DEAR ABBY: I'm unsure about how to proceed with my niece. She is struggling with child-rearing and debt.

Twenty-five years ago, when she was 16, my sister "Nan" and her husband threw her out on the street. I took her in for two years. Until she graduated from high school, she lived with me and my two daughters. She reconciled with my sister at the time of her graduation. After that I backed off, trying to let Nan perform her role as mom.

I have had a bumpy road with my sister since then, but until a year ago, we were doing OK. Now Nan has declared all-out war on me, and nothing I do or say seems to make any difference. I think her issues are political, but she refuses to discuss them, so I can't be sure.

I have backed off from mothering my niece for many years. But she clearly needs some family support and guidance, which I am able to offer so she can get back on her feet. She's a wonderful woman who is raising two lovely children, but a serious illness is preventing her from providing long-term security for herself or her kids.

I no longer feel obligated to stay at arm's length from her, but am I wrong? Nan will view any support for her daughter as interference in her family, and I don't want to cause problems with their relationship. I no longer care about my relationship with my sister, which seems irreparable, but I don't want to put my niece in an awkward position. She truly needs the help that I am prepared to give. Any advice on what I should do? -- LOVING AUNTIE

DEAR AUNTIE: Your niece is fortunate to have such a caring aunt. You saved her life. Offer the help she needs; it's the right thing to do. If she's afraid it will damage her relationship with her mother, she is free to refuse it.

As to your relationship with your possibly unstable sister, defend yourself as much as possible from her attacks, keep your distance and do not attempt to heal your fractured family because you cannot fix what's wrong with her.

DEAR ABBY: Please do not publish my name or city. I'm a senior male in a six-year, happy relationship with a wonderful, understanding lady. But after decades of exploration and study, I have come to accept that I am nonbinary and/or gender fluid. My sexual expression -- and orientation -- shifts back and forth over time. This is far more than simply wearing ladies' underwear or craving sex with men.

I live in an extremely conservative, mid-sized city, where there is practically no acceptance of gays or lesbians, and intersex people are unheard of. There are no knowledgeable doctors, counselors or support groups anywhere nearby. It would be so comforting to find someone like myself to share these feelings with. Is it even possible? -- UNCOMFORTABLY QUIET IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR QUIET: Have you searched online for the wealth of information on sexuality and gender identity? PFLAG, the excellent organization I have mentioned in my column before, has a chapter in your city, which has for many years provided support and information to LGBTQ individuals and their families. It will also guide you to other resources nearby. Please go to pflag.org and search on your geographical area. Trust me, if you do, you'll be glad you did.

DEAR ABBY: After a long relationship, "Eric" and I plan on getting married very soon. My problem is, Eric is secretive. He keeps his phone right next to him, and before he walks into the house, he sits in his car, clearing his history. I know he looks at porn, and I'm not happy about it, but it's the other things I'm angry and confused about.

He secretly has social media. I know he's been sending pictures of himself to women, and they send pictures to him. Isn't that cheating? I think secret phone and video calls to women is cheating. I saw an image of a woman's private parts on his phone, and he told me lies about it. When I have confronted him about chatting with the other women, he gets angry and withdraws. One woman even sent me their chat history, and he lied about that, too.

Abby, I love my man, but I feel he's cheating. I don't know what else to do as there's a wedding soon. -- DESPERATE FOR ANSWERS

DEAR DESPERATE: I have sad news for you. Eric isn't "your" man. From your description, you are sharing him with heaven only knows how many others. You already know he has a problem with the truth. When you tried to do something about it, he became emotionally abusive. This is what your future will be if you marry him.

I have only three words of advice for you, and I sincerely hope you will take them to heart: Cancel the wedding!

DEAR ABBY: How do you know if a friend is actually a "frenemy"? I think my friend "Gwen" may be one.

I successfully started a second career and was doing well, but Gwen had no interest in hearing about it. She also announced her engagement on my wedding day, which diverted attention away from me on my special day.

I went through a difficult time because several family members passed away, and Gwen was neither supportive nor particularly sympathetic. Her lack of response made things even harder for me. I no longer feel like I can share my successes about saving money or getting raises, because this "friend" would be threatened by it. I almost felt Gwen was happy when I was struggling, because it made her better than I was.

Is it OK to let people go? Is this a real friend? -- FRIEND OR FOE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR F. OR F.: Gwen appears to have neither good judgment nor empathy. If those are qualities you value in a friend, my advice is to look elsewhere. Friends celebrate their friends' successes and reach out to offer comfort when they suffer losses. It is not only OK to let people like Gwen drift away, but it is also healthy.

DEAR ABBY: My neighbor has a 17-year-old daughter. Fifteen weekdays a month she and a boy from school come home for 30 to 50 minutes during the noon hour. (Five days a month she comes home by herself.) Her mom and dad are both at work. Do you think her parents should know about the "nooners" at their house? -- NOSY NEIGHBOR IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NEIGHBOR: Yes, I do think you should casually ask if they are aware of it. However, when you do, make sure not to sound accusatory or judgmental -- just "curious."

DEAR ABBY: My mother is in a locked ward of a nursing home because she has Alzheimer's and is a flight risk. My stepfather has begun dating her best friend. He doesn't consider it dating because, at 85, he's no longer capable of having a physical relationship. However, taking someone to dinner, the theater, church or to a movie constitutes a date to me. People in our small town are talking. I don't care about that. It's not their business.

I don't begrudge my stepfather and his lady their relationship, but he no longer visits Mom as often as he used to. He looks for any excuse not to. An example: He will say he doesn't want to drive in the rain, then drive in a downpour to go on a date with "The Other Woman." He says Mom forgets he was there five minutes after he leaves, which, unfortunately, is true. But she lights up when she sees him, and it gives her a moment of joy to visit with him. She knows he's her husband, and the last time we had a family visit, she snuggled up to him and said, "I love you."

Am I wrong to think my stepfather is not fulfilling his vows by neglecting his wife of 25 years? I truly do not mind that he's lonely and dating, but I feel he should balance his time between the two women in his life. -- FAIR-MINDED IN TEXAS

DEAR FAIR-MINDED: You say you don't begrudge your stepfather having a social life, and yet you call what he's doing neglect. Whether your mother is aware of the fact that he's spending time away from her is debatable. I assume she's receiving excellent care, and that both of you check to ensure it.

Quite frankly, what I think about this is irrelevant. The person with whom you should discuss this is your stepfather. Unless you have walked a mile in his shoes, I do not think you should judge him.

DEAR ABBY: I love my brother, but my sister-in-law, "Daisy," drives me crazy. Luckily, they live in another state.

I want to see my brother, but getting together always involves his wife. When they travel to see us, they stay for about a week. All Daisy wants to do when they are here is shop. My husband and brother have no interest in going, so it's just the two of us.

My problem is, whatever I buy, she buys the same thing. Or, if she sees me wear something she likes, she looks for the same thing to buy. She thinks it's OK because they live in a different state. Daisy does this with her other sister-in-law, too, and they live in the same city. We're both fed up. What should we do? -- COPIED IN FLORIDA

DEAR COPIED: It is said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Daisy may be insecure about her own fashion choices, which is why she copies yours. Because this bothers you to the degree that it does, the direct way to deal with it would be to tell Daisy it makes you feel encroached upon. Either that or, when you take her shopping, tell her you are going along only to keep her company while SHE shops, and keep your wallet in your purse.