DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 27 years. We love each other and raised two beautiful children together.

When we started dating, we were both smokers. My wife quit 20 years ago, but I continued. Two years ago, my wife told me no more sex until I do. Abby, I smoke only about 15 cigarettes a day and never in the house or car. I know it's terrible for my health, and I need to quit, but I enjoy it.

So it has been two years since we have had any intimate contact. I barely can get a kiss out of her because she says she can't stand the smell. I'm only 50, and I enjoy having sex. I don't know how much more of this I can take. Is my wife right by putting her foot down like this? She has never been a big fan of sex, but she has always satisfied me. I think this is her way of avoiding sex.

I know she's doing it because she loves me, but I have a hard time accepting it. I have tried numerous times to quit and have used medication, hypnosis, gum, etc., to no avail. Please help. -- ALL SMOKE, NO SEX IN MICHIGAN

DEAR A.S.N.S.: Forgive me if I seem to lack empathy, but I don't think you are aware of how the odor of stale tobacco affects former smokers. It is gross. The smoke clings to the smoker's skin, hair and clothing, and it's the polar opposite of an aphrodisiac.

Because medication, hypnosis, gum, etc. have not helped you to kick the habit, what's left is the old-fashioned way: cold turkey. The American Cancer Society sponsors an event every year called The Great American Smokeout. This year it is on Thursday, Nov. 21.

The theory behind it is, if someone can refrain from smoking for one day, he or she can build upon that for two days, a week, a month, etc. Many former smokers have quit this way, and if sex is as important to you as you say, I urge you to try it. (If you tell your wife you accept her terms, your situation may improve dramatically.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a disagreement with a friend about the difference between a conventional affair and an online affair. My friend insists the latter isn't an affair because it isn't physical. My opinion is, when you connect with someone online, you develop an emotional attachment to your online friend. This attachment is no different than having a physical affair. It can damage or destroy a marriage when you sneak around and lie to your mate. Do you agree? -- DEFINING IT IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR DEFINING: I do agree. A relationship that involves sneaking around and lying to one's spouse is a betrayal, regardless of whether or not it's physical.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a tiny studio apartment. All my stuff is in storage until I buy a home, which will be in about two years. Would it be wrong to ask my siblings to not give me any gifts for Christmas? A card would be a lot more suitable. -- SIBLING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SIBLING: If a card would be more suitable, as long as you explain your reason for deviating from tradition, I see no reason why you can't be frank with your siblings. Do it now, before they start their Christmas shopping.

DEAR ABBY: I have been working through major anxiety issues with a therapist for the last few months. Sometimes he is very helpful; other times he goes off on tangents, talking about topics I don't feel the need to discuss (and things that don't necessarily pertain to me). I find it frustrating, and at times, it makes me angry (although I keep that to myself). How can I keep my therapist on track? Or, how can I break up with him without just ghosting him? -- WANTS TO MAKE REAL CHANGES

DEAR WANTS: As a patient, you are in a vulnerable position. Many times a patient will feel hesitant to tell a therapist that a line of conversation seems uncomfortable or irrelevant. However, because it is uncomfortable you should not let that stop you. Your therapist may explain to you why he is pursuing the issues. You can then accept or reject the explanation. If you continue to feel uncomfortable after that, you can "disengage" via a letter or a phone call. Ghosting is the coward's way out, and I don't recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: I don't know how to refer to the man I love. We are both older and have been living together for years. Introducing him as my "boyfriend" makes me feel like a kid in a short-term relationship. I can't use "husband" because we get our full benefits being single. (If we marry, we could lose half our income.)

I tried "partner," but people assumed I was speaking of a business partner or a same-sex partner. "Lover" comes across as an extramarital affair. There has to be another word for a couple who lives together for years, like in a marriage, but who cannot marry. -- UNCLASSIFIED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR UNCLASSIFIED: You might refer to the gentleman as your honey, your sweetheart, your loved one or spouse -- or simply by his name. Most of the people with whom you are speaking probably know you live together, and if they are new acquaintances, there is no requirement that you explain your marital or financial situation.

DEAR ABBY: My husband wants a puppy. He is almost 75 and plays golf four days a week. I'm 70 and work four days a week. I also do lots of volunteer work, which I enjoy.

I not only do not want the responsibility of a pet, but I also feel that a pet is a family member. It will need more attention than my husband has time to give, not to mention the time, effort and consistency needed to train a puppy. Our neighbor has a dog that my sweet hubby can play with every day if he wants to. Please help me. -- RETIRED PET LOVER IN LOUISIANA

DEAR PET LOVER: If your sweet hubby feels the need to pet and cuddle a puppy, tell him he can do so at the local shelter. Then suggest that if he wants to adopt a dog, it should be an older one from a shelter or rescue group. If he does, you stand a better chance of winding up with a pet that is already trained and housebroken, and the responsibility for educating it won't fall on your shoulders.

DEAR ABBY: I have some bad memories connected with my mother, who was physically abusive. It wasn't consistent, but sometimes she would lose it, and I was beaten quite badly a few times. It weighs on my mind intermittently, and I want to have a conversation with her about it. Then I remind myself that it occurred more than 40 years ago.

I'm 48 now, and she's 74, and it would probably make her extremely upset. Because I'm an adult, shouldn't I be able to process this on my own? I'm inclined to let it go, but it still pops up in my thoughts. Any advice? -- FLASHBACKS IN THE EAST

DEAR FLASHBACKS: You are a survivor of sometimes serious physical abuse. There are no "shoulds" when survivorship is involved. If you feel the need to talk this through with your mother, then do exactly that because you are entitled. She may not want to hear what you have to say, but unless she's on her deathbed, she should be strong enough to withstand a frank conversation. However, before you approach her, I suggest you first talk with a therapist who is licensed and experienced in counseling victims of abuse.

DEAR ABBY: I own a hair salon and love my job. I make a determined effort not to bring my problems to work, to be positive and not gossip. Unfortunately, my clients don't always return the favor.

I understand people need a sounding board, but it's exhausting to hear about every ache, pain and bruise as well as other negative tidbits. How do I tactfully let these people know my shoulders are only so broad, and their complaints are wearing me down? -- PULLING MY HAIR OUT IN IDAHO

DEAR PULLING YOUR HAIR OUT: I urge you to resist the temptation. "Hairdresser as Confidant and Confessor" has been in existence since the cosmetology profession started. If your clients need to get something off their shoulders (besides their tresses), give them the gift of a willing ear. This is so important that in some communities hairdressers are being taught the signs of domestic abuse and where to refer the victims.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a teenager who has lived in Boston and a few other places. Now I live in Utah. My two Boston friends were just out here visiting, but they are gone now. I have "friends" here, but they bully me. They make fun of me and call me dumb, or say that I never seem to do the right thing. I have pulled back from them, and I now realize I really have no friends. What do I do? Help! -- BULLIED IN UTAH

DEAR BULLIED: Friends don't treat friends the way those individuals treated you, so be glad they are out of your life. Making friends requires putting yourself out there. Consider participating in sports or extracurricular activities, if they are offered at school or in your community. If there are youth clubs, see if any of them interest you. If your family has joined a church, inquire about youth activities you can join. If you do, I predict that in a very short time, you'll be friendless no more.