DEAR ABBY: I am a 49-year-old woman whose mother tries to make me feel guilty for having a good relationship with my father. I have an excellent relationship with her, but lately it feels strained because she gets mad if Dad and I do things together or even just talk on the phone. My goal is not to hurt her, but I refuse not to have a relationship with my dad just to appease her. Have you ever heard of a mother being jealous of her daughter's relationship with her father? -- CONFLICTED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CONFLICTED: Yes, I have. But you say you have an excellent relationship with your mother, and this behavior is recent. Do you call and interact individually with her the way you do with your father? If not, it might help to give her more attention than you have.

Is her relationship with your father the same as it always has been? If it isn't, because you and your father have extended, private phone conversations on a regular basis, she may fear you have supplanted her in his affections. However, if this isn't the case, and she demonstrates other personality changes, her physician should be notified so she can be evaluated.

DEAR ABBY: I have been trying to deal with this on my own for a long time. I have been "crushing" on a man of my faith for a couple of years, and it never seems to subside. We are both married to others, seemingly happily. I like his wife very much, and I would never want to hurt her.

I think he is a wonderful human being, and he has said as much to me. We would never entertain the idea of an affair. From my standpoint, I don't know what to do. Do you have any suggestions? I try to give my own husband lots of love. -- TORN BETWEEN TWO IN MONTANA

DEAR TORN: Do nothing about this crush. Continue giving your husband lots of love, attention and appreciation. Crushes are normal. Sometimes they serve as reminders that we are still alive. As long as they remain "unfertilized romances," they harm no one. You have a mutual admiration society because you both deserve it and have nothing to feel guilty about.

DEAR ABBY: Is there any way to stop charities from sending all of this "free stuff"? When I donate to charity, I intend for my contribution to be used to help someone in need. Instead, I am subjected to all kinds of things in my mailbox. I have received money, postage stamps, greeting cards, notepads and enough mailing labels to far outlast me!

I have now decided that any charity that sends me merchandise or any other "freebie" will be taken off my donation list. I hate to write bona fide charities off my list, but it has become ridiculous. -- WASTEFUL IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WASTEFUL: You are not the only person to complain about this. I receive many letters from equally frustrated readers about it.

Before donating to any charity, go online and check out charitynavigator.org. If you do, it will give you insight into where your money goes -- including how much of their revenue is spent on salaries and "overhead." Just because you receive notepads, mailing labels and calendars does NOT mean you are obligated to send money. Please remember that.

DEAR ABBY: I have shared a friendship for 40 years with a woman who is known for having a quick temper. Although I have been on the receiving end of her anger many times, we manage to maintain our relationship.

She lives across the country now and, unfortunately, suffers from a major debilitating illness. She lives with a man she argues with often, in his small apartment. They struggle financially, and she recently confided that when they argue, she dunks his toothbrush in the toilet to get even. Obviously, it is without his knowledge.

I have never met him, but he is very nice to me when I call. I want to tell him what my friend has been doing. I feel he needs to know the health risks he's facing when he brushes his teeth.

Of course, if I do, I know I'll incur her wrath once again as she'll know I ratted her out. And he will undoubtedly evict her from the apartment. She doesn't have the finances to get her own place, and the eviction may result in her becoming homeless. I'm struggling with which is worse: his health risk or her homelessness.

So far, I have kept my mouth shut, but each day I know he is brushing his teeth with bacteria. Should I continue to remain silent? -- YUCK FACTOR IN THE DESERT

DEAR YUCK FACTOR: While dipping his toothbrush in the toilet may not kill him, it could make him sick. Tell him what has been going on. If your friendship with the woman ends, so be it.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 34-year-old single mother of a 7-year-old son who wants me to get married. I'm not dating anyone, so marriage is nowhere in the near future.

I know my son's wish for me to be married is due to the absence of his "father" in his life and his desire to have a dad. I have technically been single for more than 10 years. I dated a lot over the years but haven't during the last two years, instead focusing on my mental, emotional and physical well-being in addition to securing a decent career path, which I'm just a week into.

I have contemplated dating for months, even prior to my son saying anything. Being an only parent, I have very little free time, and dating can be very disappointing. I don't have time to waste. Should I get back out there for the sake of my son or not? -- DATING FOR TWO IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DATING: Should you date because your son wants a father? No. You should date because you meet someone whose values and interests are similar to your own, someone you think is worth getting to know better.

You are starting a new career, and in time you will meet eligible men. In the meantime, because your son needs a masculine influence in his life, consider having him spend time with male family members. If that's not possible, contact Big Brothers Big Sisters of America and try to arrange a mentor for him. The website is bbbs.org.

DEAR ABBY: I was molested by my sister's husband in 1959. I was 5 years old. Growing up in the late '50s and '60s, sexual abuse was never discussed in my parents' home. It just wasn't done then. Of course, my brother-in-law told me it was "our little secret."

This has affected my entire life. I didn't get counseling for it because I didn't remember it. I became promiscuous at a young age, but I cannot remember any of the sexual episodes. I have been with several thousand men and don't remember any of them.

I came up with a theory that each time, I went into a "fugue state." I understand it's common in children who are molested young. I am horribly ashamed of my behavior, and I beg God nightly for forgiveness.

I'm married with a 29-year-old son, and my husband and son know all about my activities during our entire marriage. I have been chaste now for more than a year and doing my best to not "fall off the wagon."

My sister and her husband are now elderly, but I still want to tell her that he abused me. He also abused his adopted daughter, who ran away when she was 14. Should I tell my sister about what he did to me, or must I take it to my grave? (We are already estranged.) -- SURVIVING IN TEXAS

DEAR SURVIVING: I am truly sorry for what you experienced and how it has affected your life, and I congratulate you for your year of sobriety. That said, I think you would benefit from talking to a mental health professional about this before deciding whether to tell your sister. I say this for your sake, not hers.

If she remained with her husband after he assaulted her young teenaged daughter (!), it won't come as a total shock to her. However, she may be so calloused or deeply in denial that she won't react or apologize, so do not expect it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband wants us to go to nudist resorts. We are both in our 70s and very out of shape. He is extremely overweight and old looking. Everything hangs. He has been rude and nasty to me because I always say no. I'm too old to leave him. We can't keep fighting over this. He is also very unhealthy. Help! Please give me some advice. -- CLOTHING NOT OPTIONAL

DEAR C.N.O.: I'll try. Naturist or clothing-optional resorts are not what you may think they are. They are patronized by families and individuals of every shape, size and age.

In the interest of peace in your household, please do some research. Your husband is unwell, and you belong with him. You will not be the exception, you will be the norm and you will not be judged. Try it once and you will see that when the clothes come off, we are all variations on one grand design -- even if some of the moving parts sag a little.

DEAR ABBY: My husband left me stranded at the train station with no way to get home as a punishment for my daughter's behavior. He said it was because I never take him seriously, and I should live with the consequences. I feel he crossed a very big boundary with this, and I'm considering leaving him. Am I wrong? -- STRANDED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STRANDED: I don't think so. But before visiting a divorce lawyer, it might be better to consult a licensed marriage and family therapist to see if you and your husband can find a more effective way to communicate.