DEAR ABBY: I recently found out my husband has been having a four-year affair with a woman 24 years younger than I am. He met her at work. He tells me he loves her, but he loves me more. Abby, they actually thought I would agree to him taking her on as a second wife, but, of course, I refused. They no longer see each other, but communicate regularly by text. He misses her, she misses him, and I am deeply hurt, since nothing will ever be the same.
I am also devastated because of my husband's four years of lies and deception. I didn't suspect a thing and always loved him deeply. Can I get over this? -- HURTING IN WASHINGTON
DEAR HURTING: If you are going to get past this -- notice I did not say "get over" -- it will take both cooperation from your husband and the services of a licensed marriage and family therapist.
You were lied to and betrayed, and it wasn't a one-time mistake. That he and his paramour remain in touch indicates that while the physical affair may be over, their emotional affair is ongoing. For your marriage to be repaired and trust rebuilt, that too must end.