DEAR ABBY: I recently found out my husband has been having a four-year affair with a woman 24 years younger than I am. He met her at work. He tells me he loves her, but he loves me more. Abby, they actually thought I would agree to him taking her on as a second wife, but, of course, I refused. They no longer see each other, but communicate regularly by text. He misses her, she misses him, and I am deeply hurt, since nothing will ever be the same.

I am also devastated because of my husband's four years of lies and deception. I didn't suspect a thing and always loved him deeply. Can I get over this? -- HURTING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HURTING: If you are going to get past this -- notice I did not say "get over" -- it will take both cooperation from your husband and the services of a licensed marriage and family therapist.

You were lied to and betrayed, and it wasn't a one-time mistake. That he and his paramour remain in touch indicates that while the physical affair may be over, their emotional affair is ongoing. For your marriage to be repaired and trust rebuilt, that too must end.

DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law is lazy and arrogant. My daughter seems to think he walks on water. He has answers and excuses for everything. I'm realizing that he may never amount to anything, because he has no ambition. They recently had a baby, and he does very little to help. Washing and sterilizing bottles leaves him "exhausted."

I treasure my relationship with my daughter and grandson and want them all to want to come over and be close. I am trying to keep my mouth shut, but my daughter knows how I feel. How do I navigate this challenge of having to bite my lip when I see him lying around with a sink full of dishes? What am I allowed to say without alienating him? -- EXASPERATED MOM IN CANADA

DEAR MOM: If you are wise, you will keep your thoroughly chewed lip zipped. Your daughter knows how you feel, so resist that urge to harp on it. When she reaches her limit, I'm sure she will come up with some choice phrases to blast her husband off the sofa. Remember, this is her problem, not yours, so let her handle it.

DEAR ABBY: We are part of a group of four couples who arrange to get together for dinners. One of the couples continually invites another couple at the last minute without checking with the rest of us.

We are hosting a dinner and planned it around the eight of us, only to find out this couple has invited another couple -- again! I explained to the woman that I don't think it's nice to invite additional people without first checking with the hosts, certainly not at 10 o'clock the night before, but they don't want to leave the fifth couple out. This is the third time this has happened, and others have spoken to her about it to no avail. Please help! -- UNINVITED IN DELAWARE

DEAR UNINVITED: What the woman is doing is beyond inconsiderate. The "way to handle it" would be to discuss it with the other group members and agree to disinvite this couple from your group. Three strikes and they're out.

DEAR ABBY: We are expecting our first child after many years of struggling with infertility. We are overjoyed, to say the least.

I have a wonderful parent who used to be my father but who now identifies as a woman I'll call "Grace." She's a supportive, loving, wonderful parent, and always was.

The problem is, the rest of the family has yet to see her transition. They are aware of what has happened, but are not comfortable with it. One family member keeps insisting that Grace is not transgender, just "confused." She says that if she ever saw Grace dressed as a woman, she would laugh.

When it comes to a celebration for our bundle of joy, how do I handle this? I can't imagine having the celebration without Grace, and I wouldn't dream of asking her to dress as a male because I know how uncomfortable she would be. But I'm afraid if she attends, none of the other family will come because they are so uncomfortable. -- TRANSPARENT IN NEVADA

DEAR TRANSPARENT: Grace is not "confused." People do not change their gender identity on a lark. The transition is time-consuming and difficult. Grace deserves to be treated with compassion and common courtesy. Make this clear to your family members. If you feel that one or more of them would be so rude as to ridicule your parent, strike them from your guest list.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has not been in good health for years. He had an accident in 2007 in which his left arm was broken. The doctor did many surgeries over seven years, but he had to have it amputated in 2014.

Ten months ago, he suffered a debilitating stroke in the left lobe of his brain. He now has aphasia, the inability to use his right hand and arm, a loss of balance and he cannot walk unassisted. He must have help in all areas of daily living. I placed him in a rehab center, then into a nursing home.

The problem is, I feel so guilty about leaving him there. He isn't happy and he blames me for keeping him there. I visit as often as possible, but it isn't often enough for him I am sure. I am so disappointed. This is not the life that I had planned. Would you please tell me how to stop blaming myself, and how to accept this situation? -- SORRY IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SORRY: My heart goes out to you and your husband. Not everyone is so fortunate as to live the life they have planned. If you haven't already done so, it may be time to reach out to your Area Agency on Aging and talk to someone there about what emotional support services may be available near you. The Eldercare Locator, which is sponsored by the U.S. Administration on Aging, is another resource.

Counseling can help you learn to accept this "new normal" and lessen your feelings of guilt for making a decision that, while not pleasant, is what your husband now requires so his needs are met. It will, however, be your responsibility to stay close and ensure that happens.

DEAR ABBY: There is conflict between two of my four adult children. They no longer speak to one another over some silly, childish issues. Should I, as the parent, interfere and try to resolve these issues? -- PEACEMAKER IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR PEACEMAKER: Resist the urge to "interfere." Your desire to patch things up is understandable, but because your children are adults, it should be up to them to resolve their differences without your intervention.

DEAR ABBY: I am a big fan and read your column daily. I am writing because I have a very hard time making conversation. I read your mother's booklet which suggests asking people questions about themselves to stimulate dialogue.

Apparently, I am doing something wrong because family and friends accuse me of "interrogating" them. I'm not! I am truly just trying to chat. I have also failed several job interviews, so I must be missing something.

What's the correct way to have a conversation? How many questions are too many? How do I make amends to the people who aren't speaking to me anymore? I honestly never meant to offend anyone. Thank you very much for your help. -- IGNORANT, NOT INTERROGATING

DEAR "IGNORANT": You may have taken my late mother's advice too literally. What she was trying to convey is that people are usually attracted to those who find them interesting, and asking a question is a conversation opener and a way to draw someone out.

However, conversations are supposed to be an exchange of information. Because people accuse you of "grilling" them, you may be asking a barrage of questions without giving anything back. A better example of a conversation starter might be:

Q. "How was your weekend? We went skiing on Sunday afternoon." Then describe something that happened. (Saw the cutest family, got a nasty sunburn, etc.)

Or:

Q. "Did you hear about (insert news item). I was really surprised (shocked, fascinated, etc.)." Express how it affected you and ask what the person thinks about it.

Then listen.

You may have better luck with this approach.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 10 years. I lost my job and have had no luck finding one in our small Florida town or the surrounding area, so I started looking elsewhere. I found a great opportunity in Nashville and got the job. It meant I had to move, but my husband refused to move with me. He's a technician so he can work anywhere.

We both used to live in Nashville -- it's actually where we met. I couldn't pass up the job because I'm 53 and may not get another opportunity like this.

It has been eight months and we are still living in two different states. I'm happy in Nashville because I visited often after we moved away and I always missed it. Not only do I not want to leave, I can't afford to.

I never stopped looking for a job in Florida, but there aren't any that pay anywhere close to what I'm earning here. My husband could be making at least $20,000 more a year here if he moved, but he absolutely refuses. I'm not sure what to do. I love and miss him. He rarely visits me. I must go to Florida if I want to see him. Help! -- LONG-DISTANCE LOVE

DEAR L.D.L.: It appears you have an important decision to make. What is more important to you, your marriage or the money? That you want more financial security is understandable. You need to understand exactly why your husband has taken the stance he has. Once you have the answer to that question, you will have a better understanding of what you need to do. A trusted mediator may be able to help the two of you to improve your communication.

TO MY READERS: I wish you all a joyous and meaningful Christmas. Merry Christmas, everyone!