DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married for 45 years. When she moved out of our bedroom, I was shocked. I thought she didn't love me anymore. Then I realized that both our sleeping habits have changed over the years.

She snores, and I toss and turn. She needs the room dark, while I like a night light so I can see while I walk to the bathroom. I wasn't around when my parents got old, so I didn't realize our sleeping arrangement was going to change. We still love each other, but just sleep in different rooms. Is this normal? -- WONDERING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WONDERING: The reason for the change is what's important. In your case, it's not because of discord or lack of love. While I would have suggested your wife try various kinds of sleep masks to block out your night light, your new arrangement is not an indication that there is trouble in your relationship. Many couples do this. So stop worrying about whether this is normal and be glad you have a solution that works.

DEAR ABBY: My brother and sister-in-law own a golden retriever. "Cookie" is their baby. The problem is, I live in a place where I can't have pets, plus I don't have a car. I'm disabled, so it's harder for me to get around.

I would love for my brother and sister-in-law to visit me for a couple of days. We live 2 1/2 hours apart. Well, my brother won't come and stay with me at all. He does visit, but only for about an hour or so because they refuse to put Cookie in a kennel.

What should I say to him without causing him to get mad at me? I feel he's putting that dog first, before his own sister. I miss seeing him and his wife. -- DOGGONE IT IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DOGGONE IT: Your brother and sister-in-law's goldie is also a member of their family. Demanding they put Cookie in a kennel is tantamount to telling them they must put their child in foster care for the duration of their visit with you.

If your brother is willing to drive 2 1/2 hours (each way) to visit with you for a few hours, he is showing his love for you. Can you suggest he arrange for a neighbor to look after Cookie for two days? If not, in the interest of family harmony, stop complaining.

DEAR ABBY: The last of our children has graduated and left the nest. My wife and I are now starting to go through years of boxes, mostly papers and photos. In the process, we have discovered several checks written to us that we never cashed -- mostly for Girl Scout cookies or other fundraising items and birthday gifts for the kids.

The checks are mostly more than 15 years old, but they add up to around $300. Would it be proper to ask the check writers to reissue their checks so long after they were written? We could use the money now. -- QUESTIONING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR QUESTIONING: You should have been more careful with those monetary gifts. To ask that the checks be rewritten after 15 years would be an imposition and likely not well received. Furthermore, if they were intended for your children for birthdays, Christmas, graduations, etc., any replacement checks should be made out to them, not you.

DEAR ABBY: I met my lady on a blind date many years ago. When I knocked on the door, it opened and this beautiful girl was standing there. Thinking I could never be so lucky, I asked, "Is your sister home?" No. She was my date.

We dated for a few months, fell in love and got married. We have had a wonderful 55-year marriage, and it gets sweeter every day. We handle different opinions with courtesy and respect.

I'm 81 now, and hugging and kissing her fills my heart with warmth and happiness. The greatest joy in my life is to love and be loved. I wish everyone the same. -- ECSTATIC IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ECSTATIC: Congratulations on 55 years of happiness. Thank you for sharing your love story with my readers and me. Today, I wish them -- and you and your lovely wife -- a very Happy Valentine's Day.

DEAR ABBY: My sister recently self-published a book that purportedly honors my mother's service in World War II. Her book is completely inaccurate. It is filled with romantic fantasy and historical errors, and cheapens my mother's real service with untruths.

My sister is now busy selling and promoting the book with interviews and book signings. My mother, if she were still alive, would be embarrassed and appalled. I don't want to cause a family feud, but I feel if I remain silent, I'm helping to perpetuate something that is wrong on multiple levels. What, if anything, should I do? -- READING A LOT INTO IT

DEAR READING: I am sure your late mother was an amazing woman whose story didn't need embroidering. It may be a blessing she isn't around to see what your sister has done to it. Because the book is now in print, it's too late to "stop the presses." If you try to discredit what was written, it will very likely cause a rift, and I don't recommend it. Wish your sister luck and cross your fingers that it won't become a bestseller.

DEAR ABBY: My brother lives in another state. He was never a good brother. He has always been self-centered, controlling and condescending. He is no longer in good health. Some time ago, he named me as his power of attorney for financial and health issues. I am elderly and have my own issues, so, should the need arise, it would be difficult for me to travel to where he is.

He has never been open, so I don't know who his health care providers are, who his banker or investment people are, etc., so, even if I were to go, I'd have no idea where to start to act on his behalf and according to his wishes. I don't even know what his wishes are, for that matter.

Because of his caustic personality, he has few friends and no family of his own. How do I resign as his power of attorney so there is no assumption by anyone that I would be a responsible party for him? -- UNABLE IN THE WEST

DEAR UNABLE: Discuss this with your attorney to be sure you have all your i's dotted and your t's crossed. Then write your brother a letter. Explain that because you have no information about his doctors, his wishes about end-of-life planning, his banker or investment adviser -- plus the fact that your own health isn't the greatest -- you hereby resign as his power of attorney. Send the letter via registered mail so he will have to sign for it, and there will be proof that your brother received it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have an elderly (90-plus) aunt who lives with her son in a town about four hours away. She corresponds by letter with us regularly, and we always write back. However, it has become apparent that she's not receiving our letters because she doesn't make any comments on any of the things we write to tell her about. We suspect that her son is withholding her mail because we have written to him in the past to express our displeasure about how he treats his mother's emotional and safety needs.

In the last letter we received from her, she told us she expected to spend Christmas in her basement apartment while her son and his wife's family have Christmas festivities upstairs. It broke our hearts, but we realize that since we're so far away, there's little we can do. We've tried sending letters without our return address on the envelope, etc. to get past her son's scrutiny, but we really don't believe she's getting her mail.

Should we contact the police or social services to do a wellness check on her, or do you have another suggestion? We know she occasionally goes to a senior center in town. Should we write to her in care of the senior center? Your comments are appreciated. -- SUSPICIOUS IN GEORGIA

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Your relative may be having memory issues, or your fears may be genuine. Is it possible to talk with her on the phone or visit her to make an assessment? If someone suspects that an older person is being physically, emotionally or financially abused, it should be reported so the matter can be investigated. You can do that by contacting Adult Protective Services in your aunt's state or the National Domestic Violence hotline at thehotline.org or 800-799-7233.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I found some flirtatious and slightly risque messages between my husband and a female business associate. My husband agreed that they were wrong and says he has discontinued those kinds of conversations. He has stayed in contact with her, and their friendship remains.

After dealing with the hurt for more than two years, I finally told him a few months ago the only way I would be OK with their friendship is if he introduced me to her. He promised he would, but he hasn't followed through. This week I saw on our phone bill that while on a recent business trip he was texting with her late into the night and early in the morning. I confronted him, but he continues to say they are just friends, and he is doing nothing wrong.

I'm heartbroken. I feel he has betrayed my trust. What should I do? -- DISRESPECTED IN TEXAS

DEAR DISRESPECTED: Your husband is doing something wrong. He's hurting you and threatening the marriage. What you should do now is ask your doctor or your health insurance company to refer you to a marriage and family therapist, schedule some visits and insist that your husband join you. If he is interested in saving the marriage, he will agree. If not, you may need to reconsider your future and consult an attorney.