why I see common ground between him and my father, and my father is too oblivious to realize the depth of the problem. The two most important men in my life cannot communicate. What can I do? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN FLORIDA

DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: Continue to encourage them to talk to each other, but if you're not successful, accept that your father is an insensitive loose cannon who won't change. Limit your parents' visits and keep them short. When you know they're scheduled to be in town, help your husband plan to be out of the house as often as possible. And, if that doesn't work, arrange to visit your parents alone rather than have them visit you. As much as you might want the two men in your life to get along, it just may not be possible.

P.S. If the bullying your husband experienced as a child has affected his other relationships as an adult, he should consider getting therapy. It might change his life for the better.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 45 years. When she moved out of our bedroom, I was shocked. I thought she didn't love me anymore. Then I realized that both our sleeping habits have changed over the years.

She snores, and I toss and turn. She needs the room dark, while I like a night light so I can see while I walk to the bathroom. I wasn't around when my parents got old, so I didn't realize our sleeping arrangement was going to change. We still love each other, but just sleep in different rooms. Is this normal? -- WONDERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: The reason for the change is what's important. In your case, it's not because of discord or lack of love. While I would have suggested your wife try various kinds of sleep masks to block out your night light, your new arrangement is not an indication that there is trouble in your relationship. Many couples do this. So stop worrying about whether this is normal and be glad you have a solution that works.

DEAR ABBY: My brother and sister-in-law own a golden retriever. "Cookie" is their baby. The problem is, I live in a place where I can't have pets, plus I don't have a car. I'm disabled, so it's harder for me to get around.

I would love for my brother and sister-in-law to visit me for a couple of days. We live 2 1/2 hours apart. Well, my brother won't come and stay with me at all. He does visit, but only for about an hour or so because they refuse to put Cookie in a kennel.

What should I say to him without causing him to get mad at me? I feel he's putting that dog first, before his own sister. I miss seeing him and his wife. -- DOGGONE IT IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DOGGONE IT: Your brother and sister-in-law's goldie is also a member of their family. Demanding they put Cookie in a kennel is tantamount to telling them they must put their child in foster care for the duration of their visit with you.

If your brother is willing to drive 2 1/2 hours (each way) to visit with you for a few hours, he is showing his love for you. Can you suggest he arrange for a neighbor to look after Cookie for two days? If not, in the interest of family harmony, stop complaining.

DEAR ABBY: The last of our children has graduated and left the nest. My wife and I are now starting to go through years of boxes, mostly papers and photos. In the process, we have discovered several checks written to us that we never cashed -- mostly for Girl Scout cookies or other fundraising items and birthday gifts for the kids.

The checks are mostly more than 15 years old, but they add up to around $300. Would it be proper to ask the check writers to reissue their checks so long after they were written? We could use the money now. -- QUESTIONING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR QUESTIONING: You should have been more careful with those monetary gifts. To ask that the checks be rewritten after 15 years would be an imposition and likely not well received. Furthermore, if they were intended for your children for birthdays, Christmas, graduations, etc., any replacement checks should be made out to them, not you.

DEAR ABBY: I met my lady on a blind date many years ago. When I knocked on the door, it opened and this beautiful girl was standing there. Thinking I could never be so lucky, I asked, "Is your sister home?" No. She was my date.

We dated for a few months, fell in love and got married. We have had a wonderful 55-year marriage, and it gets sweeter every day. We handle different opinions with courtesy and respect.

I'm 81 now, and hugging and kissing her fills my heart with warmth and happiness. The greatest joy in my life is to love and be loved. I wish everyone the same. -- ECSTATIC IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ECSTATIC: Congratulations on 55 years of happiness. Thank you for sharing your love story with my readers and me. Today, I wish them -- and you and your lovely wife -- a very Happy Valentine's Day.

DEAR ABBY: My sister recently self-published a book that purportedly honors my mother's service in World War II. Her book is completely inaccurate. It is filled with romantic fantasy and historical errors, and cheapens my mother's real service with untruths.

My sister is now busy selling and promoting the book with interviews and book signings. My mother, if she were still alive, would be embarrassed and appalled. I don't want to cause a family feud, but I feel if I remain silent, I'm helping to perpetuate something that is wrong on multiple levels. What, if anything, should I do? -- READING A LOT INTO IT

DEAR READING: I am sure your late mother was an amazing woman whose story didn't need embroidering. It may be a blessing she isn't around to see what your sister has done to it. Because the book is now in print, it's too late to "stop the presses." If you try to discredit what was written, it will very likely cause a rift, and I don't recommend it. Wish your sister luck and cross your fingers that it won't become a bestseller.

DEAR ABBY: My brother lives in another state. He was never a good brother. He has always been self-centered, controlling and condescending. He is no longer in good health. Some time ago, he named me as his power of attorney for financial and health issues. I am elderly and have my own issues, so, should the need arise, it would be difficult for me to travel to where he is.

He has never been open, so I don't know who his health care providers are, who his banker or investment people are, etc., so, even if I were to go, I'd have no idea where to start to act on his behalf and according to his wishes. I don't even know what his wishes are, for that matter.

Because of his caustic personality, he has few friends and no family of his own. How do I resign as his power of attorney so there is no assumption by anyone that I would be a responsible party for him? -- UNABLE IN THE WEST

DEAR UNABLE: Discuss this with your attorney to be sure you have all your i's dotted and your t's crossed. Then write your brother a letter. Explain that because you have no information about his doctors, his wishes about end-of-life planning, his banker or investment adviser -- plus the fact that your own health isn't the greatest -- you hereby resign as his power of attorney. Send the letter via registered mail so he will have to sign for it, and there will be proof that your brother received it.