DEAR ABBY: I have dysfunctional parents. For the sake of my sanity, I made the decision to remove them from my life. They have retaliated by spreading lies to immediate and extended family.

I was supposed to get an apartment with my father to help him now that he is aging. However, he became violent and threatened to kill me. I moved away and am physically safe now. My problem is, I'm now completely alone and a pariah on both sides of my family.

These lodgings are temporary. I'm afraid they will fall through once family finds out where I am and poisons this very distant relative against me. How am I supposed to survive this? I have a job, but big deal if I have nothing to live for and no purpose. -- ANONYMOUS ESCAPEE

DEAR ESCAPEE: Your chances of having a more permanent roof over your head will be better if you tell this relative everything you have told me before someone else gets to him or her. Your father appears to have serious mental problems you are not equipped to deal with, which may become apparent in the near future when he acts out against someone else. You made the right choice. Your family members may be angry because they are now the ones who have to take care of him, which is why they have started the smear campaign.

People survive situations like yours by performing their jobs well enough to excel and making new friends along the way. It's called "creating a family of choice." Most of the individuals who do it thrive because the relationships are healthy ones. You have much to live for and many happy times ahead, so please remember that and concentrate on a future filled with possibilities. If you do, it is what you will achieve.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 15 years, married for six. We have the best relationship. Everybody tells us how great we are together. We don't fight, and we support each other 100% with everything.

While my husband isn't overweight, he does go back and forth from going to the gym to work out and eating healthy, to stopping and putting the weight right back on. I honestly couldn't care less about the number on his scale. The problem is, he's a horrible snorer. It's awful! I usually end up moving to the couch in the middle of the night to get some sleep.

I have tried earplugs, headphones, you name it. He has tried the strips, the sprays, mouthguards, been to the doctor, everything. He always feels bad when he wakes up and finds me out of the bed. I've told him that it doesn't make me mad, I just get annoyed when I have to get up and go.

The only thing that seems to make a difference is when he loses weight. How do I tell him that if he lost some weight, he would snore less? I don't want to hurt his feelings. -- SLEEPING BADLY IN OHIO

DEAR SLEEPING BADLY: If you have observed that your husband snores less when his weight is down, tell him. It isn't hurtful; it would be helpful. You say he's been to see his doctor. Ask if he's been checked for sleep apnea. If there are long pauses between a sleeping person's breaths or gasping, it could be a symptom of sleep apnea, a condition that can be life-threatening. A diagnosis could be a lifesaver.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 37-year-old man who is getting married for the first time. My fiancee, "Holly," and I went to middle school and high school together, but never really got to know each other until a few years ago. I love her more than words can describe, and I'm happy to be getting ready to spend my life with her.

Growing up, I was socially awkward, partly due to having Asperger's, which made me a target for bullies. Holly and I are now choosing our wedding party. My sister will be one of her bridesmaids. Holly is an only child, so she doesn't have a brother who could be one of my groomsmen. She has expressed that she would like her cousin "Gerald" to be one of my groomsmen, so someone from her family is in our wedding party.

The problem is, Gerald was my main tormentor from eighth grade all through high school. At one point in 10th grade, his cruelty led to my attempting suicide. I carry the scar from the attempt on my right wrist.

I understand that people change and mature as they grow older, and I'm OK with Gerald attending the wedding. But the idea of him standing next to me on the biggest day of my life, along with my best friend and two closest cousins, triggers too many awful memories. How can I plead this to Holly without hurting her feelings or looking shallow and petty? -- NERVOUS GROOM-TO-BE

DEAR GROOM-TO-BE: Shallow and petty? The scar on your wrist is visible, but clearly there are others, equally painful, that are not. I don't think it would come across as either shallow or petty if you explain to your fiancee, exactly as you have explained it to me, why you prefer Gerald not be at the altar with you on the most important day of your life. This is something Holly should have been made aware of before the two of you set a wedding date. Do it now.

DEAR ABBY: I've been an alcoholic since I was 21. I was married for 19 years, and my drinking was at its worst toward the end. I was selfish toward my wife and my daughter. Since then, I have learned many hard lessons that could have been avoided if only I had never drunk.

I have apologized to my ex-wife for my actions. I was never violent, but I embarrassed her and my daughter with behavior that I'm ashamed of. After our divorce, I made a few more mistakes and finally sought help. I'm in a Christian-based rehab program and have chosen to follow this path for the rest of my life.

Over the last six months I have sent texts and a few letters to my daughter, hoping for an acknowledgment or some dialogue, to no avail. Since being at rehab, I've written her about my feelings and some small talk, always ending my letter telling her she's the love of my heart, and I miss her. Is there anything else I can do? -- HOPING AND PRAYING IN NASHVILLE

DEAR HOPING: Yes, there is one more thing you can do. Because she may consider your words nothing but lip service, make an attempt to visit her so she can see the change in you. Accept that damage has been done, and you cannot alter the past. Continue living your life on the path you have chosen and pray that, with time, your daughter will recognize that you have turned your life around and let you back in to hers.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married to my darling husband for 20 years. The problem is his sister.

When we first met, she asked my husband if I was "for real" because I'm very outgoing and affectionate. In the early years, and until about six years ago, she would berate me with abusive criticism. In most instances, her comments were inaccurate. If I tried to overlook her actions and have a good relationship, she would soon find something else to criticize.

I am normally an "it's history" kind of person when it comes to confrontations and forget them quickly. Thankfully her abuse has finally stopped. But I'm now having trust issues because every time in the past when I let my guard down to mend the relationship, she'd lash out and put me down again. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- WARY IN TEXAS

DEAR WARY: One would think that during the time your sister-in-law was sniping at you, your "darling" husband would have stepped in and told his sister to put her knives away. After suffering through 14 years of her emotional battery, it's no wonder you have trust issues where she's concerned.

Intelligent person that you are, it's likely you always will have them, so stop blaming yourself for it. Continue being the outgoing and affectionate person you always have been, and keep your guard up because that's what healthy people have to do when dealing with someone like her.

DEAR ABBY: I love my wonderful neighbors of 28 years. They are 10 years younger than my parents. They have been like a second set of parents to me. My concern is for their health. They are in their 60s and 70s, but neither one goes to the doctor.

The wife went 20-plus years ago and decided never to return after they prescribed diabetes and blood pressure medication for her. More recently, she can no longer leave the house because she has injured her arthritic knee so badly. She refuses to get it checked and claims it will heal. (She diagnosed herself via Dr. Google.) Her intelligent adult daughter is aware of all of this.

I know this is a choice people make, but at this point I'm sure it's just anxiety that is keeping her from getting the medical help she needs. She's missing her garden, her grandchildren and grocery shopping, so I'm sure she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life like this. Her husband has no influence either and is picking up what she no longer can do. I have tried encouraging her to seek advice, but haven't pushed her so hard as to push her away. What should I do? -- SCARED FOR THEM IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SCARED: If anyone could do anything, it would have to be the woman's husband and her daughter. I assume you have pointed out to your neighbor that with medical help she could heal more quickly, and also that there is something called preventive medicine that can help people avoid becoming seriously ill. Because you have talked until you are blue in the face and still haven't been able to get through, my advice is to love her while you have her.